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In 2007 I predict that Scotland will break away from the United Kingdom and that Novia Scotia will break away from Canada. Scotland and Nova Scotia will then form a new country to be known as Nova Scotland. Sean Connery will be head of state.

 

In 2007, I predict haiku done in morse code will be bigger than the Beatles, who are bigger than Jesus (not Muscatel).

 

And seals will become sacred.

 

Michael Vick will revolutionize bowling attire

 

In the year 2007, airlines will no longer allow passengers to wear clothing on commercial flights over 200 miles.

Disposal seat covers will be made available for $10, exact change is appreciated.

 

In the year 2007, Condolezza Rice will bring peace to the middle east by breakdancing her way into Hamas' heart.

 

So when you hit 200 mile mark do you stand up and take your clothes off?

 

I predict that in the year 2007 Britney Spears vagina will appear on a postage stamp in Thailand. The glue on the back will be crawfish flavored.

 

I am this close to vomiting.

 

In 2007 I predict one of the top human interest stories of the year will involve a young man from Missouri who began with a used CD of Nick Drake's Pink Moon and through a series of trades ended up with a new Porshe 911. The story ends in tragedy though as the young man crashes the new Porshe into an 18-wheeler delivering commodes to Home Depot.

 

In 2007 I predict that someone from the midwest will win $300 million in the Powerball during the summer and declare himself a candidate for president using the slogan "If Bush can be president then so can I" but this candidate will drop out of the race in January 2008 after realizing he spent the entire $200 million on himself, Christmas presents, and a New Year's Eve party for his frie