Feauture story

Giving this a go, any critiques will be appreciated.

The saga of Sugar
By Precious Roy

Whatever happened to Micheal Ray?
It's a question that spawned a television documentary, and a question that has been on the minds of many since he was expelled from the NBA in the late 1980's.
Well, here's what happened to Micheal Ray Richardson: He became a coach, and is on pace to win his third minor league basketball championship tonight with the Lawton-Fort Sill Cavalry in the last three years.
Richardson's life is a rich tapestry of success, failure and redemption. However, not a lot is known about what happened to Richardson after he was forced to leave the NBA in February of 1986 after his long and documented troubles with drugs.
Here is a bit of that tale.

The beginning
To understand the end, you must always first understand the beginning.
Born in Lubbock, Texas and schooled at Manual High School in the Whittier neighborhood of Denver, Richardson was just another kid who loved to play the game.
"I was a basketball player," Richardson said. "I had more skills than most of the guys that I was playing with, but I was small. When I got to high school I was 6-1, then when I got to college I grew a couple of inches."
That growth combined with his skill got the attention of the University of Montana.
Richardson left Denver and went north to Montana, but quickly his ability to handle the ball turned him into a point guard.
At Montana, Richardson left a legacy of excellence, playing in 107 games over four years and averaging over 17 points a game.
From there, Richardson was selected as the fourth overall selection by the New York Knicks in the 1978 NBA Draft.
The player two picks later? Larry Bird by the Boston Celtics.
It was in the NBA that things went both sweet and sour for Richardson, and where the bulk of the plot thickens.

The rise and fall of Sugar
You hear a lot about his off-the-court troubles, but there are some interesting things that were overshadowed by his mistakes.
Richardson was a four time NBA All-Star, and a picture of one of those teams still hangs on the wall of his office as a reminder of the glory days. He was the first player to ever lead the league in assists and steals in the same season.
It was one of those careers that was bound for the Hall of Fame.
Even the greats of that era like Magic Johnson and Isaiah Thomas recall what Richardson was like and what kind of player he was.
"Micheal Ray was a guy that played just like I played," Johnson said in the documentary. "Every time I saw him he went right at me. Micheal would always talk trash too. All game."
Sound familiar? Those antics are still there today for Richardson, as he paces the floor of the Great Plains Coliseum making comments and gestures to not only get into the heads of his foes but also get his own crowd laughing and into the action as well.
Thomas commented on his game in that same documentary.
"He was the Sugar man. He was Sugar Ray. He was sweet," Thomas said. "No stage was too big for him."
And he was front and center on that stage, finishing in the top 20 of MVP voting two seasons and being named to the NBA's All-Defensive Team two-straight years.
He was on top of his game and on top of the world[LongDash] then it all started to fall apart.
"I knew he had been struggling with the problem, but we didn't think he would ever get kicked out of the league," longtime friend and teammate Otis Birdsong said.
It was the pit that many professional athletes fall into[LongDash] and Richardson had fallen in deep.
"It was just being in with the wrong people, just being places where you shouldn't be," Richardson said. "Back then in the 80s it was a fad, everybody was doing it, I just happened to get caught."
In 1988 he was expelled from the league for substance abuse[LongDash] the first player in NBA history to ever have that happen.
"When he went though that with the NBA, a lot of people disowned him," Birdsong said. "It was hard for the organization because he was such a good player. It was tough on him because he felt he let everybody down."
It was the end of an era, the Sugar Era, and the league went on without him.
Or was it?
"They always speak about it now and then, but they never say that I was also the first one reinstated back in the NBA," Richardson said.
After leaving the league, Richardson went over the Europe and had a very good career that started with championships in Italy. However, there was a chance for Richardson to return not long after he left.
The year was 1990 and Johnny Dawkins was the mainstay guard for the Philadelphia 76ers.
Then[LongDash] what all organizations fear[LongDash] Dawkins tore his ACL.
Richardson tells a tale that the 76ers called him looking to have him come in and play.
"They called me and asked me if I wanted to come back and play the rest of the year for $800,000," Richardson said. "At that time I was 34, so I was trying to get two years. They only wanted to give me one year, so I decided to stay there."
He would stay overseas for 12 years total.
Looking back at his decisions, there is a twinge of regret, but Richardson understands that life just works the way it does.
"I would like to do a lot of things again, but that's not how it is," he said. "We learn from our mistakes, it makes us better men. That's just part of it."
And he relishes what he was able to accomplish in his short time as a star.
"I played in four NBA All-Star games. There are guys that have been in the league 16 years and never played in four," he said.
And the lessons he has learned from his addiction and recovery still stand in the front of his mind to this day.
"I've been clean for 30 years because I tell the truth," he said. "I don't blame anybody. The first thing I do is look in the mirror."

