Eric Adelson FTW

dkphxf · Feb 6, 2011

Alma said:

Well, gee, I guess I seem like the jerk again. I thought it had considerable flaws.

It's a 1,500-word story masquerading as a 2,500-word story. A lot of writing - larded with unfounded opinions - for the sake of it. Just a simple example:

He’s 40 now, and although that’s old for pretty much any athlete, it’s not old for a kicker. John Carney is still active at 46. Morten Anderson kicked until 47. And here’s Vanderjagt, in game shape, planning to go out to a high school field the next day to boot a few. “I should be the kicker for the New Orleans Saints,” he says, sipping a Pepsi. Vanderjagt was always blustery, but usually he was right. And let’s face it: lots of NFL teams have kickers worse than Vanderjagt.

So why is this man sitting here alone in a pizza place? 

could easily be...

He’s 40 now, but John Carney is still active at 46. Morten Anderson kicked until 47. And Vanderjagt is in game shape, planning to go out to a high school field the next day to boot a few.

“I should be the kicker for the New Orleans Saints,” he says, sipping a Pepsi.

So why is this man sitting here alone in a pizza place?

Did we lose much there? I contend no. The ages of Carney and Mort speak to 40 not being old for a kicker, the quote speaks for Vanderjagt's blustery nature. Adelson's opinion - that Vanderjagt is apparently better than many kickers, including Garrett Hartley - has no right or wrong answer (it's unproven) so it's needless.

Another:

"He sits at a high-top away from the bar, in front of two magazine covers. The first features Peyton, and it’s signed in black Sharpie. The second features Vanderjagt himself. “They darkened my eyes to make me look evil,” he says. Of course that charge sounds like paranoid psychobabble. But Vanderjagt’s eyes are light blue. On the magazine cover, they are almost black. The story inside is well-told and sympathetic –- hardly an effort to portray evil – but after sitting with Vanderjagt for two hours, it’s hard not to think of the old joke about how you’re not paranoid if they’re really out to get you."

reads better to me as:

"He sits at a high-top away from the bar, in front of two magazine covers. The first features Peyton, and it’s signed in black Sharpie. The second features Vanderjagt himself.

“They darkened my eyes to make me look evil,” he says.

Vanderjagt’s eyes are light blue."

Let the reader decide. It makes for better momentum anyway.

And if you want to know why Vanderjagt isn't kicking in the NFL, you could always call up a few NFL GMs and get their takes off the record. Just because Mike Vanderjagt doesn't know doesn't mean the reader has to be clueless about it.
Click to expand...

Just throwing this out there: In different media, we see different things that are acceptable. Newspaper stories have the tightest copy. Columnists are given more freedom and magazine writers even more. Perhaps the internet, with its virtually unlimited space, should provide writers more space to explore topics.

mediaguy · Feb 7, 2011

Type in his name on some search engines and by the time you hit the “j” in his last name, you’ll see “Mike Vanderjagt drunk.”

That's a great line, something you can only pull off in the last few months since Google started finishing your words for you. I met Eric when he was at ESPN The Mag and enjoy his work. Another good, very true line: "Kickers are supposed to make every field goal and shut up."

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Eric Adelson FTW

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