A movie about a killer tire

Ace · Apr 25, 2011

Batman said:

Finally got around to watching this last night On Demand.
Holy shit, what a giant piece of rotten milk-infused elephant dung it was.
Easily one of the two worst movies I've ever seen, along with The Grudge.
At the beginning, there's the long speech about it being an homage to no reason that Smallpotatoes mentioned. By the end, when my wife was asking why I wanted to see this movie, that was the answer I had to give — no reason. I couldn't come up with a single one.
Now, as for why it sucked, there were plenty of reasons. And since I want to keep the good folks of SJ from going down the same path I walked — setting $6.99 on fire and flushing the ashes down the toilet — I'm going to provide plenty of spoilers here:

1) After the initial speech, the next 20 minutes is literally a tire rolling through the desert. That's it. It encounters a few things (a bottle, a rabbit, a bird) and blows them up, but all of that takes maybe a minute of the 20. The rest of the time? Tire rolling through the desert.
There are also long panoramic shots that drag on forever, interspersed at different points in the movie. Bottom line, it's just a boring time. I'd rather punch myself in the liver for 82 minutes straight than sit through this again.

2) They tried some sort of meta "movie within a movie" approach that did not work at all. There's a group of spectators watching the events of the film from a hillside. On its own, it might have been a fun intermission type thing. But out of 82 minutes of the movie, they spend about 30 with this group (and another 20 of the tire rolling through the desert) and they're an integral part of whatever the hell constitutes a plot.

3) Speaking of the plot ... ummm ... yeah. There is none. Not even a killer tire. They get so caught up in making a stupid movie about "no reason" that they dispense with any semblance of what could have been a fun little awful B-movie. When you constantly remind the audience that your movie is stupid, it's not entertaining. It's like saying, "Hey, thanks for that $7! Idiot."
That there wasn't an actual plot is probably the most disappointing thing about this flick. I didn't go in expecting Citizen Kane by any means, but the premise could've led to a really fun B-movie. There was even plenty of room for little winks to the audience that made it entertainingly bad. That's all I was hoping for. There's none of that here. Just a giant turd sandwich, all while being told you're an idiot for spending money to watch it and expecting anything remotely entertaining. I wasn't even confused by something that didn't make sense at the end. I was just pissed off.

4) Again, not that you'd expect the acting to be top-notch here, but there isn't one remotely decent performance in this movie. None of the characters are even likable, nor are they fleshed out enough to even know who they are, let alone care about. Halfway through the movie, the sheriff stops production and tells everyone they can stop work and go home because all of the spectators are dead and no one is watching the movie anymore.
If only I'd listened. "River Monsters" was new last night and it would've been time better spent. Jabbing a freshly sharpened pencil in my ear would've been time better spent.

5) Whoever edited that trailer together deserves a trailer-editing Oscar. I'd say 95 percent of the scenes in it are from the last 20 minutes of the film. If the trailer actually reflected what was in the movie, it'd be 28 seconds of a tire rolling through the desert, 1 second of heads exploding and 1 second of a tire watching TV.

I wanted to watch this movie. I wanted to like this movie. I gave it every chance in the world, just waiting for it to kick into gear. By the 30-minute mark, I could tell my wife was bored. By the 45-minute mark I was bored. At 59 minutes I checked to see how much time was left and would've turned it off if I hadn't paid to watch it and felt invested. By the time it was over, I felt totally ripped off.
After some discussion, we came to the conclusion that watching this movie all the way through was akin to having anal sex that ended up getting a little too aggressive. It seemed like something fun and different at the time. Then, somewhere along the way, things got a little too weird. We both ended up with a shared sense of shame and regret, quietly turned away from each other in the bed, and agreed to never speak of it again.
Click to expand...

Anal sex disapproves of the comparison, by the way.

sgreenwell · Apr 25, 2011

Ugh. Sounds more like the "funny" Epic Movie and Disaster Movie, i.e. "This is funny because we know how bad it is, ha ha!"

Double J · Apr 25, 2011

Batman just cost that tire a scholarship.

TheSportsPredictor · Mar 4, 2012

Thanks you SP for posting about this movie. I just spent the evening watching this with a couple of my dearest friends. It is absouletely one of the dumbest movies anyone could ever watch. But it is about a FUCKING KILLER TIRE, so that means the movie is completely awesome.

I am not going to critique the movie. What I've been able to decipher from Batman's review seems to sum it up. What do you expect from a movie about a killer tire?

It helps if you drink a bottle and a half of wine while watching this movie.

dooley_womack1 · Mar 4, 2012

SPOILER ALERT, PLEASE!

TheSportsPredictor · Mar 4, 2012

People's heads blow up and at the end the tire is reincarnated into a tricycle and collects a following of tires as it rolls from the desert into a more suburban area.

dooley_womack1 · Mar 4, 2012

It scored a 23 at Rotten Radials.

TheSportsPredictor · Mar 4, 2012

Don't be jealous about not being able to watch this movie.

Sam Mills 51 · Mar 5, 2012

Sounds like the premise needs to be re-tire-d.

Football_Bat · Mar 5, 2012

Batman said:

Football_Bat said:

The tire was saddened because Tony Romo wouldn't throw footballs through it in the offseason.
Click to expand...

The tire (it actually has a name in the credits -- "Bob the Tire") was down on his luck after his job as a Cialis spokesman ended. He tried to reinvent himself as a pitchman for Trojan, but they were looking for a different kind of rubber.
Click to expand...

11 months later, I saw the thread title and knew exactly what I wrote before. Some memes never die.

Brian · Mar 5, 2012

The book was way better.

Batman · Mar 5, 2012

Football_Bat said:

Batman said:

Football_Bat said:

The tire was saddened because Tony Romo wouldn't throw footballs through it in the offseason.
Click to expand...

The tire (it actually has a name in the credits -- "Bob the Tire") was down on his luck after his job as a Cialis spokesman ended. He tried to reinvent himself as a pitchman for Trojan, but they were looking for a different kind of rubber.
Click to expand...

11 months later, I saw the thread title and knew exactly what I wrote before. Some memes never die.
Click to expand...

11 months later, I still hate this movie with the white-hot fury of a thousand suns. The wife still is skeptical of my movie recommendations because of this piece of shit.

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A movie about a killer tire

Ace Well-Known Member

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A movie about a killer tire

Ace Well-Known Member

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Double J Active Member

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TheSportsPredictor Well-Known Member

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