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You're in charge: What does the next Star Wars movie look like?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by MisterCreosote, Oct 31, 2012.

  1. Zeke12

    Zeke12 Guest

    All Jar-Jar. All the time.

    With a lot of holding like Double Down held me by the lake on Naboo.
     
  2. three_bags_full

    three_bags_full Well-Known Member

    If I'm in charge, they don't make it. All however-many-there-are-now suck.
     
  3. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    Mila Kunis would go down on Natalie Portman.
     
  4. Zeke12

    Zeke12 Guest

    Intrigued. Ideas. Newsletter. Etc.
     
  5. TigerVols

    TigerVols Well-Known Member

    Artistically? I'd call up Christopher Nolan and say, "Blank check's in the mail. See you on May 3, 2015."

    Realistically? I'd call up Brad Bird and say, "I need you to do that Pixar magic, only make sure to gear it towards 10-year-old boys and their dads...and make it a blend of live-action and animation. Pluck the heartstrings like you did with The Iron Giant, and excite me like you did in MI: Ghost Protocol."
     
  6. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    First I'd hire Tyler Perry to produce, write, direct and star.
     
  7. Armchair_QB

    Armchair_QB Well-Known Member

    Both wearing Leia metal bikinis.
     
  8. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    I'd insist that Act I and II include an image in the background of scenes that looked suspiciously like George Lucas sodomizing a stormtrooper.
    I'd also insist that a scene in Act III include an image of someone who looks suspiciously like George Lucas getting killed.

    I'd hire Rush to compose and play the theme music, but I would add vocals to the opening score. The lyrics would mock the audience for being a pack of rubes and dunces.
     
  9. Armchair_QB

    Armchair_QB Well-Known Member

    Will dolphins be involved?
     
  10. Buck

    Buck Well-Known Member

    We could throw some dolphins in there, a la Douglas Adams.

    Luke and Leia indulge their forbidden love, running away to West Vriginia.
     
  11. Bubbler

    Bubbler Well-Known Member

    Buddy picture ... with the spirits of the deceased Jedi and Sith and more!

    I can see the trailer now (this is Disney) ...

    "In a universe gone mad, no one was madder than Darth Vader ...

    (cue Imperial March + choke scene from Star Wars)

    "... no one more valiant than Obi-Wan Kenobi ...

    (cue Star Wars Theme + "Use the force, Luke")

    "... both gave their lives for their causes. But their Jedi spirits live on ...

    " ... stuck in an apartment together!"

    (cue James Brown's I Feel Good ... "Wow! I feel good! ...")

    "Turns out the force was more than either Jedi bargained for! The force has sentenced these ancient warriors to an eternal afterlife stuck in the same apartment! Together! Disney presents Star Wars VII: Roomies!"

    "Darth and Obi-Wan have a long history together ... and it appears ... quite a future! You'll laugh as anal-retentive Obi-Wan recoils in horror as Darth lets himself go in the afterlife!"

    Obi-Wan: Darth! You left the toilet seat up again! You micturate with all of the deft touch of a Jawa!
    Darth: You left me to die in a heaving pit of lava and I have to wear this helmet forever ... even in the afterlife. Granted, the ladies LOVE it, but you're complaining about a little bit of tinkle? Lighten up, dude!
    Obi-Wan: Is that what you called it on the dark side? Tinkle? Wooo! I'm scared! You're so tough! Can't you be man enough to put the seat up?
    Darth: I'm man enough to slay you on the Death Star! Eternal scoreboard! (Belch ...)
    Obi-Wan: Whatever Anakin. I let you do it.
    Darth: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT! The ladies dig Darth!

    And they're not alone in their eternal abode. Obi-Wan and Darth have a butler! It's the little ewok killed on the Forest Moon of Endor! And he's got attitude!

    Meet Stinky!

    Obi-Wan:
    Stinky, what gives? I told you to clean up the bathroom!
    Stinky: (Farts loudly)
    Obi-Wan: Aww! MAN! Ewok farts are THE WORST!

    (Stinky then farts the Ewok song ... laugh track)

    Living forever is no paradise!

    Obi-Wan: (Sigh) Luke is calling me again. Says he's having woman troubles. He's still conflicted by his feelings for Leia. "The force is telling me, my incestuous feelings are wrong" ... blah, blah, blah. Same old, same old. (Laugh track) Should I answer?
    Darth: What do I care?
    Obi-Wan: He's your kid. Why don't you be a father to him for once?
    Darth: WHY DON'T YOU LET ME ACT LIKE A FATHER FOR ONCE! WHY DOES HE ALWAYS CALL YOU!

    (Storms out of room as mournful strings play)

    Is there hope for this Jedi Odd Couple? No way! Not until an old friend brings them together and gives these galactic goofballs a new hope.

    Yoda: Dying, I am.
    Obi-Wan: Master Yoda! You can't die! You're already dead!
    Yoda: You understand not the ways of the FORCE! I understood not the ways of whores on Dagobah. Try? I did not. Do or do not. There is no try. I did. I did many. I did it all.
    Sith syphilis, I have. Die, I will. Function, Yoda's balls do not. Insane fever dreams, Yoda does have. Sand people and Jar-Jar Binks orgy, Yoda does hallucinate.
    Darth: I will turn to the dark side to save you, Yoda! Say the word!
    Yoda: Turn not, Anakin.
    Darth: THAT'S DARTH!
    Yoda: Turn not! Dying wish it is to see Obi-Wan and Darth use the power of the force together! For greater good! Great together, you once were, great together you can be again!

    (Obi-Wan and Darth look at each other and have an epiphany. Both grin.)

    Darth and Obi-Wan: We will!

    See Star Wars VII: Roomies in 2015!

    Stinky: (Farts again)

    Fade to black.
     
  12. Armchair_QB

    Armchair_QB Well-Known Member

    We're going to need banjos for that.
     
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