You're in charge: What does the next Star Wars movie look like?

Written and directed by Rob Zombie

 

Just how many franchises can dash the sequel hopes of one man? Guess Billy Dee will have to go back to Colt .45 malt liquor commercials.

 

"Alright, listen up, Wookies. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety light years. Average ship speed over uneven ground barring injuries is 4 light years. That gives us a radius of six light years. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every fueling station, launchpad, spaceport, fortress, henhouse, outhouse and droidhouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen light years Your fugitive's name is Dr. Chew Bacca. Go get him."

 

I agree about Hamil in an Obi Wan type role. Ford will be there for something small. I'd bet money that Leia has been killed off. It would add to the storyline and would prevent the new director from making an awkward phone call.

"Yeah, Carrie... 30 years of drug use have not been kind to you..."

 

They have to either recast the roles of Han, Luke and Leia and do the Timothy Zahn trilogy (which is some of the best work in the LARGE expanded universe.) Or, they need to go way into the past so none of these characters are mentionable, to far into the future you have to much to explain about their kids and the events that had happened over the last 100 years. Better yet, they just won't make the movie.

Alas, Disney will probably write a completely new script and erase all of the canon (books that Lucas has said were officially part of the universe) that's spanned from the six films.

 

I'd bet just about anything that they don't recast those roles. That's a major recipe for disaster. They need some familiarity, and that may come with the droids and possibly a wookie.

 

Darth likes spicey chicken.

 

There is a comics storyline that is set about 75 or so years after the original movies. It is a pretty interesting. Basically, it revolves around Luke's great grandson, Cade, who gave up being jedi after watching his father and the rest of the Jedi get killed in battle. The remnants of the Empire, the Republic and a New Sith order pretty duke it out over the remains of a war-torn galaxy.

My only beef with the story is the art. Cade is drawn like a refugee from a 1980s new wave band.

 

I'd hire Michael Bay to direct it and ask him if he could fuck this up worse than he did the Transformers.

 

Something like the first Sex and the City movie.

 

I like the idea of it ending with a scene of the protagonist riding along beach and finding a large statue of the Emperor buried halfway in the sand and yelling "my god, my god, you bastards blew it up. You blew up the Death Star."

 

Cade? A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away ... names sucked.