Battling addiction???

First Q Man, the best advice that I can offer is to pray, pray continuously for your sister. Sometimes that's the best thing you can do.

I've been down this road many, many years with my older brother. He's almost seven years older than me, and I can remember riding with my mom at 3 a.m. to pick him up from jail for a DWI, or visiting him in rehab when he was struggling with alcohol, cocaine and other drug use.

Even though my mom and I offered help, intervention, tough love, etc. ... my brother didn't stop or want to get help until he wanted it. His first month-long trip to rehab was court-ordered, but it worked wonders. He was clean for a while, and a little while later, he was back on. He went to rehab again on his own choices, and he hasn't done drugs (still drinks) since, as far as I know.

Show your sister as much love and support as humanly possible. Show her how much you and your family really do love her. And truly never stop praying for her. Sometimes I wonder why my mom and I haven't stopped praying for my brother for almost 10 years, but I have seen differences. She'll see the truth one day. Leave her in God's hands.

Prayers for your sister and your family.

 

Q, I know about addictions all too well. Needless to say, by God's grace, I've been clean and sober for more than a decade. I still have lots of "life shit" to deal with, OK. But I believe I can offer a little insight to you.

First off, yes, pray for your sister to have the willingness to follow through with rehab. I've been through two 2-year periods in my life where I had to help, cajole, watch, stumble and cry my way through watching a close family member deal with substance abuse and mental health issues. I wouldn't wish that on any soul here on the boards or anywhere else.

Second, I would like to echo an earlier suggestion for you and that is to try Al-Anon. My experience: This 12-step program has been helpful and supportive to me and for me in my life.

Third, take care of YOU. I capped the "you" part because I know that in the middle of a fucking firestorm like this, "you" get lost in the shuffle. I read earlier that you've been doing a good job of separating yourself from your sister. That's called tough love in some corners, Q.

Know that you can PM me if you want or need further support during these times. May God or the God of your understanding walk by your side and your family's side one day at a time.

 

I just want to thank everyone both here and who PM'ed for providing some wonderful support and advice. It's been much appreciated and some of it has already been put into use.

It appears my sister is settling into rehab after a rought first day. She called my parents last night and my dad said she sounded 100% different than she did on Tuesday. More relaxed and ready to heal than she had in months. It also sounds like she's establishing a solid connection with her counselor, so that's a positive as well.

On the negative side of things, my dad has power of attorney over her right now. So today, he want to the bank to close her checking account, which he had just cleared of $400 worth of overdrafts last week (although his counselor friend later said that was the wrong thing to do). Today, as he's closing the account, he discovers that she's run up another $600 in overdrafts. This is nearly impossible for her to do given where she's currently residing, so we suspect that her douchebag boyfriend has her ATM card and possibly credit cards.

I may need Starman to deliver some justice to Central Illinois later.

 

Q, I will echo many of what some have said, it will take her wanting to quit to actually quit.
I know, I've been down that road myself. Let's just say I used to weigh 100 pounds soaking wet and didn't sleep for days on end... For 5 years.
I broke that cycle about 5 years ago with the helping love of my wonderful wife and I've been sober ever since. I got my life together and am where I am today.
Still, I worry about all the "friends" I left behind, including my brother-in-law, and I still get scared that they will wind up on the news dead or in jail. I know that pain, but you have to be strong for them. Some day your sister may hit bottom, and then you and your family will hopefully be there to help save her when she is ready to stop and get help.
Good luck, I'm keeping hopes up for you and your sister.
PR

 

Q -

Get yourself - and your family - into an Al-Anon group as soon as you can. There are also other dependency support groups without the Higher Power component if that doesn't work for you. Check the Yellow Pages, or with an area hospital for referral numbers.

What most folks don't understand is the toll the addiction takes on the family. It is high, and sadly it is long. And to leave it untreated is to invite a series of collateral problems for everyone. This probably won't be the last time she goes into rehab. And you all have to prepare yourself for that.

Groups like Al-Anon will help you figure out how.

 

For the past 15 years, I've delt with a very close friend who has made many bad choices in her life because of alcohol and drugs.

It took me a long time, and an awkward run-in a couple of months ago, but it's safe to say that our friendship is over. She'll always be my sister but I don't have the time or the energy to get her to face her demons.

The final straw was when she threatened my other best friend's sister (they work together).

It took me a long time to realize that it's over. I heard from her brother not too long ago and apparently the family isn't speaking to her anymore either. She's just too out of control. She's watched her friend's lives spiral out of control, and one died of a heroin overdose.

Q, I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully your sister gets the help she needs and stays with it.

 

Just a quick update because so many people on this board have been so supportive.

My sister is in her second week of re-hab. I missed visitation the first week because I was supervising a baseball showcase, but I plan on going tomorrow.

My parents, however, did go to counseling last Saturday and then visitation on Sunday. When they saw her on Saturday, the topic of why she was in rehab came up and her reply was "You guys put me in here to break up with Joe (the cocaine-dealing boyfriend)." She seems to be finding ways around everything. For example, even though her cell phone is shut off she can call her cell phone and retrieve her messages. So the douche bag leaves messages for her and he still takes her collect calls.

According to the counselor, my sister is too fragile to be pushed on certain issues, including the boyfriend, so she's having a hard time achieving a breakthrough.

I'll report on what rehab is like tomorrow.

 

Looks like it's going to be a long road, Q. Stick with it. Best thoughts your way.

 

If your dad has power of attorney, he should immediately revoke all ATM cards and credit cards, and immediately report to the cops any attempts by the douchebag BF to dip into the till again. Vigorously press any criminal charges which may result.

If you know for sure the BF is into drugs, do what you can to roll him over for the cops. Your sister has plenty of problems of her own, but the boyfriend is one which can be dealt with. This doesn't all have to be done tomorrow morning, but it has to be done real soon. Impress upon the counselor the importance of removing Deuce Bhagg from the picture ASAP.

 

Al-Anon. AA.

Please go. The meetings are very helpful. Meeting other people before and talking with them after is much more helpful. Just spark up a chat using your first name. That's when you get real insightful and important tidbits as well as really meeting people in the same boat.

Best of luck.

 

Q, it doesn't matter what you think. What your parents think. If your sister wants to be with this guy, she will be with him. The more you push, the closer they will become. You have to let her sort this one on her own.
If she is in a good facility, she will soon look at her life clearly and made decisions. Pray that she makes decisions that are going to benefit her.

 

Seconded.