Father, 61; daughter, 39

It was a smart move. Mancuso never would've noticed...

 

And now there are ads for Saved by the Bell ringtones when I look at this page...

 

I also see an ad for "How smart are you? Take our free IQ test and find out!"

If there's not a lot of SBTB questions on there, a lot of us are fucked.

 

Mrs. Gump: Remember what I told you, Forrest. You're no different than anybody else is. Did you hear what I said, Forrest? You're the same as everybody else. You are no different.
Principal: Your boy's... different, Miz Gump. His IQ's 75.
Mrs. Gump: Well, we're all different, Mr. Hancock. There must be something that can be done?
Principal: Is there a Mr. Gump, Miz Gump?
Mrs. Gump: He's on vacation.

 

Oh, boy. I should be in bed. But ...

First of all: No one laughs at Zack Morris. That's the rule.

Second: Zack didn't cheat on anyone. He's better than that, and Kelly knew it. He had his love tested by Jessie -- coincidentally to this debate -- but nothing was going to shake their foundation. (And Zack even helped piece Slater's tattered relationship with Jessie back together; what a hero.) Obviously Slater couldn't help himself. Yeah, so Zack had 86 girlfriends in high school. He was faithful to all of them; he just didn't stick with the long enough. Except for Kelly, that is.

Third: Kelly was smart. She didn't challenge Jessie and Screech for valedictorian, but she wasn't a dim bulb. She knew she needed to study if the George Michael concert was to become a reality. So she teamed up with Screech, and she turned that D into an A. That's not all memorization. She learned the material, which takes a lot of brains. Chemistry isn't cake. And she got into the same school as Zack, Slater and Screech. Oh, by the way, Kelly scored an 1100 on her SATs. Slater got a 1050. Careful where you throw these rocks, my friend.

And Jeff was a bump in the road, obviously. Every solid relationship needs a test. Jeff was hers. Who was there when Kelly needed a friend after Jeff cheated on her? That's right. Zack was there. He put his feelings aside to help Kelly. He was willing to push her further away to make her happier. That's love. That's dedication. That's Zack Morris.

Even when Zack was distracted, he was always sidetracked back to Kelly. He could have asked anyone to his senior prom. He was close to asking three of them, but couldn't pull the trigger. But he did ask Kelly, and they ended up together at the end of the night -- and look where they are now.

Fourth: Slater didn't pursue anything with Kelly because, by that summer, he knew it was a lost cause. How many times can you be humiliated in front of your peers -- not to mention the most popular, stunningly beautiful girl in school -- and keep going back for more? He obviously didn't have the determination it took to get Kelly. He didn't care enough about her. That's why he went through most of his scholastic and collegiate life single. That's why he's still single. Zack and Kelly are married and have beautiful children, Zack Jr. and Zackarina.

Fifth: Zack warranted a pep rally because of his performance in the mile. Slater was on the team, too. Did anyone ever give him a pep rally for his time in the relay? Not even close. The gang said, "We'll never beat Valley without Zack." That makes him a star. Slater had him in football, and he had him in wrestling. Slater is the better athlete, but not by all that much. And Zack was an outfielder for Bayside's baseball team. He lobbied for "Ray Bans for the outfielder" when Belding shot down the idea for a dome. Remember? By the way, a knee injury can happen anywhere, a locker room, the court, the bathroom, wherever. And, if you're lacking the memory, Bayside lost the game after Zack's injury. Do you remember why? They lost by one point because Belding shouted, "Shoot your hopes and dreams," and Slater -- yes, Slater -- missed the shot. Big star, huh?

Goodnight, chump.

 

Minor point of order, good sir.

If memory serves, when Zack asked about the outcome of the game, Slater's response was thus: "By the time I realized (Belding) meant the ball, the game was over."

Slater: Good on the mat, not so good with metaphors (or quiche).

 

Only at SJ could a thread on incestuous Australians lead to a Zack vs. Slater discussion before the second page even ends.

God help us.

 

You're right. I'm sorry I let everyone down. The moral of the story is Slater has trouble perform in the clutch. Zack remembered Mvemjsnup with little time remaining.

 

Dude, Slater's quiche was fantastic. It was Zack who couldn't cook...

 

Good afternoon, Preppy.

You wouldn't be distracted by someone telling you to shoot your hopes and dreams? I'm telling you right now if it was Slater, Mancuso, Ox, Extra #3 or even our blonde hero, it didn't matter. That shot wasn't going up. What the hell was Belding thinking anyway?

And in track, you're looking for any random place to get points, especially in a dual-meet format. Bayside knew it would take the relays and most of the throws, and maybe Valley had the edge in sprints and hurdles. Suddenly, the mile is important. And what kind of pansy is Morris to not run the 800 or two-mile as well?

Nice assumption on center field, by the way. Would Zack have had the speed to play center, seeing as he's a miler? They probably stuck him in left, where he would've had more chances to put his flip-up shades to use (and you know he would've had them), or right, where he simply didn't have to do as much...

Volleyball, however, I will concede to Zack. He carried the Malibu Sands team, which is enough for me...

Zack was always there for Kelly because he was more conveniently available. Slater was a four-sport star, which means every day he had to practice until 7, then go home and study until 12 or 1 (that was off the cuff...sorry if I'm a little off on that one). Slater was the definition of student-athlete, especially since you previously proved he doesn't test well, which means he cares.

Kelly didn't stay away from the Aqua Net long enough to wonder, 'Hey, if he is so devoted and successful at school and sports, I bet he'd be a great boyfriend if he devoted his love to me.' If she simply did that, it would've been Zack and Kelly's Prom...Followed by Slater and Kelly's Happily Ever After.