Bad snack

So, I run to Target to pick up a few things for the wife.

I stroll by the snack bar, and I catch a whiff of the pretzel-maker.

Not the packaged kind, but the hot, fresh, salt-em til you drop hot pretzels.

So.......I meander on up and ask young Sparky for a Pretzel with salt.

I get a response of "we don't carry those anymore".

My Mrs. Broflowsky-like response of "W-W-WHAT?!!?" did not amuse the child.

So, I instead opt for a cheddar-cheese-like version of a pretzel that when it came out of their warmer looked like it had been through some sort of cancer treatment at one point.

I ate said pretzel, and now feel as if someone beat a volleyball down my throat with a mallet, and it is now stuck in the middle of my esophagus.

This is not good.

 

Target doesn't carry the salted down giant pretzels anymore? Fuckabuncha!

 

Is the answer "Chef's severed toe"?

 

Cancer pretzels will get you every time.

 

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

 

Grabbing a knife is not the correct decision.

 

I have found that gargling with lye will clear a lodged pretzel nicely.

I believe that President Bush personally used this cure.

 

No.

 

Chef's "State Tournament Surprise"?

 

Your first mistake was strolling by the Target snack bar.

 

ding! ding! ding! We have a winner.