The coach
After returning to the States as a community ambassador for the Denver Nuggets, Richardson decided to dabble in coaching.
Along came the Continental Basketball Association and the Albany Patroons.
Though he only was there one season, it was a year of triumph and turmoil[LongDash] much like anything Richardson is a part of.
Richardson was caught in a crossfire when comments made to reporters about his ongoing contract troubles with the Patroons spilled over and he was eventually let go.
However, Richardson said those comments were just the end of a long and hard battle with Patroons general manager Jim Coyne.
"During the All-Star weekend in the CBA we were in Butte, Montana, where Jim Coyne and his wife were there," Richardson said. "His wife was always in the middle of things, being in there. I told him there that I didn't want his wife in there and that it wasn't her place. He was angry, then our relationship went south.
"His wife was treating these kids like babies, and this is minor league basketball."
Richardson and Coyne also butted heads on player moves and player development, a pride in Richardson's managerial style that has led to his success in Lawton.
"From there, he got angry because I didn't want to trade Eric Williams for Marvin Phillips," Richardson said. "Jim Coyne went on the road and I traded for Marvin Phillips. When he came back, he didn't like it, so he was looking for any reason to get rid of me there."
Phillips would follow Richardson to Lawton where he won CBA Defensive Player of the Year and went on to play in the NBA's developmental league.
But it was Albany that cut his teeth and got him to where he is now[LongDash] winning championships his way.
"When got there I had a lot of young guys," he said of Albany. "At that time you could only have nine moves. After playing each team once, I used up all my moves and after being in the game for so long you can't win with young guys. You have to have guys that understand the game, because it's a veterans game. That's how I've been so successful in coaching."

Here comes the Cavalry
When Richardson left Albany, he took over the reigns of the expansion Oklahoma Cavalry.
Then the next step was getting Birdsong, one his oldest friends with a talent for finding basketball players on board.
"We met up at the NBA Combine, and I knew that he wanted to coach," Birdsong said.
At first, Birdsong was hesitant to join up with Richardson. He couldn't believe that Richardson, who had been a player that was all over the place, was wanting to be a coach.
Then he saw Richardson work.
"It wasn't until I actually saw him in action (that I took the job). I had concerns," Birdsong said. "Friendship not withstanding, if he wouldn't have been as intense on the court I wouldn't have taken the job."
That decision led to Birdsong and Richardson leading the Cavalry to their first CBA championship.
When Birdsong left, Richardson guided the Cavs to another league championship and is set to win a third tonight.
It's also here that Richardson developed his guards like Brandon Dean, DeAnthony Bowden and Eddie Smith, three players who have been here since the first season and three players that do it Richardson's way.
"I'm not going to let them cheat me, because I'm not going to let them cheat themselves," Richardson said. "I'm going to get the most out of their ability because if they want to get to the next level they can't take nights off, and they have to win."
And winning is what they do.

