Balding

That'll be me in 11 years. I guarantee it.

 

I wish that were me, then I'd never shave. I can grow a beard at a stoplight.

 

Not me, dude. I look like a hobo after about three weeks of not shaving, simply because three parts of my face have never grown hair -- both sections of my cheek that line the top of my bottom jaw and the underneath my mouth.

All through college, people asked me when I was going to hit puberty. And when I told people I'd be down right after I shaved, everyone laughed and said, "Shave what?"

To this day, when people see a little facial hair, they say, "Aw, you're becoming a real boy."

 

Put me down for "can grow a beard at a stoplight," too. My playoff beard during the Ducks' run last year was a sight to behold, if I do say so myself.

 

What happened to the birds that were living in it?

 

I started growing pubes at the age of 8. Still can't grow a full beard at 26.

 

And now I know that.

 

It actually says that (about the front part of the head) on the can of Rogaine. It's only meant to work on on a very specific part.
Shave it off, deal with it, save money on shampoo and fuck chicks who like bald guys.

 

Buzz it anyway. Nothing worse than going bald and trying to deny it.

 

TMI, eh? Too bad.

 

The three MEs I've worked under were all bald, middle-aged men who despised me for having a lush, thick head of hair into my 30s.

 

I've been losing hair at a pretty steady pace for about 8-10 years. Used to have a mop top which I had to have cut every three weeks. Now I cut it short (a little more than a buzz cut) and slick it back for work. It's depressing, but at least I'm tall.

I've had a goatee off and on for about 15 years --Mrs. W has given up asking me to shave it. I don't grow a beard because it itches too much after a couple of weeks.

My brother is a few years older -- he is even worse off up top and he recently decided to do the white guy clean head thing. He looks like the fat guy on death row.