Dumbest reader ever

I love the ones where you get the drunken people calling you up to settle a bar bet on a late night.

My response: "I really can't find the information right now. I'm trying to help put a newspaper out for tomorrow. May I suggest you doing some research at your local library?"

It's always kind of fun to hear the response after that.

 

Invariably if a drunk calls to settle a bet, there's a second call from the guy who lost the best to confirm he lost the bet. I've been tempted in that situation to change my answer for the second guy.

 

me: copydesk.
caller: what station is carrying georgia/tennessee?
me: ESPN.
caller: that doesn't make any sense. ABC was showing ads for the game.
me: ABC and ESPN are under disney's umbrella.
caller: BUT I DON'T HAVE ESPN!

me: copydesk.
caller: so me and a buddy were sitting around watching the yankees game, and i wanted to know what year derek jeter came into the majors.

 

The other annoying calls are from people who want to know the score of a game.

In the pre-Web site era, we used to have a phone hotline with scores and updates of important H.S. playoff games. We would tout the hotline all week in preview stories and such.

Day of important game, we would still get 15-20 people calling us up wanting to find out the score. We would transfer them to the hotline, hang up, and then announce to the rest of the department that we had another caller who couldn't read.

 

I love any call that begins: "I'm out of town and haven't been able to find out..."


Oh really, and you have our phone number in your cell phone? Or are you smart enough to use the web to find our number, but not smart enough to get the info you need?

the drunk bar bets are the best. Especially if you give the answer and the guy says "Hey hold on, can you tell my buddy that. He's right here."
Uh. huh. Like he's getting the same answer.

 

We just got a phone call complaining about the TV listings (the pre-printed graphic that runs in A section; the listings we had in sports were correct).

"Somebody needs to put a boot up your ass."

OK sir. Right away sir. Whatever you say sir.

: :

 

RING RING.

"Hello, Daily Honk Sports, Starman speaking."

"Holy shit!! Did you see what just happened on TV??"

"No, what?"

"Aren't you watching the game?"

"No."

"WTF. Why not?"

"Well, we have work to do, we're putting out the paper."

"Oh, never mind."

CLICK

: :

 

once boasted in a column about having had world-class 800-meter speed in the 100-meter dash as a high schooler in the 80s and had a reader call me up challenging me because he considered himself quite the expert on high school track and would know about some local "white boy" with world-class speed during that time.

i had to have him read the paragraph three more times before he realized there was nothing world-class about my gift of speed.

 

Sad but true: thanks to the 7 times I called the circulation department between February 20 and April 1 -- each regarding at least one undelivered newspaper -- I do have the local daily's number in my cell phone. (We also have a new carrier now, if you hadn't guessed. Much better.)

Otherwise, valid point.

 

I would love to find the voice mail of the woman who goes off on a TV station that preempted her soaps because of the memorial service for the Columbia astronauts.

 

I got one of those last month. ...

Mike: Sir, we get that listing from a service. We don't have control of anything on the graphic.
Old Man: Well, what if someone plans a party and has all his friends over to watch the game, and it's not on that channel?
Mike: I don't know, sir. He'd call the cable company?
Old Man: No. He'd be upset with you guys because you keep putting the wrong days for the game. The team was supposed to play on that channel yesterday, but when I turned it on, it wasn't there. Now, I want to know why you keep doing that to me.
Mike: Sir, the game was rained out yesterday.
Old Man: Oh.

 

Ask him why he doesn't go put a boot up the weatherman's ass.