Encounters You Wish Would Be Wiped From Your Mind

I think that Rumpel's sixth post is possibly an exercise in creative writing

 

His sixth? Did you read his first?

 

My brother-in-law thinks so. I'm going to leave it at that.

 

Wait a minute! Rumple's straight?

How about the 30 minute phone conversation with the woman who claims she can walk a 4 1/2 minute mile.

That sounds pretty impressive.

And she's 61. Better

And she uses a walker! Wow!

And she's in the hospital after having knee replacements and still is doing it! Hey, the Plain-Dealer might pay for this one!

And they won't let her out of the hospital. Uh, why?

Her husband says she is crazy. Umm. Hmm.

But she's not. These nurses will tell you. Oh, they're housekeeping staff. They put her on all these drugs. Can you help her get out of there? ....

 

There are several moments from my days working the drive-through late nights at Taco Bell that I'll never be able to erase.

 

Sorry IJAG. I am not exaggerating. Everything that happened in my first and sixth were true. You got me though, maybe I never met Lance Bass, but Richard Simmons' flamboyancy outweighs Bass'.

 

There are times when I immediately wish I could wipe something from my mind. But over time those things usually turn into humorous anecdotes.

 

Okey dokey, rumple.

 

Encounters I wish would be wiped from my mind ...

The time my curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on the tubgirl link. Definitely wish I could erase that one.

 

Call Lobotomies-R-Us.

 

One of the things I like to do on vacation, if I happen to be passing through a college town, is stop and visit football stadiums. Just go in, walk around, check the place out. Empty stadiums are kind of cool.
So I'm passing through Knoxville one time and I stop to visit Neyland Stadium. It's late May, and the only people in the place are maintenance crews. So I'm wandering through the empty stands, trying to figure out a path to the field, when one of the maintenance people stops and starts chatting with me. I mention that it'd be cool to get on the field, and he says he'll help me.
So we start walking through the innards of the stadium. It's pretty dark. And this guy turns the conversation to talking about Tennessee football. And then he starts wondering what kind of underwear the players wear. He talks about how he likes "those pink underwear that they wear." And thongs. And how he's seen them once or twice. All the while, I had a glass bottle in my hand that I'm gripping tighter and tighter, getting ready to bash into this guy's skull if he moves two inches closer to me.
Finally, we come back out into the stands and I quickly make my way down to the field. Hop a railing and jump eight feet down to the grass to do it. I've never been so happy to see daylight in my life.
It took me several years before I told this story to anyone. It almost felt like I'd been mind-raped in some way.

 

Multiple trips to the debridment tank after third-degree burns.

It was worse than actually being on fire.