FATHER'S DAY IN SEATTLE - Day 3

I just looked at my phone for the first time in two days. I have two missed calls: one from my mother and one from IJAG.

I'm afraid to check my voice mail.

On both counts.

Very afraid.

 

I called you sober!!!

 

Mom is drunk dialing you again?

 

I'm still scared.

The woman was recently introduced to the idea of Bailey's and coffee. So one just never knows. The batshit-crazy psycho even puts it in her day ... which makes me want to ralph.

This from a woman who never drank a drop of alcohol but for the odd glass of wine at social occasions ... 66 and a freak for Bailey's.

 

*ALERT TO SEA-TAC TRAVELERS* ... The airport is a freakin' zoo right now (~10 a.m.) Lots of construction/traffic near the departures wing (our brilliant cabbie dropped us off at the arrivals instead, where there was no crush.) It was a hassle to check bags, a longer hassle to get thru security (where i'm posting this -- hi IJAG!!). ... Please plan accordingly and get here early if you fly out today. Have a safe trip. *END ALERT* -30-

 

I don't drunk dial.

That being said, I didn't get any calls. :'(

 

Though IJAG's sig line has it pretty well covered, here are some other gems from the weekend. Amazing how hard it is to read things scrawled on a hotel notepad when one is three-and-a-half sheets to the wind...

• First-team all-vag (Pronounce the "G" like a "J." CR's designation for someone who checked out of one of the drink-fests early. I made honorable mention all-vag for one reason or another).

• We suck, Meat ('Chick's assessment of a blowout doubles table tennis match with Mystery Meat, though I was told not to place a comma).

• I'm waiting for Angelina, then I'll do Sxy (like I need to attribute that one)

• If you have a penis, you don't have standards (insert blue font. I think)

• Feed the moose!! (At the 5 Point Cafe, there was a moose head with scores of bras hanging from it. The request came from a male member of the party)

• If that were an elk head on the wall and it had boxers on it, Angola would be all over it (See above)

• Ichiro! (IJAG, whenever her favorite Mariner came up to bat, fielded a line drive, stretched, etc. Dude probably could have heard her, too)

• Sometimes a girl wakes up with a guy's shirt on... (Posted without comment)

• Towels make it better (Also posted without comment)

• Because the rest of us don't go around pissing on our girlfriends (See a pattern here?)

• I yelled at Tom, 'Are my tits not good enough for you?' (Not much more I can say to that)

And finally...

• If there's a dick that produces whisky... (That's a good place to stop)

Frankly, I'm honored to consider the sources of these quotes friends. I can't express how much of a blast this was, and it wouldn't have been the same without this crew. All in all, we were a pretty fucked up group but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Mr. Babar, Sportschick and Joe should merit first-team all-SJ consideration for their efforts in coordinating everything — no, they should be first-team all-SJ, period.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart, for making this an epic gathering, and I hope to see you all again someday.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go wring out my liver.

(EDS: Subs "Meat" for attribution. I feel shame)

 

On the subject of drunk dails, I'm pretty sure there were more curse words in the one I left on KY's voice mail than what he posted

 

The "We suck, Meat" was mine, dammit! We fucking lost at ping pong 21-1 (I had an awesome, Andy Roddicklike serve for our lone point).

 

We are rising and shining at Casa Babar. So glad I took today off for cleanup, so as not to be murdered by the missus.

Just wanted to thank everyone for coming out last night. It was a great time, and my wife and I greatly enjoyed meeting all of you. Any time you find yourselves in Seattle, you are all welcome.

And Moddy, I will accept your POY designation, even if it is unillaterally imposed.