The dawn of the next era
With two championships in the books, a third possibly on the way and four straight trips to league championships, where is the ceiling on Richardson's coaching career?
It's a simple answer for the coach[LongDash] the NBA.
And he's not going to take no for an answer.
And he has no sights on coaching in the NBA's D-League, he's happy here in Lawton.
"I'm not going to take another job in minor league sports, this is the job I have in minor league sports," Richardson said. Teams would like me to move because everyone wants a winner. If I'm going to stay in minor league sports I'm going to stay here because I built this."
It's that control that keeps him away from the D-League. He wants to win his way with his players.
Classic Micheal Ray.
"I can't coach like that, I'm trying to win games," Richardson said.
Birdsong is shocked that Richardson hasn't got his shot yet, but also understands that the landscape of minor league sports may have played a big part in his friend's obscurity.
"I think what hurts him is that there are so many minor leagues that it poisons the minds of NBA people," Birdsong said. "It's to the point that it's about who you know and who likes you."
But until that day comes when an NBA team picks up the phone and gives Richardson a chance, the coach will work with the children of the community and try to make sure they don't make the same mistakes he made those many years ago.
"What I want to do with my life is help kids. There is so much going on with the TV and the Internet," Richardson said. "You won't save every kid, but if you save one or two it's a blessing.
"Our society is so screwed up because it's all about drugs. Alcohol is a No. 1 killer, but they say nothing about it. When you go through the whole process, any mind altering substance is a drug. You now have a lot of young kids that are alcoholics. You have a lot of weed smokers that say weed is good, but it's a drug. It alters your mind. I'm trying to help these kids, and that's my goal. I want to help these kids as they chase their dreams."
And that's the theme of Richardson's life[LongDash] chasing the dream.
That could mean his players dream, the dreams of the children he speaks to or just his dream of coaching at the highest level.
"I'm not the easiest coach to play under, but I'm not the hardest either," Richardson said. "All I want is for them to give 110 percent every time they step on the floor. If you give me 80 percent then I'm going to let you have it. You give me 110 percent because I'm going to give you 110 percent."
And as much as this story is about chasing dreams, it's just as much about redemption, and Richardson hopes that his tale teaches the lessons that he learned along the way.
"Len Bias didn't get a chance to turn his life around[LongDash] I had a chance," Richardson said. "You can't cry over spilled milk, what's done is done. You have to keep going, only the strong survives."
And that's what happened to Micheal Ray[LongDash] he survived.

 

Roy -

My edits are in all caps, with longer notes at the end.


The saga of Sugar
By Precious Roy

Whatever happened to Micheal Ray?
It's a question that spawned a television documentary, and a question that has been on the minds of many since he was expelled from the NBA in the late 1980's.
Well, here's what happened to Micheal Ray Richardson: He became a coach, and is on pace to win his third minor league basketball championship tonight with the Lawton-Fort Sill Cavalry in the last three years. (WOULDN’T THAT JUST BE “THIRD STRAIGHT”?)
Richardson's life is a rich tapestry of success, failure and redemption. However, not a lot is known about what happened to Richardson after he was forced to leave the NBA in February of 1986 after his long and documented troubles with drugs. (NOT A LOT KNOWN? DIDN’T YOU JUST SAY IT INSPIRED A DOCUMENTARY? DID YOU DO A LEXIS NEXIS SEARCH AND DETERMINE HIS STORY HASN’T BEEN TOLD? I’M NOT QUITE CONVINCED – I’M FINE WITH THE “WHERE ARE THEY NOW?” ANGLE, BUT IT WORKS BETTER IF THAT PERSON IS NO LONGER A PUBLIC FIGURE.)
Here is a bit of that tale. (THIS IS ALL A BIT TOO DRAMATIC OF A SET-UP. IT FEELS LIKE THREE OR FOUR TIMES IN THIS LEDE, YOU SORT OF SAID, “I’M GONNA TELL YOU A STORY” … MAYBE ONCE IS OKAY, BUT I’D PREFER NONE. IF ANYTHING, SOMETHING LIKE, “THIS IS A STORY ABOUT” WORKS BEST, AND YOU SORT OF DID THAT WITH “RICH TAPESTRY OF SUCCESS, FAILURE AND REDEMPTION.” MIGHT BE BEST TO LEAVE IT AT THAT.)

