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Dartmouth soccer players taunt Harvard squash players

Discussion in 'Sports and News' started by Smallpotatoes, Dec 5, 2009.

  1. Smallpotatoes

    Smallpotatoes Well-Known Member


    Apparently, a few of the taunts crossed the line into anti-semetic or homophobic.
    I can't believe this paper actually had a guy covering a college squash match.
  2. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    Trinity, meanwhile, laughs at them all.
  3. OnTheRiver

    OnTheRiver Active Member

    They have goddamn rankings for college squash?
  4. zeke12

    zeke12 Guest

    Tim Tebow does not approve.
  5. 2muchcoffeeman

    2muchcoffeeman Active Member

    Quash college squash.
  6. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 15, 2014
  7. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    "You only cover us when we get squashed in squash!"
  8. The Big Ragu

    The Big Ragu Moderator Staff Member

    Of course this is all so horrifying and unseemly and ungentlemanly. But I really need to have a sit down with Susan Cohen.

    You see, Mrs. Cohen, your son is a competitive squash player at Harvard whose parents travel to see his matches.

    You named him Franklin, and he STILL goes by Franklin. Not Frank. Not some made up name like Bill to end-around what his parents did to him on his birth certificate.


    I realize he didn't get to choose his parents. He didn't pick the religion he was born into. ... and he is probably a great kid. ... But. ... you named him Franklin, and he STILL goes by Franklin. Franklin Cohen.

    Even if your kid isn't a douche. ... to the world you put him in, Mrs. Cohen, he's not just a douche: he's a Jewish douche. I know. It's not fair. But that's the way it has been since the moment you and your husband Jerry opened up the checkbook to enroll him at that elite prep school somewhere on the eastern seaboard.

    It's the tradeoff. Sure you could have kept him in the nice local public school your thousands of dollars of property taxes pay for. You know, the one with the Finkelstein kid he went to Hebrew School with--the one who is now pre-med at Brandeis. I'm sure the public school had a decent tennis team. ... even if he would have missed out on the magic that is an adolescence filled with competitive squash.

    But you didn't go that route. Nothing wrong with that, Mrs. Cohen. No one is being critical here.

    The thing is. ... now your sense of justice is askew, and you seem so confused by this tragic turn of events at Dartmouth. Your sense of outrage and victimization has been sparked. And why shouldn't it be? You go to all the same philanthropic events as those kids' parents. The ones in New York or Boston or wherever it is you come from. And even though you don't go to church on Sundays, you and Jerry consider yourself good people. You voted for a black man and you donated a turkey to a food bank this year!

    What happened to Franklin is not right. And I agree. But did you really think the little shits at Choate or Exeter or whatever you sent him, weren't thinking EXACTLY what those boorish Dartmouth students actually verbalized, because, well, that nasty, nasty Dartmouth-Harvard rivalry can make even the most well-heeled 19-year-old forget the things he is not supposed to ever actually say? Are you really still this surprised by the world, Mrs. Cohen?

    Look at it this way. Franklin gets to go to Harvard because you and Jerry set him up so well for life. He'll graduate from Stanford Business School or Yale Law with honors. He is a smart kid and he works hard. Hell, he's not even half bad at that silly sport you invested $52K worth of lessons and private court time in.

    And it's not like he has to wear a Scarlet J everywhere he goes, Mrs. Cohen. Really. He can wear striped ties if he wants, just like Chip and Theodore and all the other kids in the dorm who snicker at the fact that he plays squash.

    The unfortunate reality, though? ... every time he sticks out his hand and introduces himself as Franklin Cohen, there is a high likelihood that someone will be thinking "Jewish douchebag."

    It's just the way it is, Mrs. Cohen. I feel bad being the one to break it to you. But you need to know.

    Is it really THAT bad? I mean, a six-figure salary and lunchtime squash every day goes a long ways to soothing bruised feelings. ...IF he has any, Mrs. Cohen.

    I say, "if," because honestly, doesn't he go by Franklin because he already fancies himself Franklin D. Wasperbush when he closes his eyes at night? Wasn't that the whole goal? Didn't you and Jerry dream about that day?

    Be honest with us, Mrs. Cohen!

    Put it in that perspective, and who cares what others think? And if it matters that much, look at the bright side. He could be one of the dorky Asian kids he plays behind on the squash team. ... you know, the one who didn't get to have a childhood, because at the age of 9, he knew squash was his ticket to Harvard. Worse, HE has to wear his Asian shame on his face and double up on math credits because his overbearing parents are even kookier than you and Jerry! Things aren't so bad for Franklin, are they?

    He gets to introduce himself as Franklin if he wants to. And when his parents embarrass him by showing up to his squash matches, he can retreat to the dorm and smoke a bong with Chip and Theodore, who don't mind getting high with him (but someday will have reservations about letting him join their country club), and are thinking, "I wonder if the Jew has anything to eat" when the munchies set in.

    Do we REALLY have to feel sorry for Franklin, Mrs. Cohen? Can't we let it slide?
  9. qtlaw

    qtlaw Well-Known Member

    So just change your name to Bob Smith and everything's cool? Forget about the perpetrator's, the guy/family was just asking for it. Gotcha. And America just keeps moving forward; hell "where do those uppity minorities get off asking for more?" They need to PLAY THE GAME BY OUR RULES DAMMIT!
  10. waterytart

    waterytart Active Member

    qtlaw, I think that's exactly the attitude Ragu was trying to skewer, while simultaneously wondering why the parents went out of their way to set their son up for extra-large doses of it.

    Personally, I think the problem stems from the Ivies admitting people with names like Giudicelli. Everyone knows the Italians are hoodlums.

    ALEADER New Member


    I'll try to put this kindly and in small words. I find myself at the end of your tirade (which may I add is a personal attack to family whose son has been put through something embarrassing and public) - at your closing words “let it slide”. If Franklin Cohen was a Muslim, and these kids were making terrorism jokes, would people be saying to “let it slide?” If he was black and these kids were making comments about slavery, would you say “let it slide?” What if he was catholic and the comments were about molestation in the church? Or, perhaps none of these bother you, because none of them are a group that you identify with in any way. You’re comments about suburbia and class make clear that you are not only perpetrating a sick stereotype, but failing to see the point here.

    This is antisemitism and its in our schools. These are kids who sit around making fun of anyone who may not fit their white Christian world. And that is sick. I will end this by countering your personal attack with a thought. I have no idea what YOUR upbringing did to make you so cynical about people. What these “choate and Exeter kids think is THEIR problem, the problem of their parents and the communities they grew up in, and someone need to tell them to keep their vile and antisemitic thoughts to themselves. Go home, read the first amendment, and put away your confederate flag. You are worse than an antisemitic – you are one in denial.
  12. mb

    mb Active Member

    I know it makes me a terrible person, but I can't stop laughing about ...

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