79 reasons why it blows to be a pirate fan

Never said you were. I meant the "arrogant New York fan" thing.

 

Actually that was more directed toward Beef about "when are you going to trade us A-Rod"

And that arrogant NY thing is an act. I'm an arrogant Jerseyan!

 

Yeah, but they've won just as many World Series as the Mets since 1979.

 

you mean this thread isn't about Seton Hall?

 

True...a New Yorker would probably be offended if they heard me say that a person from New Jersey was a New Yorker. Because you know how special it is to be a New Yorker, right?

(arrogant fucks)

 

We're all Pirates fans in waiting, waiting to jump on the bandwagon again one day.

The last Pirates game I went to was a near-death experience only a Pittsburgher could love (and even then it's sketchy):

So, it's 2003 and I'm back home in Ohio in the middle of a cross-country move. I go to a game with my best friend from college and his crew. It's Easter weekend and we bring a grill, three cases, assorted meats and a table for drinking games. We don't make it into the game until the fifth. God knows who they were even playing.

The guy's who driving us is not only drunk, but resoundingly angry as his longtime girlfriend and he are on the outs. She's there too and she's pissing him off. So after the game, we try and wrest the keys from him, he's not biting. He's not fall-down drunk or anything, just real pissed. We all get in the car and he peels out of the parking lot. Driving straight and all, but let's just say we're worried.

He gets on the Smithfield Street bridge (I think) and he DOESN'T yield as he's flooring it. I'm legitimately scared at this point. We're en route to the South Side and he gets mixed up with the constant construction and pulls a U-ie. Well, a cop sees this and pulls us over. He's a government employee in another state so we figure he's pretty fucked.

He's cool with the cop and all, but any cop worth his badge would try and give him the breathalyzer. Instead the cop asks where we're going. The driver doesn't say, "home" or "to the children's hospital to visit cancer patients," no, he says, "South Side!" So the cop, seeing said driver is from out of state and rightly claiming the signs were confusing him, lets us go. The running joke all night is that in Pittsburgh, it's Ok to drink and drive as long you're going to the South Side afterward. "Oh yinz going South Side? Try Mah-rios."

Well we get to the strip, where we belatedly confisicate his keys, but now he can't find his ID. "Maybe I threw out the window after he pulled me over!" He explained. This made no sense. So we ended up at some dance club that didn't id any of us and we found his ID in the glove compartment the next morning. He's a helluva nice guy, just a nut when he drinks.

Now anytime I hang out with them, I always joke, "I'm only going out if X drives!"

Obviously this sounds horrendously dangerous, but it's always a funny story, and it always starts with, "So we went to a Pirates game..."

 

If you're having team problems I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 problems but the Bucs ain't one...

 

Ahhh, the South Side. In Heaven, it's the South Side street festival on E. Carson 24-7. Every night starts at the O, continues to Mah-rios and then ends drunkenly at Primanti's.

 

What do Jerseyans have to be arrogant about? World's largest parking lot? Most oil containers on the East Coast? The only thing Jersey can't claim is lighting up the Raritan River like Clevelanders.

 

How about --

80: Because you more than likely live in Pittsburgh.

 

Personally, I'd forgo Primanti's and head back to the O.

Best. French Fries. Ever.

 

One trip to the O is enough for me. I'm a feather or two shy of 165 pounds, so I'm not really built for all the grease that goes with those oh-so-fucking-good french fries.