College Football Week 10: Sandy knew not to mess with Nick and Les

This week's top games, featuring the SportsJournalists.com poll, Sportsbook.ag's early lines, p.m. Eastern times and NO CHEF2:

Thursday, Nov. 1

Eastern Michigan at Ohio (-17), 6, ESPNU
Ohio has one loss. Eastern Michigan has one win. No one gives a fuck.

Virginia Tech (-2½) at Miami (Fla.), 7:30, ESPN
Bruce Smith and Vinny Testaverde are embarrassed that it's come to this.

Middle Tennessee at Western Kentucky (-9), 9:15, ESPNU
The Hilltoppers lost by fewer points to both Alabama and Louisiana-Monroe than Arkansas did.

Friday, Nov. 2

Washington at California (-4), 9, ESPN2
Is anyone else fucking sick of Jeff Tedford? Whose naked photos does that guy own to have kept his job this long?

Saturday, Nov. 3

Missouri at No. 8 Florida (-16½), 12, ESPN2
Hey, the Tigers won an Southeastern Conference game. NEVER AGAIN. KILL IT WITH FIRE.

Temple at No. 11 Louisville (-15), 12, ABC
The Cardinals should be embarrassed to call themselves undefeated.

No. 14 Oklahoma (-11) at Iowa State, 12, ABC
This is not a big game. Bob Stoops will win this game.

No. 17 Texas A&M (-6½) at No. 16 Mississippi State, 12, ESPN
You can pretend you have an idea how good the Bulldogs are. You don't. But that game in Tuscaloosa was fucking hilarious.

Vanderbilt (-7½) at Kentucky, 12, ESPNU
It's a rematch of last year's SEC (men's basketball) title game.

Michigan at Minnesota, 12, Big Ten Network
Denard Robinson is to college football as Tim Tebow is to the NFL, minus Jesus.

Tulsa at Arkansas (-6½), 12:20
The Golden Hurricane are 7-1 but underdogs vs. the 3-5 Razorbacks, which proves Las Vegas knows the old adage that John L. Smith is the most unpredictable human being ever to exist.

Georgia Tech (-7½) at Maryland, 12:30
The Terrapins will start a freshman linebacker at quarterback. And they still will beat the Yellow Jackets because Paul Johnson is creating a job vacancy like a good American.

No. 15 Stanford (-28) at Colorado, 2, FX
This line is stupid. The Buffaloes are the worst.

TCU at No. 22 West Virginia (-7), 3, Fox
Dana Holgorsen plans to ask someone from the Disciples of Christ if it counts as premarital sex when she's married.

Pittsburgh at No. 3 Notre Dame (-16½), 3:30, NBC
I would rather watch Huey Newton vs. Mickey Ward in a Black Panther vs. Fighting Irishman boxing match.

Illinois at No. 6 Ohio State (-25), 3:30, ESPN
Oh, how I wish Ron Zook could be around for this.

Mississippi at No. 7 Georgia (-14), 3:30, CBS
Have you every seen Bo Wallace? Bo Wallace looks like a frat bro. Have you ever seen Jarvis Jones? Jarvis Jones murders frat bros.

No. 25 Texas at No. 20 Texas Tech (-7), 3:30, ABC/ESPN2
Mack Brown has entered I-don't-give-a-fuck territory.

No. 21 Nebraska (-1) at Michigan State, 3:30, ABC/ESPN2
The Big Ten Conference is stupid.

No. 2 Oregon (-7½) at No. 18 Southern California, 7, Fox
You should watch this game for one hour.

No. 10 Clemson (-13½) at Duke, 7, ESPN2
This line is trolling JackReacher.

No. 1 Alabama (-9½) at Louisiana State, 8, CBS
Death. When Nick Saban inhales, he takes souls. The painless death doesn't stop him. When Nick Saban's lungs fill with souls, he returns to the bodies. Nick Saban's favorite method of torturing corpses is removing digits with a needle-nose plyers. Nick Saban comes at night, comes to those who have wronged him in the past. The Tiger is dead, but Nick Saban returns for more. The Tiger was killed last January, and its body is rotted. Flies are afraid of Nick Saban. Nick Saban kills flies. Nick Saban inhales the souls of flies, too. The Tiger will be ripped apart. The Tiger must be ripped apart, for the Tiger wronged Nick Saban. Nick Saban is a demon of vengeance, a bringer of death.

Oklahoma State at No. 3 Kansas State (-9), 8, ABC
Do you really plan to watch this game?

Arizona State at No. 13 Oregon State (-4½), 10:30, ESPN2
Mike Riley was rough on the Beavers after their first loss. He gave it to the Beavers raw all week.

San Diego State at No. 19 Boise State (-13½), 10:30, CBS Sports Network
Blue fucking turf.

No. 24 Arizona at UCLA, 10:30
No one wants to win the Pac-12 Conference South.

 

Auburn finally gets to pick on someone its own size, hosting 1-7 New Mexico State for an 11:30 a.m. kickoff. The game being homecoming may be its only chance to break 50,000 in attendance.

 

Or not. Homecoming is AAMU.

 

http://www.auburntigers.com/sports/m-footbl/sched/aub-m-footbl-sched.html

Note the (HC) next to New Mexico State.

 

If Chizik loses Saturday, they will dump him on the spot. God, I hope they lose.

A more dispicable human being, I can't think of one.

 

Really?

 

http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2011/09/auburn_schedules_alabama_am_fo.html?mobRedir=false

Your info is correct, but at least I know I'm not losing my mind now.

 

Don't fight when you can Roll Tide, boys.

 

He's probably Auburn's next coach. Jetgate or no Jetgate. That's ancient history. Both parties are as desperate as a hobo after a 40-day fast. Both clamor for redemption. It's a marriage made in heaven...or at least purgatory. Petrino is an a-hole, but he's one helluva offensive coach. One of the best playcallers I've ever seen.

Chizik: dead man walking! I just can't believe, considering the kind of recruiting classes he's had on the Plains, that his team is this bad. I think he made a mistake last year in not giving quarterback Kiehl Frazier the full-time job, allowing him some on-the-job training. His struggles early could've taken place last year.

It's one thing to have a QB controversy when two really good QBs are battling for the job, but it's quite another when you're trying to find the one that sucks the least.

I think the biggest problem with Auburn is the corrosive culture in the athletic department. They need to clean house, completely.

 

Kiehl Frazier is so fucking terrible.

 

This is almost a year old, but will explain Auburn's lack of roster talent despite its recruiting success:

http://www.al.com/sports/index.ssf/2012/01/what_happened_to_gene_chiziks.html

Their "top 10 classes" from Chizik's first two years were pretty hollow, given that about 40 percent of those guys — who would be fifth-year seniors or fourth-year seniors/juniors now — either never made it to campus, got dismissed/quit the team or were JuCo guys with only two years of eligibility.

Meanwhile, more trouble for Jordan Jefferson:

http://www.wwltv.com/sports/college/Report-Jordan-Jefferson-ordered-to-report-to-jail--176421881.html

 

Stupid? Yes.
Dispicable?..eh