Depression, Part II

just to add to what others have said: the one day at a time thing helped me, but what worked for me - not necessarily as a cure but in making depression manage-able and not as crushing - is to take things one minute, two minutes, one hour at a time. when you're depressed the days seem to drag on forever. days are so long. weeks last months. months take years. so break it down. you'll get through today until lunch time. you'll deal with the next two hours and then go take a five minute walk around the building. etc.

 

Pets and friends and exercise and sleep and faith and all the other specifics are great, but the journey begins and ends, literally, with you. It's hard. No one can tell you what to do or what to feel, because you are the one doing and feeling. We're pulling for you.

 

Not to be overdramatic here, but you need to inspire yourself to take the hill you never have, dream the impossible dream and make it all TRUTH. A meaningful project that will drain the negative energy and replace it with something of real value. People always talk about the tunnel, but they never talk about the light.

 

One other thing HB.. are you getting enough sleep? That can be a problem

 

i have no advice. none. i'm not the type who can offer advice.

however, i can tell you you're not alone. i was as close to the edge as i've ever been just a little more than a week ago. it was bad. really bad. depression is something i've struggled with for a long, long time. and finally, i started seeing someone about it. the funny thing was, that high from realizing that really helped. it made me feel a little more in control. however, since that high came down, i'm just waiting for the meds to kick in. sometimes i think they are, sometime i think they aren't. i don't know. we'll see.

anyway, no advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

 

Lots of good advice on here, HB. I've been pretty open in speaking about my struggles with depression. On many days, just thinking about doing something as simple as making dinner can be a struggle. You start thinking about what to make, then you'll have to go the grocery store, then you have to prep things, and before you know it a simple job becomes so overwhelming that paralysis sets in. I had my 'can of Raid' moment once, very briefly, and it's a scary place to be.

Therapy is good because you need someone impartial to speak to. Friends and loved ones want to 'help' in some way but there isn't anything they can do really. I have found medication very helpful. I take "Cipralex" and it has made a lot of difference for me with no side effects. The hardest part - and most important - is to try not to beat yourself up. You didn't cause this. You don't deserve it. Like any other disease it is caused, often, by factors beyond your control.

In my case it has caused me to gain a lot of weight - weight that I worked my ass off to lose 5 years ago - and sometimes the sight of myself in a mirror fills me with unbelievable self loathing which I try to fight tooth and nail. It's hard but you have to give yourself permission to be sick rather than feed the depression even more by focusing on yourself as lazy or out of control or whatever.

The best advice was given earlier ... take it one day at a time. One of the hardest things about depression is that feeling of overwhelm so don't think about a week from now ... just focus on today. Plan the trip to the grocery store but don't think about making dinner. Just do one thing. Anything. I promise you, it will get better.

I have posted all this publicly because I think it's important to let people know what depression is and that is not something we need to be ashamed of but feel free to PM me if you want.

And remember, a world that has hockey can't be all that bad.

 

I just wanted to thank everyone who chimed in on the board or through PMs. I do hope that this thread can help others who may be depressed and feel like they have nowhere to go.

 

Another suggestion I will make that may seem a little offbeat: if your family has alcohol issues, consider going to a weekly Al-Anon group. This may seem like a strange way to battle personal depression, but if alcoholism is an issue in your family it may be a contributing factor to your current state of mind. Al-Anon is a support group, and that support can be essential, but the collective wisdom shared there can help you to understand why things are the way they are and why people do the things they do. If you know you have your own issues, look up an AA, NA, OA, whatever group. Again, this would not be a solution but another piece in the puzzle of healing.

 

it's very good that you're seeing someone. different things work for different people. some people can just buck up; for others medication helps. and talking to a pro is going to help you figure out the best way to cope. someone earlier said that knowing is half the battle--i couldn't agree more. best of luck.

 

I'm so glad that people are talking about this. The black dog has also had me by the throat for much of the last two years but I'm finally fighting him off with the help of medication, a good counsellor, and my family and friends.

Realizing that I had to cut out certain aspects of my life (notably my dead-end yet incredibly stressful job) was a significant step but it's one that I'm very, very glad I took. I still have bad days but they're fewer and farther between.

HB, and everyone else who is coping with depression and/or anxiety, please, please keep hanging in there. Life is worth living (I don't mean just existing) and it is definitely worth working through the problems.

P.S. Feel free to get angry -- it's a sign you've still got a fire left inside you, however small it may be. Just sit or lie as still as possible, close your eyes, concentrate on your breathing and let the feelings wash over you. Don't act on them, but don't try to stop them either. Eventually it passes and you can then get on with your day with a relatively clear mind. I have always been plagued by an absolutely vicious temper but this really works to keep me calm on those occasions when I would otherwise have gone on a rampage.

 

HB, you really are not alone. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with clinical depression over a month ago. My mom's side of the family has the psychotic genetic link. An older cousin of mine just told me a little about some of my family members on that side a year ago ... and it was like one of those "Oh shit" light bulbs going off in my head.

I probably have had low-level depression for a long time, plus other things that I continue to work on with professionals.

But right now ... this bad-boy depression has me going up and down. In fact, I have had to make some tough choices recently in order to get myself in a new environment and position to get that help I know I need.

No advice here, either. Just wishing you well and, again, letting you know that you are not alone. I send you positive energy and good thoughts, HB.

healingman

 

Thank YOU, HB, for having the guts to start this thread. This forum has been most helpful to me. Hopefully, for others, too. Great thread, and a great reminder of the general goodness of other humans. Amidst all the bullshit that goes on around me, I lose sight of the fact that most people's default mode is generally good.

Not much in the way of advice to offer here, but wanted to sort through my own thoughts on this.

When all else failed, I did the medication (Lexapro), and it helped. I was on Lexapro for almost a year, during which I had time to come up with a workout program and better diet (and the discipline to follow it). It's cliché, but the old staples -- diet, exercise, sleep -- can really make a difference.

The diet and sleep part is damn hard when you're in a job that requires a lot of travel. I just returned from three weeks in Australia, and the last few days have been a stark reminder that rolling yourself up into a metal tube and being hurled through the air at 600 mph is not something for which we're designed. I also ate an absurd amount of food, which is a lot easier to do when you're spending other people's money.

Never underestimate the therapeutic effect of a day off and good music. And this thread is good evidence of the fact that people generally don't suck. That's a reminder I need more often than I care to admit.