Child discipline

My 7-year-old daughter (and her little friend) just made a stupid decision - they tried to put one of my wife's daycare's portable cribs away. We keep a portable crib in each of the kids' bedrooms during the daycare because that's where we put the little ones at for nap time.

Anyhoo, an hour before nap time, my daughter and her friend are playing in her room. They decide the portable crib (called a pack 'n play for you non-parental types) was in the way. Since it folds easily (for an adult), they decide to break it down themselves and put it away. Well, the couldn't figure it out and soon hopped in the crib, which obviously isn't built for two third graders. They ended up breaking one of the legs. It's still usable, but likely not the safest thing.

When confronted, I could tell my daughter was going to try to talk her way out of it until her friend admitted both of their guilt. No apology from either, by the way. My wife and I talked, and we told our daughter that as punishment she would have to sweep the driveway and put mulch down in the flower garden and around the bare spots by the swingset (state regulation for daycares). She refused. Then we told her no chore, no TV in her room ever again. She whined, whined and whined that she wanted a "different punishment." So we told her we could cancel her birthday Saturday ( : : : ) She still hasn't agreed to the punishment, but I told her she would do it.

Back in the day, I would never have thought to talk to my parents like that, and gawd knows if I broke something I knew I shouldn't have been fooling with, I couldn't have said sorry enough. My wife and I aren't pushovers (our younger daughter always accepts her punishment without much fight), but what do you do with a daughter/son who constantly presses her luck like this? We don't believe in spanking (we do every now and then, however and only during non daycare hours) so I don't know what other means to lay the smack down.

Come Saturday when I tell my older daughter to get busy, I know she'll resist until I drag her outside.

 

um, you're not pushovers, but the spoiled brat has a tv in her room and gets to accept or not accept her punishment? gimme a break.

who are the parents here? ??? ???

what do you do? no spanking, but you decide the punishment and then stick to it. if it's not something she likes, well, that's the point, isn't it?l
shockey, father of boys age 16, 13, 11

 

Hmmmmm . . . I'm going to have to think about this for a minute.

 

Whoa ... who are you calling a brat? Better take it easy before you start calling my daughter a brat. She did nothing to you for you to call her that.

Nothing wrong with TV in her bedroom. It's not like she locks herself in there and watches TV all day. And no, she doesn't get the choice of accepting or not accepting her punishment. She's going to sweep the driveway and put mulch down.

Again, my younger daughter rarely refuses punishment. We're just kind of at wits end.

 

sorry about calling her a brat. but what's it sound like to you? ??? ???

the kid doesn't apologize, balks at punishment and has a tv in her room at 7? sounds bratty to me.

 

my folks never put a hand on me. but we also knew full well not to push it too far. sounds like that ship's already sailed on king.

 

Denis Leary said:

 

King ... this is kind of a milestone moment here for you and your wife. Your daughter is starting to feel a bit of independence that comes from being a little bit older, and like a three-year-old's sometimes puzzling behavior, she's simply testing her limits (and yours). How you proceed here is important.

Above all else, she's got to understand she's being punished for doing wrong, regardless of the actual punishment (or, ultimately, how you carry out that punishment). And if it takes you dragging her out into the yard, so be it. You may have to waste a day (and cajole her with a couple of impatient threats, like "Better get that sod laid down or you're going to be late for your own birthday party...") to stand by her and crack the whip, but it's better to establish the discipline right off.

And don't refer to the other daughter who accepts her punishment. That just leads to no good.

 

Generally, she's a good kid. Nice, popular, willing to help around the house, good grades, teacher's pet, pplays hard at softball practice/games, etc. But when it comes to stuff like this, we're dealing with a tornado sometimes. I guess I just don't get it, you know? And I know I'm not alone.

 

You aren't explaining the punishment properly.

If you were to say, "We have to pay for the crib that YOU broke, so YOU have to work to cover that," then it would make sense.

Place the blame and punish the blamed. Otherwise you'll end up raising a future page designer who always points the finger at the editor, the writer, the reader, etc., and that would be bad.

And if all of that falls short:

"Break me off a switch, boy. There's gonna be a whippin'." [Note to the sarcasm-impaired: /sarcasm]

 

Go get me something to beat you with.

Yeah, right Dad. :
I'm ripping off the corner of a piece of paper in that case.