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17 words I absolutely, positively could have lived without hearing

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by BYH, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    So my mother-in-law is here. She's a wonderfully caring person and would take a bullet for us, but she lacks the filter from brain to mouth. (have fun with that, quote function dopes!)

    She and my wife just stopped at the corner deli for coffee and a snack. Apparently, the coffee is great, but this is the first time my mother-in-law has ever consumed their coffee.

    After sipping it, she goes "Oh my, this is amazing. This is orgasmic. If I could just remember what one felt like."

    Thanks, Ma. I'll be over here performing an impromptu lobotomy with this Phillips head screwdriver.
  2. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Where's Glenn Quagmire when you need him?
  3. TrooperBari

    TrooperBari Well-Known Member

    At least no one said, "I'll have what she's having."
  4. Ledbetter

    Ledbetter Active Member

    How did your wife react?

    If I ever heard my mom say orgasmic, I think I'd run away in horror.
  5. OTD

    OTD Well-Known Member

    Way back in the '80s, my wife and I had a waterbed. We were out to dinner with my in-laws one night when my father-in-law suddenly blurts: "You know, we're thinking of getting a waterbed. Is it true sex is better on a waterbed?"

    It was five minutes before I got the stunned look off my face and was able to order another drink.
  6. slappy4428

    slappy4428 Active Member

  7. BYH

    BYH Active Member

    She just rolled her eyes. She's used to her mom blurting silly shit.

    Now if it was MY mom--the conservative restrained lifelong practicing Catholic--who mentioned the word orgasm, I'd look out the window for the Four Horsemen. And then I'd kill myself.

    Edit: Twelve-and-a-half minutes before someone made the first ass-to-mouth reference in my quote. Very slow, Slappy. Very slow. :D
  8. Ace

    Ace Well-Known Member

    Should have said, "Well, Mrs. OTD isn't convinced, but the neighbors sure like it."
  9. Nothing's worse than seeing a tube of KY in your girlfriend's mom's grocery bag (she's pushing 60)...

    I almost vomited...
  10. Flash

    Flash Guest

    Hahahaha, my mom decided one day to have a sex talk with me. Except she wanted to share. I was in my 20s and was so not ready to hear, 'you know, I think I like it best on top.'
  11. KYSportsWriter

    KYSportsWriter Well-Known Member

    Giggity, giggity giggity! [/quagmire]
  12. 21

    21 Well-Known Member

    That's actually better than:

    '...but not nearly as good as the one I had this morning! Let me tell you, boy howdy! I think I left nail polish in the headboard! I mean, I was blind for an hour, and I'm saying at as someone who once looked into an eclipse! Is there any more decaf, dear?"
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