Your top esoteric achievements.

Could be worse. My senior year, I was part of a 4x50 meter freestyle relay team that set the school record in the preliminaries of the county meet. The next day, I was replaced on the team for the finals and the other four guys crushed the old record by about two seconds. I didn't even get to see my name on the big records board hanging over the pool.
I'm still kind of bitter about it.

 

My freshman year of high school, I was one of 3 freshman on our varsity speech and debate team. I was the only freshman in five years to do foreign extemporaneous speaking. I also did public speaking and poetry. The other two were a duet team. The entire varsity team was 30 people.

I also won our marcher of the year award that same year for marching band. My sophomore year, I sight-read my symphonic band (our top group) audition and was the only sophomore selected for the honor.

My sophomore year of college, I transferred and auditioned for a band scholarship at my new school. I was offered more than the section leader, and the director was known for giving scholarship amounts based on talent, not available money, often going to the booster organization for more money because he over budgeted himself. I was a trumpet prodigy. I turned down the scholarship and haven't hardly played since. I went into this damn business instead.

 

As a ninth-grader, I hit the game-winning FTs against our rival during summer basketball camp in front of a packed house on a D1 college court. I also got posterized the day before from a kid I believe went on to play D1 ball. Two-handed dunk along the baseline. Awesome.

Placed in five of seven events at the JV county track meet. (shot, discus, 4x100, LJ, TJ)

Got a fingertip on a punt in the end zone as a sophomore on the varsity team against our rivals. My first play of the night.

God, I suck. I'm gonna go watch real athletes compete now.

 

Hence Dooley's biggest esoteric moment

 

It was a simple case of T-ball.

 

Not, you know, that there's anything wrong with that ...

 

Outling Alert:

Faithless is Les Nessman

 

In high school I once drank 28 cans of beer and sang all of American Pie without messing up the lyrics.

 

Good musical choice ... enough pauses to get the vomiting done during those breaks.

 

That's not something you do when you're drunk. That's something you do when you're coked out.

I'd hate to think how much weed I'd have to smoke to do that.