Your "I'm Old" Moment

One of the perks of getting old is the sweet young things.

They smile at you. In shops and bars, they go out of their way to wait on you and engage in conversation. For a while it was very gratifying. Until I mentioned to Mrs. Ink-Stained that she had some younger competition.

She simply smiled. "The hotties smile at you, you old fart, because they know you're harmless."

Reality bites.

 

How about this, in an AP story announcing that Sean Connery is bailing on Indiana Jones 4 (Four-Quel alert!) I realized that Harrison Ford is now older than Connery was in Last Crusade.

 

When I woke up sore after playing in a slow-pitch softball game the night before. And I play 1B.

 

The young guy that just started in the news room wasn't born when the Milwaukee Brewers were in the World Series.

This is also a "Brewers have really sucked" moment...

 

Just back from the 30th high school reunion. They actually have one big alumni day with all classes. So I'm talking with some classmates and one of them, looking at another group nearby, says to us, "(Hot) woman over there, black dress, black purse, pink drink, I think might I know her from somewhere." Female classmate, who works at the school, says, "She's Class of '97." Everyone laughs. And you can visually see what all of us are thinking, like those popup quote-things in comic books: [/i]Young enough to be your daughter, pervert![/i]

Best-looking woman, over-40 division, says to me, throwing me completely off-balance, "You have good skin, you don't look as old as you are." First thought is I guess that zit I popped yesterday has gone away. So I say, "Senior Skip Day, when I passed out, you were one of the people who dragged me out of the sun, so you probably spared me from a life of dried-out skin." She laughed way longer than necessary, and I surmise she might have been hitting the sauce maybe before the cash bar opened, maybe every day since Senior Skip Day 1977.

 

Right now. Right now I feel pretty damn old.

 

Yeah, you're ancient.

 

Nah I'm just feeling it tonight.

 

My "I'm young" moment comes when Frank tells me he graduated high school when I was 14 months old.

 

One of mine was when people I went to high school with started having grandchildren. The girl who was my sister's maid of honor has one that's about 8 now.

Realizing that all the kids I covered my first year in the business -- including those who were in junior high -- are now in their 30s.

 

My high school diploma turned 21 this week.

I celebrated by drinking heavily in its honor.

 

Hey, three more years and you'll be double legal!