College Football Week 1: These Wolverines Lack Healing Factor

We are two weeks away from the first Saturday of the college football season, and the Associated Press' preseason poll is out. So I figured we should get started already. Here's a rundown of the Top 25 games and other notable action (all times p.m. Eastern):

Thursday, August 30

No. 9 South Carolina at Vanderbilt, 7, ESPN: Keep an eye out for the wives of Commodore assistant coaches. Also, for that awkward moment when Steve Spurrier tries to put Stephen Garcia in the game.

Washington State at BYU, 10:15, ESPN: BYU probably will win this game, but Mike Leach is back, if that's the kind of thing you get excited for. Three-yard passes don't do much for me.

Friday, August 31

Tennessee vs. North Carolina State, in Atlanta, 7:30, ESPNU: That shit Bray.

No. 24 Boise State at No. 13 Michigan State, 8, ESPN: The Kellen Moore era of Broncos football is over. That doesn't mean much to me; I still expect to see Jared Zabransky under center when I watch Boise State.

San Jose State at No. 21 Stanford, 10, Pac-12 Networks: How many times is the national media going to try to convince me to care about Stanford this year? Also, does anyone get Pac-12 Networks?

Saturday, September 1

Notre Dame vs. Navy, in Dublin, Ireland, 9 a.m., CBS: There's a good chance a soccer game breaks out. That only helps Notre Dame's chances.

Ohio at Penn State, noon, ESPN: Coverage of this game is sure to ruin your weekend either way, so you might as well watch.

Marshall at No. 11 West Virginia, noon: If you're a couch, you hate this game.

Miami (Ohio) at No. 18 Ohio State, noon, Big Ten Network: Urban Meyer plans to leave at halftime for lunch with his family.

Buffalo at No. 6 Georgia, 12:21: Contrary to one preseason magazine cover's connotation, Mark Richt still hasn't won shit. But he'll win this game.

Southern Mississippi at No. 17 Nebraska, 3:30, ABC/ESPN2: It's not going to be the same without Carl Pelini.

Northern Iowa at No. 12 Wisconsin, 3:30, Big Ten Network: FAROKHMANESH! Also, Montee Ball will score touchdowns.

Bowling Green at No. 23 Florida, 3:30, ESPN: Will Muschamp will be fired at halftime if the Gators trail.

Miami (Fla.) at Boston College, 3:30, ABC/ESPN2: There once was a man named Flutie. He was small and the girls called him a cutie. Threw far as he could; Musburger got wood. And Uncle Luke's face got all droopy.

Murray State at No. 7 Florida State, 6, ESPN3: You guys, this is seriously going to be EJ Manuel's year. Seriously.

No. 14 Clemson vs. Auburn, in Atlanta, 7, ESPN: Quick: Name a player on Auburn.

North Texas at No. 3 LSU, 7, ESPNU: Hayden Fry wasn't afraid of no Honey Badger, and he sure ain't scared of no one named Barkevious.

Jacksonville State at No. 10 Arkansas, 7, ESPN3: As if anyone has a damn clue what John L. Smith will do next.

Savannah State at No. 19 Oklahoma State, 7: Justin Blackmon is going to drunkenly drive onto the field and wind up with eight catches for 153 yards and two scores.

Missouri State at No. 22 Kansas State, 7: Bill Snyder is just like Joe Paterno, minus the whole child-rape-enabling thing.

Hawaii at No. 1 Southern Cal: Lane Kiffin says he wouldn't pick his team to win, but he's putting $10,000 on it.

No. 8 Michigan vs. No. 2 Alabama, in Arlington, Texas, 8, ABC: Denard Robinson already is practicing his fetal position.

No. 4 Oklahoma at UTEP, 10:30, Fox SportsNet: If this were a major bowl game, Bob Stoops would find a way to lose.

Arkansas State at No. 5 Oregon, 10:30, ESPN: I'm pretty sure ESPN is trolling us by televising every Oregon game to get us to make fun of the jerseys.

Sunday, September 2

Kentucky at No. 25 Louisville, 3:30, ESPN: There Will Be Basketball Jerseys.

SMU at Baylor, 6:30, Fox SportsNet: Over/under on mentions of Robert Griffin III: 47.

Monday, September 3

Georgia Tech at No. 16 Virginia Tech, 8, ESPN: Seems a bit early for the ACC Championship Game, but whatever works.

 

All is forgiven if the Fightin' Frankies win. I doubt I'll ever tire of seeing that man do well.

 

I am so excited that I will finally be in the country during college football season.

 

I almost think they should be favored.

 

Maybe this guy will be at the game, too ... don't think he's on an NFL roster anymore ...



Hopefully the marriage is doing better than his pro career.

 

How much does Alabama need to win by to secure the top spots from USC (in the AP poll) and LSU (in the coaches poll)?

 

Huzzah to the waitresses and hoteliers in Happy Valley!

 

Hey, where's your blurb on Missouri-Southeastern Louisiana?

Never mind, hatah.....

Southeastern Louisiana at Missouri, 7 p.m., ESPN3 (thank God almighty!): James Franklin is apparently fully healthy and ready to try to follow up on an up-and-down, but generally productive first season as a dual-threat starting quarterback. If the offensive line is a lot more decent than people think it will be, Franklin could gain Denard Robinson-type notice. The defense needs Sheldon Richardson to show five-star-recruit stuff on the line for the Tigers to be a threat in the SEC East.

 

South Carolina will crap out a 13-9 win, or somesuch nonsense.

Bama by 14. No way Michigan's front 7 holds up.

 

Love the opening weeks of the college football season. Trying to make sense of the first week, especially with so many of the usual mismatches. My favorite element is not the games but the "value" along the way.

I usually look for teams with experienced QBs and "run with them" and I love watching programs with new coaches sputter amid new systems. You can count on it every September.

- Seeing lots of action coming in against Penn State. When a line drops from -15 to -6 1/2, that almost makes me want to lay it on Penn State. Sure, they're down and have lost a bunch but I think the emotion of "coming back" will guide them to a cover over Frank's Green Bobcats. (Yet I am still rooting for Ohio U).

- Take Iowa -8 against Northern Illinois. Iowa will be their typical 8-4 but NIU lost a ton of players.

- I actually like Michigan and 12 points vs. Alabama. Denard Robinson could keep them in the game and I see a back-door cover on a late junk TD.

- 37-star lock of the year. Toledo +10 at Arizona. Rich Rod has a new system and Toledo won a bowl game last year and brings in experienced QBs. This is the "ideal clash"--- experienced underdog vs. BCS school with new coach/new system.

- Tennessee will be better. At NC State to open. Went from -7 to -4... good value there. Not a lock by any means, but a comfortable 10-point Vol win could be very likely.

- I think Minnesota was last an 8-point road favorite was in 1941. Pass.

My favorites are actually win totals. There will be much to savor here:
- Michigan State (8.5), Wisconsin (9), USC (10.5), Ohio State (8.5), Boise State (9.5) will all win more than LV Hilton thinks.
- Notre Dame (8.5), Stanford (8.0), Arkansas (8.5) and Texas A&M (7) will not.

And if you're not a big winner, the next week is free!!!!!

1-800-MIKE-WINS
$35 per call.

 

You obviously haven't heard the reports from spies inside practices lately, who say Franklin has regressed and the O-Line is seriously banged up.