Dutch Harbor Telegraph's police reports

I hope you enjoy comical police reports as much as I do. They obviously have fun with them.

2120 - A young man whose friend who had been spit upon by a young lady, offered to shoot the young lady in the leg with a BB gun in retaliation. The injury to the girl’s leg was minor and the young man was admonished for his attempts at rural justice.

0204 - Officers responding to a report of a fight in progress on a local dock found three bloodied and laughing men waiting for them. The trio told officers they were not fighting, simply wrestling like real men.

0940 - Loose, pooping dog.

0858 - A man who spent the evening in the company of inveterate drunks reported being unable to find his wallet and keys this morning. The keys were later discovered in a pants pocket but the wallet remains at large. Under investigation.

1647 - Caller told an officer a black dog has been in the same spot on a hillside for two days, and must be stuck there. An officer hiked the hillside and found not one but two dogs, both of whom easily and quickly ran away from him, thus allowing him to determine that the dogs were not in fact stuck.

http://dutchharbortelegraph.com/

 

Seems pretty tame for Dutch Harbor.

 

My dog has that problem if she eats chicken.

 

If it happens again, he'll have to appear before a group of rural jurors.