10,000 Favorite Quotes from The Simpsons

Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

 

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

 

Bart: Our forgotten veterans. Their guns are quiet now. Their helmets lost, or pawned. And yet here they are, making flags out of old clothes. Sure, they may not have the right number of stripes. And the colors are all wrong. And some purists will tell you the American flag doesn't contain the word "Jordache". But you know, if they run this up the flagpole, I'll salute. I'm Bart Simpson.
Lisa: Hmm, thank you Bart, for yet another touching "Bart's People". Now, turning to...
Bart: I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition.
Lisa: That's what Veteran's Day is for, Bart.
Bart: But is that really enough to honor our brave soldiers?
Lisa: Eh, heh, heh...they also have Memorial Day.
Bart: Oh, Lisa, maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong! The important thing is, veterans deserve a day to honor them!
Lisa: They have two!
Bart: Well maybe they should have three. I'm Bart Simpson.

 

"Twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!"
"Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!"
"Explain how!"
"Money can be exchanged for goods and services!"

 

Sideshow Bob: Because you need me, Springfield. Your guilty conscience may force you to vote Democratic, but deep down inside you secretly long for a cold-hearted Republican to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king. That's why I did this: to protect you from yourselves. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a city to run.
Judge: Bailiffs, place the mayor under arrest.
Sideshow Bob: What? Oh yes, all that stuff I did.

 

Bart upon seeing Apu enter his wedding on an elephant: "I wish I had an elephant."
Lisa: "You did. His name was Stampy. You loved him very much."
Bart: "Oh yeah."

 

Marge: Bart, stop pestering Satan!

 

From Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?

Smokin' Joe Frazier:
[reading off a teleprompter] Webster's dictionary defines excellence
as "the state or condition of being excellent." And now, the winner
of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding
Achievement in the Field of Excellence...



Herb: All a man needs is an idea.
Bum: Then how come you're still a bum?
Herb: Good point. A man needs two things: an idea, and money to get it off the ground.


Herb: [rolls a 3] Ventnor Avenue.
Lisa: And while on Ventnor Avenue, you'll be staying at the fabulous
Hotel Lisa. A valet will be around shortly to park your
thimble. Of course, there is the unpleasant matter of the
bill.
Herb: Get to the point.
Lisa: 1150 bones.

 

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Homer: "I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around the city, keeping its SPEED over fifty. And if its SPEED dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called...'The bus that couldn't slow down.'"

Bart: "You know, with the way you're treating me, why SHOULD I protect you?"
Jessica: "Because, if you tell, no one will believe you. Remember: I'm the sweet, perfect minister's daughter...and you're just yellow trash."

And from that treasure trove of quotes: "Homerpalooza."

Bart [sniffing]: "What is that smell?"
Lisa: "It smells like Otto's jacket."

Billy Corgan: "Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins."
Homer: "Homer Simpson, smiling politely."

Tour manager: "Homer, nothing's more important to me than the health and well-being of my freaks. I'm sending you to a vet."

Burns [chuckles]: "And to think, Smithers: you laughed when I bought TicketMaster. 'Nobody's going to pay a 100% service charge.'"
Smithers: "Well, it's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich and the ignorant, sir."

Homer: "I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

Homer: "Die? Well, you don't scare me, doc, 'cause dying would be a stone groove. Got any messages for Jimi Hendrix?"
Vet: "Yes. Pick up your puppy!"

Peter Frampton: "Do you feel?" [realizes his wah wah isn't working] DO YOU FEEL??!"

 

I'm Dirk Legume,

You might remember me from such threads as "whats for dinner"?, and "Whitlocks top 25".

BYH,

Saw the Bigger Brother episode tonight on the west coast...dunno if it's too late for you or not.

And my contribution...I had to give mine today and this popped into my head

Burns: "My social security number? Naught naught naught...naught naught...naught naught naught one, damn you FDR"

 

Oh and maybe the funniest one of all (at least right now): "Homer Phobia."

Homer: That John is the greatest guy in the world. We've gotta have him and his wife over for drinks sometime.
Marge: Hmm, I don't think he's married, Homer.
Homer: Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there's lots of foxy ladies out there.
Marge: Homer, didn't John seem a little... festive to you?
Homer: Couldn't agree more. Happy as a clam.
Marge: [insisting] He prefers the company of men!
Homer: Who doesn't?
Marge: Homer, listen carefully. John is a ho - mo...
Homer: Right.
Marge: ... sexual.
Homer: [pause] Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!