The beginning
To understand the end, you must always first understand the beginning. (UNNCESSARY, CLICHÉ – SOUNDS LIKE A FORTUNE COOKIE)
Born in Lubbock, Texas and schooled at Manual High School in the Whittier neighborhood of Denver, Richardson was just another kid who loved to play the game. (…BUT HE WASN’T – HE WAS MUCH BETTER THAN THEM. HOW WAS HE BETTER? WHY? SHOW ME HIM LOVING PLAYING THE GAME.)
"I was a basketball player," Richardson said. (UNNECESSARY QUOTE.) "I had more skills than most of the guys that I was playing with, but I was small. When I got to high school I was 6-1, then when I got to college I grew a couple of inches."
That growth combined with his skill got the attention of the University of Montana.
Richardson left Denver and went north to Montana, but quickly his ability to handle the ball turned him into a point guard. (YOU HADN’T INTRODUCED HIM AS NOT BEING A POINT GUARD. ALSO, THOSE LAST TWO SENTENCES COULD BE ONE: “THE GROWTH COMBINED WITH HIS SKILL GOT THE ATTENTION OF THE UNIVERSITY OF MONTANA, WHERE RICHARDSON’S ABILITY TO HANDLE THE BALL TURNED HIM INTO A POINT GUARD.”)
At Montana, Richardson left a legacy of excellence (I’M NOT WILD ABOUT THAT PHRASE), playing in 107 games over four years and averaging over 17 points a game.
From there, Richardson was selected as the fourth overall selection (“SELECT” REPETITION) by the New York Knicks in the 1978 NBA Draft. (THIS IS THE FIRST DATE IN THE STORY – IT WOULD’VE BEEN NICE, FOR THE UNFAMILIAR AND YOUNG, FOR A TIME FRAME AT THIS SECTION’S BEGINNING.)
The player two picks later? Larry Bird by the Boston Celtics. (DON’T NEED TO OVERMPHASIZE IT, LET IT DO ITS OWN WORK – “TWO PICKS LATER, THE BOSTON CELTICS SELECTED LARRY BIRD.” OR “WAS THE FOURTH OVERALL SELECTION BY THE NEW YORK KNICKS, TWO PICKS BEFORE THE BOSTON CELTICS TOOK LARRY BIRD.”)
It was in the NBA that things went both sweet and sour for Richardson, and where the bulk of the plot thickens. (CLUMSY PHRASE – “BULK OF THE PLOT.” ALSO, IT STILL FEELS LIKE YOU’RE SETTING UP THE STORY. WE’RE IN IT NOW. JUST TELL IT.)

