Canada doesn't know how to wipe its butt

Moms write survival guide for coddled young adults
http://www.canada.com/topics/lifestyle/story.html?id=e3e8fd70-c5eb-4774-b928-716543dcfc09


Sharon Hill , Canwest News Service

WINDSOR, Ont. -A son with scurvy because he thought he could survive on chicken wings and beer got two moms thinking they should write a book.

A guide to adulthood. A how-to book with things as simple as how to boil water and how to wipe your bum, and trickier tasks like tying a Windsor knot and managing your finances.

It was one of McKay's sons who got scurvy but Zarzour said her own teenage son's attempts at cooking show the book is needed.

``We'll start easy. Here's a box of chicken nuggets, go for it,'' Zarzour said recalling a classic case of confused cooking. ``And of course he's yelling out: `What's a cookie sheet?' I mean, how did I not remember to teach him what a cookie sheet was?''

Another exchange she recalled had her son, while following a recipe, asking: ``What's a tsps?''

``What do you mean tsps?''

``It's spelled TSP.''

``Teaspoon, honey.''

Zarzour said it's partly Baby Boomer parents and partly the society we live in that's to blame.

She said it's not that teens or young adults are dumb. (Who helps older adults with their cellphones and computers?) It's just that they've been micro- managed.

A generation that's been been busy taking cello lessons and playing travel hockey never learned how to vacuum, clean a bathroom or cook.

``I am certain not one of my kids knows there is a vacuum bag to take out, ''said Zarzour.

It's also about priorities. She's more interested in letting her kids get their homework done so they can get into university than making them clean toilets.

``We're trucking them around, trying to enrich their lives and feeding them in the McDonald's drive thru. It takes time to teach them how to cook. It takes time to teach them how to properly clean the bedroom. None of us really have that time.''

And kids don't take home economics in school or pick up practical skills such as sewing on a button - skills their parents likely learned in Brownies or Scouts. Now Zarzour wishes she'd taught her kids more about living in the real world.

Zarzour, who grew up in Windsor but now lives in the Toronto area, has 18- year-old and 12-year-old sons and a 16-year-old daughter. McKay's kids are older.

``Hers were sort of already out there making hilarious and stupid mistakes with their attempts to be independent,'' Zarzour said.

``Gradually, my own son started doing really stupid things. I said there's a book in this. We can't be the only ones.''

The book, published by Penguin Canada, sells for $24.

And in case you're wondering how to wipe your bum, the book recommends front to back - that's to move bacteria away from your genitals.

And wash your hands! The book tells readers how to do that, too.

Windsor Star

 

I'm not coddled. I just have people to wipe my ass for me.

 

If you want to work at the Plain-Dealer, you're going to have to wipe your own ass.

 

That's how you know you've made it.

 

That's some food for thought, f-t.

 

Canada may not know how to wipe its butt, but my kids can't even flush the toilet. So it all evens out in the end, it seems.

 

I don't even like the seat being left up in my house.

 

Geez, Ace. My cat is on par with your kids. A couple of years ago, I kept walking into my bathroom to find an ungodly piss stench. I just thought I either didn't flush the last time, or the loo didn't flush well enough. Then, in the middle of one night, I walked in on my cat pissing in the toilet. Hunched over the side. Giving me the "little privacy, huh!?!?" look. I dream of the day he 1) decides he can crap there, too, and 2) learns to flush.

 

Bullshit.

 

Well, if my kids don't get better, I'm sending them to Canada.

 

BUT I CAN WIPE MY OWN ASS! I CAN WIPE MY OWN ASS! /kid from Big Daddy