Dog craps on plane, forces emergency landing...

Just like you can get a doctor to write you a prescription for pills when you don't really need them, you can do the same with a service animal.

It's one thing if you're blind and need the dog to lead you through the airport. It's quite another if you come up with some phony "anxiety," because you're too narcissistic to go ANYWHERE without your precious pooch.

 

If this dog was leading a blind person, I'll eat its noxious poop. I'd bet good money it was an "emotional support dog."

 

You aren't really going out on a limb here.

 

Well, I really don't want to eat noxious dog poop. Gotta make sure I'm on the right side of that one.

 

Wonder how bad it would have gotten if someone had bent over and started eating the fresh hot poop straight out of Truffles. ??? Chain reaction puking?

 

I got stuck in the middle seat next to a woman with a little rat of a dog on a flight to West Palm Beach in April. The smelly little dust mop in a sweater and a hairbow (I'm talking about the dog, not the owner) kept licking my arm every time I tried to use the armrest. That's strategy for claiming the armrest on a crowded flight I guess. Unless it was just a complete lack of self-awareness on the owner's part - some sort of weird assumption that whomever was sitting next to her wanted nothing more than to share space with Fifi. If it was a little kid, I'd understand. But a dog? Seriously?

 

You don't even need to work that hard at it.

My uncle was an artist who traveled to art festivals all over the country. He and his wife wanted to bring their Shih Tzu with them so he got it certified as a service dog. I think he did it through an ad in the back of Rolling Stone.

When anyone at an airline would inquire as to the service the dog was providing, he would smirk and say "you're not allowed to ask me that."

 

I flew from Phoenix to Chicago a few years ago and saw an old woman with a tiny dog waiting to board. I would have bet anything she'd end up next to me.

Sure enough, I'm sitting on a window seat and there's a guy in the aisle seat, and the woman walks up carrying the dog, looks at her ticket, looks at the seat number, and says "Brace yourself boys, Sissy doesn't like to travel!"

To be fair, the dog slept the whole way.

 

For some reason, all I can picture now is Human Centipede.

 

Owner's fucked if this is the guy in the next seat over...

 

I was thinking of Family Guy.

 

1 Dog, 1 Plane, 1 Cup...

It would have been funny if someone just said, "Ohhhhhhh, he's eating it..." and for those who were gagging, that might have been enough to push them over the top.