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Depression, Part VII

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by HandsomeHarley, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. HandsomeHarley

    HandsomeHarley Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm finally in the process of going through a separation, and most likely, a divorce.

    No apologies needed; it's been a long time coming. And yes, I initiated it, so you can make me the bad guy if you must.

    I knew the politics of it would suck, and it's sucking the life right out of me: Trying to find an apartment, trying to figure out how to pay for two households, trying to figure out how the hell to start over.

    The hardest part was telling my Little Buddy. I knew it would be. My heart aches for him.

    I guess I didn't expect to hurt so much.
  2. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear it Harley. It's going to be painful for a while. Good luck.
  3. Pilot

    Pilot Well-Known Member

    That sucks, man. Wish I had something more intelligent to say, but it sucks. Good luck. Vent when you need to.
  4. Divorce is easy. Quit yer bitchin'. (Come on, I can say that, right?)

    It sucks man. And it'll probably get worse before it gets better. But everyone keeps telling me it will get better, so I'm gonna parrot that and say it to you, even though I myself don't totally believe it. At least you know you're not alone, though admittedly I don't have kids so I haven't experienced that part of it. So basically I don't know what the point of this post is, other than to say I feel some of your pain.
  5. JakeandElwood

    JakeandElwood Well-Known Member

    Good luck, Harley.
  6. old_tony

    old_tony Well-Known Member

    Damn, Harley, there's little I can say to you other than hang tough and know you've got friends here in your corner. A bad marriage is kind of like a cancer. You have to excise the problem even though it's very painful to do so.
  7. fishhack2009

    fishhack2009 Active Member

    Thoughts are with you, Harley. Been there, done that, didn't even get the T-shirt.

    Only advice I can offer is to resist mightily the efforts of the family court system to turn you into a weekend visitor/walking ATM. Your Little Buddy needs you.

    Good luck to you.
  8. Double J

    Double J Active Member

    Harley, as someone who has also been there, I offer my best wishes and my hope that life will start to get better for you very, very soon. If not sooner. Take care of yourself and please let us know what we can do to help.
  9. HandsomeHarley

    HandsomeHarley Well-Known Member

    I appreciate all the sentiments. I really do.

    I do believe it will get better. I am hopeful that it will help in my battle with depression. I mean, I still care for my wife (she's the mother of my kids), and I care what happens to her. But man, am I ever ready to start over.

    I'm not pinning all my hopes on falling in love with Mrs. Right, and I'm not resigning myself to being old and single forever, either. I want to take things slow this time, and if I fall in love again (I really hope I do), I just want to do it right this time. Take my time, make sure it's the right thing to do, the right time, etc.

    In a way, I feel incredibly free, like there's a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. But I guess it's natural to hurt after living with someone for 21+ years.

    Again, thanks. I'm going to need you guys for a while.
  10. Blitz

    Blitz Active Member

    Hang in there. Try to see the kid as much as possible.
    It's hardest on them, I figure.
  11. HandsomeHarley

    HandsomeHarley Well-Known Member

    OK, now we're separated. Wife and kids spent their first night in their new home.

    I feel the need to let everyone know, but how do I go about it? We are friends on Facebook, so that's awkward. How do I tell everyone at work?

    Also, any dating advice for a mid-40s SWM with gray hair, a Pepsi gut, low income, and a face made for radio and a voice made for newspapers? I wasn't exactly fighting them off with a stick 22 years ago when I last was single.
  12. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    I can't say that I'm in your shoes, so take this advice for what it's worth:

    In terms of dating, take your time. You just ended a 20-plus year marriage. It's not an easy thing. Go into dating with low expectations that you just want to meet women and have a fun time. Don't go into it expecting a big commitment or marriage.

    Also, supposedly, women are less into looks as everyone gets older. Or at least, that's what all the women's mags and websites say.

    In terms of telling everyone, you don't have to wear a billboard that says, "I'm Separated!" If it comes up in a conversation, just tell them.
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