Crossed Giblets of Death: The SJ Thanksgiving Family Therapy Thread

Last year's thread (generously titled by the great Fenian) saved me about $30,000 in psychotherapy, legal fees, oven repairs, and medical bills.

I told them not to eat the cheesecake.

Have at it. Your uncle who can fart 'Dixie', your brother with the mascara, your sister-in-law who makes everyone play Candy Bar Charades ("two syllables...woman...girl....her....HER? ok....woman again? I need more....her....HERHER?....Damn!....she? SHE? HER SHE?? HERSHEY!! YAY!! Who's next??!).

We are here for you.

In the meantime, I can see on my caller ID that every member of my family has called this morning, prior to their terrorist plot to destroy me once and for all impending arrival, and I am afraid to listen to the messages.

I will say a little prayer for all of us.

 

Like I have done for quite a few years, I will wake up early to play soccer. I will be drunk before noon. Then I will watch football and eat a lot of food. I expect a minimum of two different languages to be spoken at the dinner table and that the language I understand will not be the one expected of me.

In short... this is my favorite holiday. The rest pale in comparison.

 

I will be sitting at work, living vicariously through your posts. So, please, let's hear from everyone's Uncle Henry and Aunt Bertha. And 21, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without your mom stopping by.

 

I'll also be working after giving up a chance to go home to stay and work desk. So please...make it worthwhile.

 

It's just four of us. No travelling. No relatives.
Plus Kid No. 2 turns -- in a masterpiece of multilevel thread irony -- 21 on Friday.
I suspect we might all eat dinner in our pajamas.

 

Fenian,

Four peas.

 

I'm working as well and this will be the first Thanksgiving where I haven't gone to a relative's, so entertain me please!

 

We will eat at relatives where Mrs. Ace's folks from all around will gather.

We will gobble down dry turkey and three kinds of broccoli casserole (whose turn was it to bring the broccoli casserole this year?).

The ones from out of town will then quickly head to whatever stores are open for Thanksgiving to shop for whatever they may be selling.

Heartwarming, I tell you.

 

"One goes out ... and THEY ALL GO OUT!!!"





(Whoops. Get back to you next month.)

 

Yes. Share. Often. Some of us will need to forget we're on the desk. And the buffet that will probably make me sick.

 

That's dessert. after the ice cream.

 

My crew is going to my brother's house and we're taking two cars because I have to work Friday, when my in-laws are having their Thanksgiving dinner to accommodate my brother-in-law, who has to work tomorrow. What I'm missing: After dinner, The males all get together and shoot skeet over the cornfield next to my mother-in-law's house. Hey, you try shooting three clay pigeons with three .20 gauge shells on three shots mere hours after having partaken of l. tryptophan (or however the hell you spell it). I've actually made that shot once in 17 years. Then again, this is the one day a year I pick up a firearm. Meanwhile, the females will play a board game of some variety of board game, which will keep them inside where it's warm and allow them free rein to talk about the males.