The rise and fall of Sugar
You (DON’T USE “YOU”) hear a lot about his off-the-court troubles, but there are some interesting things that were overshadowed by his mistakes.
Richardson was a four time NBA All-Star, and a picture of one of those teams still hangs on the wall of his office as a reminder of the glory days. He was the first player to ever lead the league in assists and steals in the same season.
It was one of those careers that was (“RICHARDSON LOOKED LIKE HE WAS”) bound for the Hall of Fame.
Even the greats of that era like Magic Johnson and Isaiah Thomas recall what Richardson was like and what kind of player he was.
"Micheal Ray was a guy that played just like I played," Johnson said in the documentary. (WHAT DOCUMENTARY? NAME IT. YOU WOULDN’T WANT SOMEONE USING YOUR QUOTES WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION.) "Every time I saw him he went right at me. Micheal would always talk trash too. All game."
Sound familiar? Those antics are still there today for Richardson, as he paces the floor of the Great Plains Coliseum making comments and gestures to not only get into the heads of his foes but also get his own crowd laughing and into the action as well. (WHOA, NOW WE’RE ALL OUT OF SYNC – KEEP ME IN THE PAST FOR THIS WHOLE SECTION. YOU CAN REVISIT THE ALL-STAR PICTURE, AND THE TRASH-TALKING, IN A LATER SECTION, ALLUSIONS BACK TO HIS PAST. TECHNIQUE WORKS WELL, AND DOESN’T DISRUPT YOUR LINEAR FLOW HERE.)
Thomas commented on his game in that same documentary.
"He was the Sugar man. He was Sugar Ray. He was sweet," Thomas said. "No stage was too big for him."
And he was front and center on that stage, finishing in the top 20 of MVP voting two seasons (THIS DOESN’T REALLY GRAB ME – TOP 20?) and being named to the NBA's All-Defensive Team two-straight years.(BETTER… I STILL DON’T HAVE MUCH SENSE OF HIS GAME.)
He was on top of his game and on top of the world[LongDash] then it all started to fall apart.
"I knew he had been struggling with the problem, but we didn't think he would ever get kicked out of the league," longtime friend and teammate Otis Birdsong said.
It was the pit that many professional athletes fall into[LongDash] and Richardson had fallen in deep.
"It was just being in with the wrong people, just being places where you shouldn't be," Richardson said. "Back then in the 80s it was a fad, everybody was doing it, I just happened to get caught."
In 1988 he was expelled from the league for substance abuse[LongDash] the first player in NBA history to ever have that happen. (WHOA – YOU JUST ZIPPED RIGHT THROUGH IT. IT FEELS LIKE YOU WERE BUILDING AND BUILDING TO THE STORY OF THIS GUY’S RISE AND FALL. THEN HE ROSE IN A FEW PARAGRAPHS, AND FELL IN TWO. TAKE YOUR TIME, USE YOUR ACCESS. GET DETAILS. WRITE THE WHOLE STORY, IN DETAIL, AND THEN DECIDE WHAT DOESN’T FIT.)
"When he went though that with the NBA, a lot of people disowned him," Birdsong said. "It was hard for the organization because he was such a good player. It was tough on him because he felt he let everybody down."
It was the end of an era, the Sugar Era, (THAT’S A STRETCH – I THINK THIS WAS THE MAGIC-LARRY ERA…) and the league went on without him.
Or was it? (AWKWARD)
"They always speak about it now and then, but they never say that I was also the first one reinstated back in the NBA," Richardson said.
After leaving the league, Richardson went over the (SIC – “PLAYED IN EUROPE”) Europe and had a very (DITCH VERY) good career that started with championships in Italy (DETAILS? CITY, TEAM NAME, HOW MANY CHAMPIONSHIPS, WAS HE THE STAR, DID HE LIKE IT?). However, there was a chance for Richardson to return not long after he left.
The year was 1990 and Johnny Dawkins was the mainstay guard for the Philadelphia 76ers.
Then[LongDash] what all organizations fear[LongDash] (UNNECESSARY) Dawkins tore his ACL. (MAKE THESE TWO SENTENCES ONE: “IN 1990, THE PHILADELPHIA 76ERS MAINSTAY GUARD JOHNNY DAWKINS TORE HIS ACL.”)
Richardson tells a tale (MAKES IT SOUND LIKE HE’S LYING – JUST USE “SAID.” ALSO, DID YOU TRY TO CONFIRM IT WITH PHILLY?) that the 76ers called him looking to have him come in and play.
"They called me and asked me if I wanted to come back and play the rest of the year for $800,000," Richardson said. "At that time I was 34, so I was trying to get two years. They only wanted to give me one year, so I decided to stay there." (WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER IN YOUR WORDS.)
He would stay overseas for 12 years total. (AGAIN, DETAILS.)
Looking back at his decisions, there is a twinge of regret, but Richardson understands that life just works the way it does. (CLICHÉ)
"I would like to do a lot of things again, but that's not how it is," he said. "We learn from our mistakes, it makes us better men. That's just part of it."
And he relishes what he was able to accomplish in his short time as a star.
"I played in four NBA All-Star games. There are guys that have been in the league 16 years and never played in four," he said.
And the lessons he has learned from his addiction and recovery still stand in the front of his mind to this day.
"I've been clean for 30 years because I tell the truth," he said. "I don't blame anybody. The first thing I do is look in the mirror."
(AND BOOM, NOW HE’S CLEAN, 30 YEARS, AND WE’RE IN THE PRESENT AGAIN. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE GOT HOOKED, HOW BAD IT GOT, IF HE EVER OD’D, SPENT ALL HIS MONEY, WAS BAD TO HIS FAMILY… AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE GOT CLEAN. THAT’S YOUR STORY.)

