Depression, Part II

I'm with 21... This is not a new thing for you. There is no shame in getting help, getting on antidepressants or doing whatever it takes to get better.

There's a lot of good advice on this thread. A dog is always a good thing. I remember my early days in this business, when sometimes the only thing that keeps you sane is the unconditional love of a pet. I'm a firm believer that everyone should have one. Living where you do it might not be an option though...

I've seen a lot of people in this business who get into this kind of a funk. It will prevent you from moving up because when you're miserable, people around you can tell...

Seriously man, this isn't a seasonal thing for you. Get some help, before this escalates.

 

I told others privately what I'm about to post here. I don't know if anyone wants an update, but here goes...

I'm doing pretty well today. Two long walks--one to the therapist's office, and the other around midtown Manhattan--helped me get out of my own head for a bit. The session helped, too. I got problems out of my head and/or off of my chest. Afterwards, I treated myself to a bit of lunch, two CDs, a magazine and a hockey puck (yeah, I'm that big of a hockey geek). Honestly, after the last two days, my faith in humanity has increased exponentially.

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words posted here and on PMs. They mean more than you'll ever know.

 

I'm not a big fan of drugs but prayer helps my friend. It's rough out here and you are not alone. I know to many, prayer is a great stress reliever. Try it.

 

good, i don't post as much as i used to, but i'm glad to hear that you're doing better.

 

Hey HB. Hang in there. My daughter -- now 19 -- went through this last year. It broke my heart to see this beautiful, talented girl suffering the way she was. Like you, we found a good therapist and she gave her coping exercises, encouraged her to get more exercise and she's much more solid and strong now.
Do you have family you can confide in; somebody who shares your background and can relate to it; somebody you can pick up the phone and talk to at any time when you're feeling bad? I bet you do if you reach out.
Or you can reach out here. We're here. And we want to help.
Good luck.

 

Glad to hear you had a good day hb. Thanks for the update. I hope today's a good one for you, too.

 

It's been a lousy couple days.

 

Why? Have you been going to your therapist still? Talking to anyone about it?

 

I've been going to the therapist, but it's just been a down weekend. The only thing I've accomplished in two days is doing the laundry earlier this morning.

 

Sometimes, if that's all you get done, it's better than nothing. Cut yourself some slack.

 

That's right. Take it for the small victory that it is. Today, try to do a little more. Go for a walk around the block. Get a dog if its for nothing more than that. He's got to go. You've got to take him.

 

I went through some depression back in my day. I had been seeing a girl for about three years after dropping out of college. Suddenly, I realized that I was a 24-year-old worthless piece of shit trying to hang onto a psychotic bitch and the same weekend party life that had been so wonderful when I was 19. Unfortunately, I didn't reach this epiphany until I had smashed my car into a flatbed truck at the tail end of a drug-filled night that ended with an argument with the girl.

Anyway, I started staying up nearly all night and sleeping late. But I wasn't just moping around. I was on the computer chatting back in the early days of the Yahoo Chat world. I felt that I could communicate with people I didn't know, and I couldn't. I wasn't judged, really.

What actually came out of this was a huge increase in my typing speed and a new path for my life. I went to college with plans to be a lawyer after getting a bachelor's degree in political science. But I'm a selfless hippie type, and it didn't take long to realize that politics and law are all about deception and screwing the other guy. This probably affected me a lot more than I had imagined. I had this career track planned out in junior high, so it was quite a shock to the system.

But I managed to refocus after watching my life spiral out of control, Within a few months, I was back in college. I replaced my car with a cheap Festiva I bought from a friend for $400 (It was supposed to be $500, but I never paid him the last $100). I was determined to become a writer, and my friends took notice. Finally, I wasn't just the guy who always forgets to cover the hole on the bong. I was recognized as a smart kid, the one who was near the top of his graduating class. That was a freeing experience. For too long, I had been playing along with my friends as if being a dead-beat was an acceptable career path.

I met my future wife just as I was beginning this transformation. We married about 18 months later. I was working a dead-end job and going to college.

It's now been nine years, and I can't believe that was once my life. I can't believe that I made it this far. But, upon reflection, I think the key was my willingness to be patient, to understand that I was always going to be playing catch up with the folks who didn't get off the track after high school. Today, I have found a comfort zone. But I can't tell you how many times I wanted to give up. There have been so many dark times. I lost a job that was my only income because I called in one day to cover a big news story for the school paper. There have been car repairs, a flood that ruined tons of stuff that had been stored in my garage.

But I've learned to accept that there will be low spots. By doing that, by understanding that they are not the norm, but short periods of despair, I'm able to cope. The problem that I used to have is that a low spot caused me to abandon all hope, and that resulted in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Example: Politicians are crooks who spend millions to win elections and then don't give a fuck what happens to their constituents. The old me would say, "Fuck it. I'm dropping out." The new me takes this bitter pill and puts a positive spin on it. The result might be to be the first politician who genuinely cares. The result might be to become a journalist and write a biting piece that puts these lifetime political types in their place.

The key is dealing with it. It's tough, but things are tons better if you can manage to pull yourself out of bed and find the will to say that you're not going to let this world beat you down. If you believe that tomorrow will be a better day, you'll get up and you'll plant some flowers in the yard and they'll grow and tomorrow, indeed, will be a better day. If you are resigned to the fact that the world sucks, then you're never going to change that outlook.