Black Friday is out of control

So I'm sitting outside a Staples, hoping to land a cheap laptop, having been here an hour. Same laptop's actually even cheaper at Circuit City, but the line there was insane last night -- 100 deep at 9 p.m. on Thursday, with dozens of tents, people with freaking full-sized mattresses on the ground. Craziness.

 

Says the guy sitting outside Staples at 4am.

 

Went home with nothing. Laptops are the first thing to go. Getting there at 4 a.m. didn't cut it.

 

SUCKER!

 

I just kicked some Black Friday ass. Got what I needed, cheaply, and didn't wait in line long. I am a shopping ninja.

 

Even JCPenney, home of the annual Mickey Mouse snow globe, was insanely crazier than in years past. Last year, there might have been seven people at the door for a 5 a.m. opening. This year, for a 4 a.m. opening, there were almost 300. And my parents, living 700 miles away, reported the same thing.

 

You people are crazy.

 

Where's O'Reilly when you need him?

War on Christmas? Screw dat -- what we need is a war on Black Friday. I cringed yesterday every time I saw a Kohl's ("We're open at 4 a.m.!") add -- knowing that that meant thousands of Kohl's employees had that 2 a.m. wakeup alarm hanging over their head all day yesterday.

Black Friday is example No. 23,417 of how America's lost the plot in the 21st Century.

 

My wife is out in it, as usual.

She returned home for something.

"No laptop?"

"I can get one cheaper online, with more stuff, and don't have to wait in line for it."

Then, with the minivan engine humming, she departed again with a maniacal glint in her eye and thoughts of the mall.

 

I love to shop (a lot) but I've never been shopping on Black Friday. Part of me wants to try it, but part of me has trouble getting out of bed when it's still dark out on a day I don't have to go to work.

The big outlet mall near my parents' opens at midnight on Black Friday and is open 'til 10 that night. 22 straight hours of Black Friday insanity. Those poor employees.

 

Not to be a scold, or to harsh anyone's Black Friday citizen-consumer buzz, but just to suggest a rational alternative to camping on the sidewalk overnight to buy another DVD player, or rising at 4am to get an additional 20% off a reindeer-themed sheet set, this:

For what a lot of us will spend today on sweaters, fondue sets and power tools, you could save the lives of a couple hundred children.

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/news/malnutrition/index.cfm

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/donate/