Encounters You Wish Would Be Wiped From Your Mind

Well, a little while ago, I was a personal trainer at a local YMCA during the summer. I would see members come and go with different goals.

One day, I am assigned to a guy, and when I met him, he is more flamboyant than Richard Simmons and Lance Bass rolled together (not that there's anything wrong with that). So we talk about his goals and everything that goes into personal training, and we figure the best plan for him.

The months pass and he's getting to where he wants to be, and I am happy because I am helping someone and I am getting paid. Well, the end of the session comes, and we exchange pleasantries and I head to get a drink of water and then go workout on my own.

I go back to the locker room and I sit down at the bench in front of my locker, and the guy who I trained strides out from the shower in all of his manly un-goodness. He's free swinging and almost skipping toward me. I turn my head to not make too much eye contact and go about putting my shoes on.

He comes next to me, and throws his foot up on the bench, right next to me. His member is two inches from my face, and I am rather uncomfortable. It's just a good thing he wasn't Bill Goldberg in "The Longest Yard." He could have hit me with his hammer.

He puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "I just want to thank you for helping me reach my goals this session." I say "No problem, it's part of my job, you did well." I am trying desperately to avoid eye contact or contact with his Lil' Johnny Appleseed.

He continues to say "You know, I really want to make this up to you sometime." I respond, "No, you really don't have to, it's part of my job." He says, "Well, how about I take you out to dinner sometime and maybe we can have a few drinks afterwards and see what happens." He starts to pat my shoulder a little bit more. At that point, I am completely unnerved, and I just tell him that "I don't think my girlfriend would like that." I didn't have a girlfriend at the time, but I figure it was a way to let him down easy.

He puts his leg down from the bench and stands with his hands on hips. "You're straight?" I say, "Yeah, can't say I'll be a free agent any time soon. I have a lifetime contract."


So what are your encounters that you wish would be wiped from your memory?

 

I have one I wish could be erased from my memory banks that occurred tonight, but I'm sure the SportsJournalists.com members who witnessed it are on the complete opposite side of the fence.

 

The visual of that one.

 

That's a great fucking line.


I walked in on my sister having sex one time. I don't like recalling that memory too much.

 

Is she hot?

 

I get embarrassed pretty easy and God-awful scenes of my own stupidity tend to play over and over in my head long after events happen, there are definitely events I wish I could erase.

 

No, I'd rather I didn't see you and Zeke fuck, too.

 

i saw don zimmer naked once

 

Speaking of rumpled foreskin...

 

Boy howdy. If I put all my scenes together for a marathon, it'd put MASH (or even Sazae-san) to shame.

That said, if I could wipe out all of eighth grade and the summer of 1999, that'd be good enough.

 

Last January.

Ice Storm (Some of you may remember this)

Come upon an accident scene

Lady slides off the road.

Gets out of her van to help another stranded motorist.

I'm walking by a semi-truck on the side of the road along with 3 members of a rescue crew, who was parked by the other vehicle.

Trooper shines his flashlight under the semi........"We've got a code-black"

I look down the beam of the flashlight, and all I see is skin and blood.

Semi locks his brakes. Motorist on the side of the road never sees it.

Something I will never forget as long as I live.

 

Methinks Rumpleforeskin forces pop-culture references like Bill Simmons.


Have you ever even seen Lance Bass? He's as un-flaming as they come.