You Won't Believe What Happened in Orlando Next ...

Gah. Really? Why isn't Florida just red-tagged and closed?

 

Once, when my older daughter was about three (and my son was only a couple of months old), we were down Charleston way and were driving around with some friends in one of the developments at Kiawah (one of MommaQuant's architecture classmates had/has a pretty thriving practice there). We came up on a pond that would be surrounded by several lots (undeveloped at that point) and out in the middle of it was floating a moderately sized (about 10-foot) alligator. We got out and stared at it awhile, and then I decided to do a "Hey, y'all, watch this!" thing. When feeling threatened juvenile alligators will make a distress call (below) that adults will swim toward. My friend used that to lure in those alligators he either wanted to catch or kill. Anyway, for giggles I decided to see if I could call in this gator. So I had everyone stand well back, then made my way to about five feet from the water's edge. The moment I started that alligator, which had been just lolling around out there, turned and made a beeline my way. I immediately stopped (and it stopped) and looked around to see what everyone else was doing. Backing the fuck away would be an understatement.

 

Because it's really nice in April. If you survive.

 

Wow, doc. You may be the first person ever to survive after uttering, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"

 

Only because he didn't precede it with "Hold my beer."

 

My ex, who is an absolute Disney fanatic to the point of blowing off other responsibilities to go to Disney, said there is supposed to beno swimming in the lake and that signs are posted everywhere.

 

This reminds me of the beginning of Bill Bryson's In an Sunburned Country. He lists all of the deadly animals and other things in Australia and asks why anybody would live there.*

*My memory may be wildly off.

 

Because then people would have to go to California.

 

I told my wife that I was a bit surprised that the parents didn't hear the ""Tick! Tick! Tick!" of the clock and whisk the child to safety.

She said, "That's a crocodile, dumb shit, these were alligators."

 

I've never stayed at Grand Floridian (I work in newspapers damnit), but I've stayed at Wilderness Lodge and Fort Wilderness (which have beaches on 7 Seas Lagoon) and they clearly have signs posted warning visitors to not only not go swimming, but also not enter the lakes. I'll have to dig up the picture of the one at Fort Wilderness, because it specifically says the water is toxic (obviously worded differently, but same thing).

One of the most popular Disney podcasts always closes with the expression "Stay out of the damn lakes." I'm pretty sure he's got a rant lined up for his next podcast.

And you can probably say goodbye to Disney's "beaches" now. Even though it's the first gator attack in 20 years on Disney property (which is pretty good track record considering it was built on swamp land), the national attention will cause Disney to make some major changes.

 

If anyone is curious, the toddler's body was found.

 

Yeah, but Orange County will refuse to release the body.