Death of someone who couldn't love himself

One day at a time, KOT... or if you have to, one hour at a time... whatever it takes.

 

+1

 

Takes money, but no one seems to understand that!

 

How much would you need to rectify the second part of your subject line? We are all powerless to stop the inevitability of death. We each have a choice to love ourselves. If you were out of debt tomorrow, could you? If you had $500,000 in the bank?

How much money would let you off the hook with yourself?

You might be surprised to know how little the money would truly help with that core issue. So, treat them as separate issues. They are.

Trust me.

 

ko,

Do your best with the money problems and don't take on the stress and worry. Just leave it.

 

KOT, is it possible to take a second small PT job, or even freelance work? That might help the money issue a bit.

 

I just finished three months of pizza delivery to whittle down the last round of hospital and psychiatrist bills. If my new job allowed it, I probably would do it a few more weeks. It sucks, but it can be done. You, me, winos and Bill Gates are all worth more than our bank balance.

 

Know this, most of the issues therapists try to help you with are not real-life and they often tell you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear. Plus they do not listen to your problems and instead generalize you with the rest of the population.

 

Well, what do you need to hear? And if you know the answer, why not make a point of telling it to yourself, and repeating it ad nauseum?

I've dealt with depression and anxiety and a big part of what got me through the worst of it was being aware, and constantly telling myself, that my perceptions weren't always the way things really were.

My point is, the mind is a powerful thing. But, with help and encouragement and commitment, you can learn to control it.

Regarding your financial situation, I've found that creditors often don't care if you only pay $5 per month toward the debt as long as you're making some kind of an effort. When things improve for you, you can increase the payments. Yes, it'll take way more time than you want before it's all cleared away, but you didn't get into the mess overnight, so you shouldn't expect to be able to resolve it immediately. That's not realistic.

Having seen my income trimmed to less than a third of what it was three years ago, and being solely responsible for three children during that time period, I know about money struggles. I also know there are solutions out there. Ask for help to find them.

 

It might help if you could define your money problems a bit more. What are they? What is the greatest cause?

Because if you have a bankruptcy, and have a job, it seems to me that what you really have is a good chance for a fresh start that not everybody gets.

A clean slate, with money coming in. If it's not enough, well, as others suggested, you may have to get a second job (I did this last year, and because of it, I went, I kid you not, from May 30 to Oct. 14 without a single day off). Or, you may have to try to find a better-paying single job. You may have to move in with family members, or rent out a room in your house, or sell whatever gold you have (yes, every little bit helps, and you have to think of and do everything). You may have to do without all the little luxuries that people no longer consider luxuries), or you might have to seek public aid, talk to any credit companies if you still have any cards, try to get on interest-free-for-a-year plans, or find a good debt consolidation company and take the time it takes (that will probably be years, if the payments are small, as they might need to be) to make things right, little by little, on your biggest debts. I'm currently in the process of doing this, and it's going to take a while (about four years if I never send in higher than the arranged payments), but it is manageable, financially, in my circumstances right now, so my stress levels are considerably lower than they were a few months ago, I'm thankful for the arrangement, and I can actually see my debt going down a little bit each month).

There are lots of people with money problems. They are not the end of the world, and they can be resolved, or at least worked on to the extent that you will worry less about them. (Perspective also will help with this).

Double J is right in what he says, and as I said earlier, it doesn't take as long anymore to rebound from a bankruptcy. Please try not to stress too much over this. Do what you can do during every day, and, after that, do your best to know that you've done that, and just let the rest go.

I heard this from my father once during a rough patch, and he related to me what he went though at one time while I was little. "Worry all you want at 2 in the morning," he said. "But during the day, do everything you can to try to do something about the problems." My dad, apparently, spoke from experience.

The sole bread-winner for our family, he had lost his job, and was close to panic as time went on and all he could think about was that he had a wife, four kids and a house to support, and no job, for four months. He wound up finding something out-of-state, and took it until he finally got something more suitable to our living arrangements.

But until then, our family went months with Dad working in another state during the week, and coming home on weekends...because that was all he could find, he needed to do something, and he did it.

As Double J said, it won't be easy, you probably won't like it, and you won't want to hear any of it. But you can work on this. You should do that. You'll feel better just for trying, even if you don't succeed in every step or every attempt. There really is something to trying, and at least knowing that you did your best.

 

Kickoff, how are you doing?