Advice on dating a woman with kids?

My mom remarried when my sister and I were 11 and 9 (dad was around kinda sorta). My stepdad has been a great role model and wonderful husband (they are now on yr. 35).

I don't have much advice on the early part of courtship, follow IJAG. But for the post courtship time, I'd recommend that whether the father is in the picture or not, you do not just leap into "I'm your new father-mode". I look back and am so appreciative that my stepdad did not try to impose himself and his rules onto us, he just seemed to be a part of the family but left the disciplining and serious issues to my mom. Eventually, I came to respect him and his rules and I now consider him my true dad.

Good luck.

 

Patience is a key, too. You're dealing with her first and her problems, you and your stuff, and, if all goes well, the kids and their stuff. Plus the ex, and those complications.

There aren't any guarantees. I was with someone for nearly two years, lived together for one when (keeping a long story short) she decided to move out. She came by a year later to get a few knick-knacks that were still in the apartment, and also because her younger daughter had bugged her to visit me. Don't miss the woman. I still miss her kids, though.

 

Fuck her. Fuck her brains out. Suck her tits, squeeze her buns. You know she wants it.

 

Simple -- just be patient and don't force yourself into the lives of the kids. If she doesn't want you to meet them for a while, accept that and just focus on dating her and seeing if you can make that go. But in doing that, understand that kids are a part of her life -- and will be a big part of your life if you choose to go deeper -- so you must think in those terms with all of the decisions you make.

 

Doc, you're a pig.

Go to your room!

 

It's from Animal House, mom. It's the scene where Lawrence has a devil and angel on each shoulder.

 

Then post it on the Animal House thread.

 

Good for you, Ragu. I am surprised she paid you back, though.

 

Well said Ragu. Too many rules and regulations have been posted here. Just enjoy your time together and see where it leads. Once you start overthinking that's when it will go downhill. If you feel pressured tell her or if you're not sure if you'd be OK having kids who like you who aren't yours in your life get out. Otherwise play it by ear instead of overanalyzing.

 

IJAG nailed it and I echo everyone's sentiments. My sister and I were "the kids" after my parents divorced. My dad married three times, and my mom twice after they divorced each other.

The worse thing any divorced/widowed/single parent can do is to bring someone into the fold and have it backfire. When it came to my two stepdads, my sister and me looked at it in this light "that's not how dad would have done it, and we are not going to fall in line with what your family does, either.

When it came to my three stepmoms, they had the misfortunate of fighting for attention vs. my sister. Kid sister could whip all three of their asses. It was a pissing match for jealously and the three of them would rather have their kids bump the both of us out of the way.

The point is, if you rush a potential new partner into the mix, there will be plenty of resentment and hostility not only from the kids, but their relatives as well. My parents were guilty of trying to rush into a relationship out of complacement and to maintain a level of financial stability. Mom, thankfully learned that it was better for her sanity not to marry again, or even date. She would rather be a grandma to my niece than drive herself nuts again.

My old man will never learn. He divorced my mom when he was messing around (w/Stepmom #1); dumped #1 for #2, and then moved #2 into her own place while married to her, so he could move #3 into the house. It was a fucked up situation when I lived with him post-college.

My advice for single parents is this: take your time and do not rush when it comes to finding a partner. That partner must be willing to be considerate of your time and your life, and that person has to be willing to take on a role that, for most, have never ventured into.

You on the other hand, must not do it so that your kids can have a father (or mother) figure, or to maintain a financial level to keep what you have, or just to have someone there so that you don't feel like a loser. Don't be desperate to land someone. Take care of your kids, ask for help from family and friends when you need time for yourself.