10 Most Annoying Things People Do on the Golf Course.

Depends if there's slow play in front of me, I guess.

 

Guy is out playing golf with his wife. Hits his tee shot into the rest room out at the halfway house. When he gets to it, his wife ask if he's going to take a drop. "Hell no," he said. "I can hit this out of here." He swings, the ball bounces off the door frame, off the back wall of the rest room and out the door where it hits his wife in the head. She's dead. Two weeks later, same guy is playing with a buddy. Same thing happens. Buddy asks if he's going to hit it out of there instead of taking a drop. "Hell no," the guy says. "Last time I tried that I made double bogey."

 

I keep my cell on vibrate when I play -- I don't get a ton of people calling me and if I need to handle a work emergency, I can just step away. I figure that as long as I'm not disturbing any other golfers, what difference does it make?

 

Guy staggers into an ER with a 5-iron wrapped around his head. Doctor asks, "How'd that happen?"

"Well," the guy responds, "I was out playing golf with my wife. She hit a ball into a cow pasture. As I was looking for it, I see this cow with a golf ball in its ass. I lift up the cow's tail and yell over to my wife, 'This looks like yours.' And that the last thing I remember."

 

Here's the cell phone policy at St. George's, one of the older and more expensive ($60,000 initiation fees) clubs in Toronto.

http://www.stgeorges.org/index.cfm?ID=1357

While at St. George’s all WCD’s are to be switched to silent mode as use of these devices must not detract from other member’s enjoyment of the golf course, the clubhouse or the property

Cell phones can be used for conversation in the parking lot, but not at the main entrance to the Clubhouse. With the exception of rooms that have been booked through the Club’s Catering Office for a private meeting cell phone use for conversation is prohibited in the Clubhouse. Cell phone use for conversation is also prohibited on the golf course.

While Email and text messaging functions (including the use of a cell phone for text messaging) may be used anywhere in the clubhouse or on the golf course, members and guests should be considerate of others and use their WCD with discretion.

But then, this is a course with a dress code longer than the Treaty of Utrecht.

http://www.stgeorges.org/index.cfm?ID=1340

 

Four old guys are on the tee, ready for play on a tee box beside the street. A funeral procession slowly rolls by, and one of the old men takes off his cap and places it over his heart.

"That was nice of you," one golfer said to him.

"It was the least I could do," he replied. "We were married almost 40 years."

 

If you need to take a cell phone out on a round of golf, you shouldn't be out playing golf.
Plumb-bobbing a triple-bogey putt. You shoot a snowman at any time on a golf course you are banned from playing like the US Open is on the line on any shot.

 

Man and a woman meet on the golf course, and in the course of the evening he finds out she used to date Tiger Woods.

They have sex, and after he finishes he gets up, reaches for a cigarette, and she says, "But Tiger always did it a second time."

So they go at it again, he finishes, gets up, reaches for a cigarette, and she says, "But Tiger always did it a THIRD time."

So they go at it again, he finishes, gets up, but instead of reaching for a cigarette he reaches for the phone.

"Who are you calling?" she asks.

"I'm calling Tiger Woods,'' he said. "I want to find out what par is on this hole."

 

Best one I've heard/read in a while.

 

Person who walks to the middle of the fairway, taking one club instead of three, and takes forever before figuring he has to walk back to his cart to get another club.

 

Yeah ... they've got uniforms and everything.