The coach
After returning to the States as a community ambassador for the Denver Nuggets, Richardson decided to dabble in coaching.
Along came the Continental Basketball Association and the Albany Patroons. (“ALONG CAME”?)
Though he only was there one season, it was a year of triumph and turmoil[LongDash] much like anything Richardson is a part of.
Richardson was caught in a crossfire when comments made to reporters about his ongoing contract troubles with the Patroons spilled over and he was eventually let go.
However, Richardson said those comments were just the end of a long and hard battle with Patroons general manager Jim Coyne.
"During the All-Star weekend in the CBA we were in Butte, Montana, where Jim Coyne and his wife were there," Richardson said. "His wife was always in the middle of things, being in there. I told him there that I didn't want his wife in there and that it wasn't her place. He was angry, then our relationship went south.
"His wife was treating these kids like babies, and this is minor league basketball."
Richardson and Coyne also butted heads on player moves and player development, a pride in Richardson's managerial style (“PRIDE IN…STYLE” IS AN AWKWARD PHRASE) that has led to his success in Lawton.
"From there, he got angry because I didn't want to trade Eric Williams for Marvin Phillips," Richardson said. "Jim Coyne went on the road and I traded for Marvin Phillips. When he came back, he didn't like it, so he was looking for any reason to get rid of me there."
Phillips would follow Richardson to Lawton where he won CBA Defensive Player of the Year and went on to play in the NBA's developmental league. (NOW I FEEL YOU’RE TAKING TOO LONG – MAYBE I’M NOT YOUR PROPER AUDIENCE, BUT I’D RATHER THE LAST NINE GRAPHS WERE CUT DOWN TO THREE OR FOUR.)
But it was Albany that cut his teeth and got him to where he is now[LongDash] winning championships his way.
"When [I – SIC] got there I had a lot of young guys," he said of Albany. "At that time you could only have nine moves. [MOVES? WHAT’S THAT MEAN? I’M A BASKETBALL FREAK, AND I’VE NOT HEARD THIS WORD USED.] After playing each team once, I used up all my moves and after being in the game for so long you can't win with young guys. You have to have guys that understand the game, because it's a veterans game. That's how I've been so successful in coaching."

Here comes the Cavalry
When Richardson left Albany, he took over the reigns of the expansion Oklahoma Cavalry.
Then the next step was getting Birdsong, one [OF – SIC] his oldest friends with a talent for finding basketball players on board.
"We met up at the NBA Combine, and I knew that he wanted to coach," Birdsong said.
At first, Birdsong was hesitant to join up with Richardson. He couldn't believe that Richardson, who had been a player that was all over the place, was wanting [WANTED] to be a coach.
Then he saw Richardson work.
"It wasn't until I actually saw him in action (that I took the job). I had concerns," Birdsong said. "Friendship not withstanding, if he wouldn't have been as intense on the court I wouldn't have taken the job."
That decision led to Birdsong and Richardson leading the Cavalry to their first CBA championship. [YEAR? WE’VE BEEN FLOATING WITHOUT ANY ANCHORING DATES FOR SOME TIME NOW.]
When Birdsong left, Richardson guided the Cavs to another league championship and is set to win a third tonight.
It's also here that Richardson developed his guards like Brandon Dean, DeAnthony Bowden and Eddie Smith, three players who have been here since the first season and three players that do it Richardson's way.
"I'm not going to let them cheat me, because I'm not going to let them cheat themselves," Richardson said. "I'm going to get the most out of their ability because if they want to get to the next level they can't take nights off, and they have to win."
And winning is what they do.

