A Dying Parent, Forgiving, Forgetting -- FINAL UPDATE

Throughout all of this... the illnesses (there were many), the situations (as described) and now his death, I have held up really well.

Until today, when I got to Arkansas to the funeral home. My parents' church has a "tradition" of taking pictures from throughout someone's life and putting them on display for the visitation. Maybe it's done everywhere, but I'm thankfully not a veteran of funerals.

When I walked in and I saw a picture circa 1978 before the health problems when he had just retired from the Navy and joined the local Sheriff's Office and he was 6-3, 260 (overweight, but stocky) and then I saw what the illnesses had done to him (he probably weighed 120)... I lost it...

Tomorrow (the funeral) is going to suck. But with family and friends, I'll get through.

 

Yeah, my Mom's wake was the toughest day for me too. Lot of adrenaline got me thru the funeral, but the wake was really the chance for the family to say goodbye.

Good luck tomorrow, you and your family are in my thoughts.

 

Matt,
A candle is lit for you, your dad and your mom. I'm trying to send some strength your way.

 

Matt: Best to you and yours. My sincere condolences on your loss.

God Bless.

 

Seconded. What works for you is all that matters.

Sorry to hear this news.

 

I have no sharp recollections of the time prior to the funeral mass. I vaguely remember going through finances and dealing with the crematory and cleaning out the vehicle and putting on a suit and telling the priest how we wanted things, but the rest of that is a week-long blackout, without the booze. I can remember no details.

It really is all adrenaline. And when the whole thing is over, you crash. Hard.

 

I only just found this thread, and want all of you who've shared here that your stories are deeply touching.

BYH, your post on page two made me sob, out loud. So moving.

Matt, you and your family are in my thoughts.

 

just read this thread for the first time. so sorry for your loss, matt. the stories shared here were among the most heartfelt i've read.

 

Thanks to everyone for their kind words and thoughts. As a family, we are getting through. Although other relatives have passed on, this was the first funeral for a relative I have attended (family spread all across the country and at least once, I was asked to stay back and take care of things at home so my Dad would be able to attend, etc.)

I was able to not be a blubbering mess for the most part. However, was a little hard to move the car to be the first in line behind the hearse and then hearing Taps (Dad was 22-years retired Navy)... it was pretty much impossible to not be.

Thanks again to everyone who shared their stories on this thread. I'm going to repeat something that was said earlier in the thread. Make sure the last things each time you say goodbye is that you truly care about them and that you love them.

 

Matt - My prayers are with you and your family. It sounds like you were able to make peace with your dad in your own way.

 

This. A longstanding tradition in my family is nobody walks out the door to get in a car without an "I Love You."

Some friends once tried to argue it cheapened the words to say them that often.

It absolutely does not.

 

Awesome.