Apartment Living

Sounds vaguely similar to Lil Wayne's Mrs. Officer

 

Beat me to it, Ross. I need to go download that, actually.

 

The apartment my wife and I live in now is our first. We're on the bottom floor of a two-floor building. The guy above us when we first moved in was great, and he was from Virginia, too, so we got along great.

The couple now consists of some miserable white guy in his 40s, his big-chested Asian wife and their young daughter. They are the definition of weird. He's there most of the time, but never says a word and we never hear him walk around or anything, yet everything posted on his door from the past year is still on the door. The wife and kid are there for like six weeks at a time for some reason.

My wife says she can hear the Asian lady talking on the phone every now and then (when she's actually home). Other than that, we have no complaints. We rented the place without having ever seen it, but we were pleasantly surprised when we moved in.

I miss my house, but this ain't bad.

 

We're in a townhouse, not an apartment, but renting, so I feel like I can rant here. We have a shower that's dripping pretty steadily and called up the plumber to come fix it. But he won't - BECAUSE OUR LANDLORD HASN'T PAID HIM FOR THE LAST TWO JOBS HE'S DONE AT OUR PLACE. This is the same landlord that says every weekend he's coming to replace our shitty dryer that takes three cycles to dry anything. He's been saying this for a month and a half. No dryer yet. Maybe he'll just stop by.

Suffice to say, we will be moving when our lease is up.

 

One of my favorites.
Soundin like a cop car

 

Two words: Mowers. 8 a.m.

 

Two words: ear plugs.

 

Fortunately, our guys wait until at least 10 to bring out the mowers, trimmers, etc...

 

Had that problem at an apartment complex in South Carolina. Got lucky in every other way ... fairly normal neighbors, fairly quiet, fairly clean.

But those stupid mowers in the morning ... almost went out and bought a bag or two of sugar to shut them up.

 

Shit, I'm deaf anyway. Y'all know that.

It's not my ears I'm concerned about.

 

Avery.

I live next door to Avery, who is a toddler.

I've never actually seen Avery. Don't know if he's black or white, blonde or brunette, adorable or alien-headed.

But I hear Avery. And I hear Avery's mother. Every day, over and over I hear "No, Avery!" I can hear her from almost every room in my house, even when they're inside their house.

When mommy wants a break from Avery, which is often, she sends him outside. She likes to do this at 7:30 a.m. for some unknown reason. And so Avery yells and squeals and plays with his toy cars and babbles incoherently.

Normally wouldn't be a problem except these are townhouses, so Avery's patio is right under my bedroom window. And since we have no air conditioning, it's essential that we keep our windows open so the place can keep cool.

It's not enough that we hear Avery. Avery is apparently very sensitive. The few times we tried to use our patio past 11 p.m. this summer, we were subjected to shushing and "be quiet!!" threats from Avery's mother.

You're the one with the loud toddler, bitch, and you're shushing me? I don't think so.

 

This does work sometimes. I use Mack's, but if they're not put in right the ears get uncomfortable. Plus I freak sometimes wondering if I'll miss the smoke alarm or someone breaking in when I'm fast asleep.

But they're absolutely neccessary when someone is mowing the lawn at 8 a.m. or smashing aluminum cans on the driveway at 6:45 a.m.