The dawn of the next era
With two championships in the books, a third possibly on the way and four straight trips to league championships, where is the ceiling on Richardson's coaching career? [TRY TO AVOID QUESTIONS LIKE THIS.]
It's a simple answer for the coach[LongDash] the NBA.
And he's not going to take no for an answer.
And he has no sights on coaching in the NBA's D-League, he's happy here in Lawton. [I THOUGHT HE WANTED THE NBA?]
"I'm not going to take another job in minor league sports, this is the job I have in minor league sports," Richardson said. [“]Teams would like me to move because everyone wants a winner. If I'm going to stay in minor league sports I'm going to stay here because I built this."
It's that control that keeps him away from the D-League. He wants to win his way with his players. [REPEITIVE FROM EARLIER. ALSO SEEMS QUITE SIMPLE – WHAT COACH WOULD TELL YOU, “I DON’T COACH MY WAY, I COACH THIS OTHER GUY’S WAY”?]
Classic Micheal Ray. [DITCH]
"I can't coach like that, [LIKE WHAT?] I'm trying to win games," Richardson said.
Birdsong is shocked [RIGHT WORD?] that Richardson hasn't got his shot yet, but also understands that the landscape of minor league sports may have played a big part in his friend's obscurity.
"I think what hurts him is that there are so many minor leagues that it poisons the minds of NBA people," Birdsong said. "It's to the point that it's about who you know and who likes you."
But until that day comes when an NBA team picks up the phone and gives Richardson a chance, the coach will work with the children of the community and try to make sure they don't make the same mistakes he made those many years ago.
"What I want to do with my life is help kids. There is so much going on with the TV and the Internet," Richardson said. "You won't save every kid, but if you save one or two it's a blessing.
"Our society is so screwed up because it's all about drugs. Alcohol is a No. 1 killer, but they say nothing about it. When you go through the whole process, any mind altering substance is a drug. You now have a lot of young kids that are alcoholics. You have a lot of weed smokers that say weed is good, but it's a drug. It alters your mind. I'm trying to help these kids, and that's my goal. I want to help these kids as they chase their dreams."
[SORRY, AND NOT TO MAKE A JUDGMENT, BUT… HAS HE NOT DONE THIS? CAN YOU GIVE SOME EXAMPLES? “WORK WITH THE CHILDREN OF THE COMMUNITY” SOUNDS PRETTY OPEN-ENDED. CAN YOU FNID KIDS HE’S REACHED OUT TO? OR ASK HIM FOR SPECIFIC STORIES WHEN HE THINK HE GOT THROUGH TO SOMEONE?]
And that's the theme of Richardson's life -- chasing the dream.
That could mean his players dream [PLAYERS' DREAMS], the dreams of the children he speaks to or just his dream of coaching at the highest level.
"I'm not the easiest coach to play under, but I'm not the hardest either," Richardson said. "All I want is for them to give 110 percent every time they step on the floor. If you give me 80 percent then I'm going to let you have it. You give me 110 percent because I'm going to give you 110 percent." [VOMIT. DITCH.]
And as much as this story is about chasing dreams, it's just as much about redemption, and Richardson hopes that his tale teaches the lessons that he learned along the way.
"Len Bias didn't get a chance to turn his life around[LongDash] I had a chance," Richardson said. "You can't cry over spilled milk, what's done is done. You have to keep going, only the strong survives."
And that's what happened to Micheal Ray[LongDash] he survived.



Okay, here are a few thoughts. I’ll try to be as constructive as possible.

- It feels a bit folksy, laid-back, like you’re trying to write like an old man at a bar might tell a story. (“left Denver and went north to Montana…” “the end of an era”… “Richardson tells a tale”) I guess this works for some people, or for some stories, but in this story it felt misplaced. I wanted the writing tighter, punchier. This isn’t a breezy, “remember this old hero?” story: it’s a hard-times story of talent and excess, and I think it called for a more serious tone. You also lapse into writing in maxims and overarching statements (“…that’s the theme of Richardson’s life”… “what all organizations fear”). I think you’re better off without that.

