Christmas Columns

I would thank Tom Petty but I think people may, just may, think I'm talking about the singer.

 

who cares? the column is for you, dog, not anyone else ... get with it.

 

I once wrote a Christmas column -- my first year in the business.

If I could remember the clothes I was wearing when I wrote it, I'd soak 'em in gasoline and burn 'em.

Never again.

 

See, that would be a good start for this year's column. That could be a present you give yourself.

 

If I'm not mistaken, Red Smith wrote a Christmas column nearly every year -- occasionally even in verse form. Now, none of us are Red Smiths, however, seems the practice worked all right for him.

 

It wasn't a wretched cliche yet when he did it. Don't do it.

 

Oh, I think it's been done before... let's look back a couple of millennia....

JERUSALEM -- Yes, the old hourglass on the wall says it's Christmas, and even though we don't officially call it that yet, it's still time to hand out our gifts to sporting types in honor of the little baby born in a manger down the road just about a year ago.

So here we go...

 

Yikes. That was atrocious - and not even local.

 

As much as I dislike the "Dear Santa" and other Christmas columns, readers do actually like that crap.

 

i decided to write a christmas column this year.

i figured i'd do something new and unique so i wrote a piece directed to a little girl named virginia. i thought it turned out well ... hell, i just might even run it every year.

 

At a former place of employment, we had a nonpracticing Jewish writer give out lumps of coal. It was hilarious. Local hoops stars arrested? They get jail suits.

And it always ended with a better luck next year type ending. He would poke fun at any controversy over the year. The tone was pretty good too, it wasn't aggressive or confrontational. I was stunned how well it worked.

Wishing for a state title for the local golf coach is a bit hokey. Makes me want to scratch my eyes out.

I hate suburban small town weeklies and small dalies. Too wholesome and too much milk and cookies.

 

PH -- was it a wretched cliche when Jim Murray did it? I mean, you know, that was the late 90s?

I'm just trying to find the date between when it was acceptable and unacceptable.
Since these guys must have been "hacks" for even considering it (and I didn't realize they were pioneers of the Christmas column genre), I think it'd be useful to know when something made the transition from being acceptable column fodder to "wretched cliche."

I'd wager this is a matter of personal preference on the part of everyone here. I'd also submit that Christmas is the biggest event of interest in the lives of readers on the two or three days surrounding. I don't disagree with the charges of cliche, but give me a hit meter, and I think some of these columns will probably do as well or better as a straight-up column. Not that reader interest is the final arbiter, but you know, they're kind of nice to have once in a while.

Murray lede from Dec. 22, 1996 . ..

--

He's making a list, he's checking it twice.

So are we. Here's our list, our stocking for Santa to fill this Year of Our Lord 1996.

First, let's give L.A. a pro football franchise. Anybody but the Oakland Raiders. Not our type.

Give the Lakers a designated free thrower and make it legal to have one. I mean, why not? They have the designated hitter for pitchers who can't hit, don't they? I mean, this way other teams can't beat the Lakers simply by fouling Shaquille O'Neal down the stretch. Shaq can't make a basket unless two or more guys are hanging onto him.

Give the Dallas Cowboys a good criminal lawyer. Either that or less criminal players. The team motto and song should be "You have the right to remain silent. . . ."

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You get the picture. Obviously, this ain't what won Jim the Pulitzer. But again, I don't think there are any absolutes on this.