Check out Michael Silver's pimpin' new mug and column name!

He's out of control. He wrote a piece in the last year or so where he "rolled" with a few of the big-time athletes in my city. He talked about all the hip places they went in the trendy neighborhoods ... only it was all fabricated. Those places weren't in those neighborhoods. A ton of it never matched up. I think he's full of shit, and I think he tries rather hard to convince you that he's hetero.

 

This is great stuff, guys.

 

If you haven't seen it. Silver is sporting a new mug shot.

That said, below is what I consider the Mona Lisa of columnist mug shots.

 

I must be missing all of this. I mean, the hedshot is a joke. But Silver is as good a reporter/feature writer as SI has. No one gets deeper with athletes than he does. No one else reports on when Bary Zito lost his virginity or what Peyton Manning's childhood home looks like.
Some of it is fluff. Of course, he only writes about successful athletes after they've won something or as they're about to win something. So it's all suck-upy stuff.
But behind all that, behind the "rolling with the athletes stuff," there is a ton of real work. Like, in the Manning article, for every bit of copy of how cool/quirky Peyton is, there is the chunk about how Eli had reading problems and wasn't allowed in his prep school until seventh grade. So of all the articles people have written about the Mannings, he's the first (I'm pretty sure) to report that.
Listen, the guy obviously thinks he's cool. So what? However it helps him do more reporting than anyone, that's fine with me. You may not want to be friends with him. But as a reporter, Silver is great.

 

Silver is a good writer. And a good reporter. But the love of pop-culture metaphors in nausiating. I sure that he has a very difficult job, turning out quality stuff every week, one that I'm not sure I could do. But I roll my eyes so often during his articles because he comes across as trying too hard. Pop culture metaphors are disposable. And they feel lazy. He's too good of a writer to be relying on this stuff nearly every article.

Here is a example of the kind of thing Silver does that drives me crazy...

From a story about the Super Bowl in 1999:

At that point the Titans looked fresh and energized, while the Rams were breathing more heavily than a bunch of construction workers watching Ashley Judd walk past.

From a story about the Rams defense:

There was also something intangible provided by battle-tested veterans like Williams, free safety Kim Herring, outside linebacker Mark Fields and defensive end Chidi Ahanotu, each of whom was about as rattled by the Philly comeback as Tony Soprano would be by a speeding ticket.

About Joey Harrington:

He's a promising kid in a pitiless pressure cooker, his every move scrutinized, his every fit and start entwined with the Motor City's fragile identity. No, we're not talking about platinum-selling rapper Eminem. Shattering hip-hop stereotypes may be daunting, but try being Detroit Lions rookie quarterback Joey Harrington each Sunday, staring down stage fright and quick, vicious, 300-pound dudes who can bench-press you and one of your kid brothers at the same time.

About Broncos linebacker Al Wilson:

It took Al Wilson about five minutes to take charge of the
Broncos' defensive huddle, stepping in as the starting middle
linebacker for the two-time Super Bowl champions early last
season and flapping his lips like Eminem after a six-pack of Red
Bull.

About LaDanian Tomlinson:

That's the way all Chargers fans are when it comes to the player known as LT. Mindful that their lovely coastal city has turned into an NFL wasteland, they cling to Tomlinson like a bunch of NBC executives clustered around Donald Trump at the wrap party for The Apprentice.

About Priest Holmes:

If a potential appearance or autograph session conflicts with his rigid training schedule, Holmes will say no faster than Jeremy Shockey fielding a guest-appearance request from a Queer Eye for the Straight Guy producer.

On the AFC East:

In the AFC Beast, you do what you have to do, for life in this division amounts to a series of Survivor episodes. Banished from the island on Sunday along with the Bills (7-6), a 1999 playoff team, were the defending division-champion Indianapolis Colts (7-6), whose 27-17 defeat by the Jets at Giants Stadium continued a plunge from expected Super Bowl contention.

On the Ravens defense:

Digging into a crab-cake appetizer on the Wednesday before the game at Armani's, a posh Tampa restaurant, Rob Burnett, Baltimore's vastly underrated defensive end, made his prediction by quoting from rapper Jay-Z's latest hit: "Zip, zero--stingy with dinero."

 

Yuck.

 

Isn't this a ripoff of the Orlando Sentinel's "ride along" series?

 

I actually liked Hustle's 'Frost booed' a lot better than 99% of the stuff DD just quoted.

 

"Banned from the island" is sooo 1998.

 

Can anyone find the story where Counting Crows singer Adam Duritz is calling him on his cell phone?

Also - Tony Soprano got PISSED one episode when he got a speeding ticket. I mean P-I-S-S-E-D.

 

Ouch. Those are gross. I hate pop culture stuff, too. It reeks of trying too hard. But I've sort of assumed this is part of the package. You get to get in deep, but have to deal with him trying to make you think he's hip. Oh well. Like I said, I still love it.

 

Jeebus, Double D.
That's some formidable research right there.