- I touched on it earlier, but to my way of thinking you’ve skimmed the real story. Again, maybe this is written for an audience that’s very much into minor league basketball, and that’s what they want. But after all the set-up stuff, I was ready for something real and dramatic, and it all happened so fast, and had so few events and moments, I honestly didn’t give a damn. Even one or two well-told anecdotes – especially the obvious, and missing, story of how he was caught and how his punishment was decided – would have given me a better sense of the high’s and low’s.

- I feel like you’re light on sources. My guess is you did two interviews – Birdsong and Richardson. You can’t really tell the story of someone’s life – especially an interesting life – between just two people. Also, Richardson’s often not a great quote (loaded with clichés, few details) and yet he’s quoted extensively. With a guy like that, if you know the story’s interesting, you’ve just got to interview him to death until he 1) hits on the right words or 2) gives you so much you can just tell the story in your own words. Also, quoting twice from the documentary seemed too much. Richardson played with, against, and for hundreds of people in college and the pros. You could’ve dug a couple of them up, and asked about him as a player and a person, and added something to the story.

- Not sure if you meant it to be a theme, but you start several sentences (including the last one) with “And that’s…” It’s usually following a Richardson quote, and reemphasizing it, or confirming it. If it’s deliberate, I don’t really like it – let the quotes stand on their own, and write something that moves the story somewhere else. If it’s not, and it’s just a habit, then it’s pretty sloppy. Speaking of which, you have a few glaring typos. If you put a lot of work into a story, you owe it to yourself to be careful, and not let those mistakes ruin your good work.

- One final thought. It feels a bit like you’re padding, stretching, and fluffing this story at points. Like I wrote earlier, it’s a little bit like you’re telling the story out loud, which doesn’t really do it for me here. I think that’s a trick that can be used to sort of “sell” a story, but this one doesn’t need it. This could’ve been a rock-solid three-part story (Rise, Fall, Redemption) and you wouldn’t have needed any of that stuff. But I don’t feel like you did the reporting to pull that off. Instead we glossed over the most dramatic parts of the story (he was an NBA star coke addict; he was a successful pro athlete in Europe; he got clean) and got bogged down in the internal politics of his former minor league team. If he wasn’t willing to talk about that stuff, at all, then I don’t think you have a story of any kind, at least not a big feature. But it sounds like he was – indeed it sounds like he uses his personal story to talk to kids now – and that’s what’s missing. One of the very first stories I ever wrote was on a coach who I knew to be an admitted, recovering alcoholic. It was supposed to be a “season preview.” When I realized he was open to talking about it, I interviewed him for hours, then said I’d need to meet him at least a couple more times, and I’d need to meet his wife, and told my editor to forget about the preview. I wrote 50 inches on his life, and about 5 on that year’s basketball team. Even if your editor was driving at the team’s current success, and the reason for writing the story then was that they were on the verge of a championship… wouldn’t all of that have meant a lot more if it was put in the proper context of this guy’s life?

If I’ve been overly negative here, I should make it clear this isn’t a bad story. In fact it’s quite good at some points. But it feels like it was rushed (maybe you wrote it on tight timing) or that you took some elements of his story for granted. (I’m young – the only thing I know about Richardson is “the ship be sinking” and “Jew lawyers.” I would’ve gone for a full recounting of his story.) I think you had all the elements for a great, great story, and instead you wrote a very good one. I’ve seen less done with more material. But next time you get an alignment of story and access like this, you should squeeze everything out of it until there’s nothing left, and everyone who thinks about writing that story will think, “It’s been done, and we’re not going to get anything more or better.”

Good luck.

-verbal

 

Thanks man, I really appreciate the comments, and everything you are saying is spot on. Reading it again, there is a lot I needed to get right. I have the kind of access with Richardson that I have wanted to write a book so many times and actually sit down and have the time and do all those things. I am either just too lazy (likely) or just too overworked to get things rolling. If I can ever get that going, I will surely track down everyone in the world to make it right. As it was, you are right, I was tied to a deadline and people were asking again and again for a big story about Richardson, so I put it together. I do wish that I could have spread it around, but my editor is not a fan of the minor league team at all and I had to get it in there in a day.