You know you're a lowlife when...

you break into a little girl's room and steal money from her piggy bank.

http://www.jsonline.com/watch/?watch=1&date=1/4/2008&id=33765

 

Funk dat. What's a 2-year-old going to do with $20?

I'll bet a 30-year-old could use it more.

 

A lowlife who, if convicted, could spend 9 1/2 years in prison.

 

should have to serve every day. breaking into an occupied house at night is serious. lucky he didn't get shot. dirtbag.

 

got my Cat Scratch Fever eight-track
My best friend's in a gun rack
I'm a lowlife
I owe everybody money
I think racist jokes are funny
I'm a lowlife
I got a dirty mind, a gutter mouth
I'm makin' time, I'm goin' out
With your wife

Cuz I'm a lowlife
I'm a lowlife

I got kids I never seen
And their momma's seventeen
I'm a lowlife
I take strippers out to breakfast
You can add that to my checklist
I'm a lowlife
Ahh the landlord called the rent is due
I spent it all on a Kiss tattoo
I Rock n Roll all night

Cuz I'm a lowlife
I'm a lowlife
I'm a lowlife
Livin' the highlife

I'm watchin' porno on the TV
Wonderin' why she'd ever leave me
I'm a lowlife
The object of my affection
Asked the police for protection
I'm a lowlife
The romance is gone, I'm doin' fine
Me and your mom had a real good time
Just last night

Cuz I'm a lowlife
I'm a lowlife

I make black music for the white man
Keep cocaine upon my nightstand
I'm a lowlife
Ain't never hung out in the Catskills
But I've been to jail in Nashville
I'm a lowlife
I've got a dirty mind, a gutter mouth
I'm makin' time, I'm goin' out
With your wife

I'm a lowlife
I'm a lowlife
I'm a lowlife
Livin' the highlife

 

I think it's great the PD used DNA evidence to solve this crime.

I'm also glad it didn't turn into a sexual assault.

 

I just did it the other day. To MY six year old.
My wife, unbeknownst to me, orders an antipasto salad from this new pizza joint.
Cool. I have a $20. Nope. Not going to do it. And because my wife didn't order with a credit card, the Human Pimple at my doorstep wasn't budging.
$27! With tip!!!
Upstairs. Sticking the finger up the Piggy Bank's ass trying to wiggle out some $1 bills without breaking the goddamn thing. Jingling the little bastard so the paper money goes to the bottom. I felt dirty.
So, yep. I've done it. And I still owe her eight bucks.

 

Ya beat me to it. I was just going to look up the lyrics and post a YouTube link
John Eddie wrote it and released it first, but Kid Rock just released his version of it.
Here's a live John Eddie performance:

 

That's great. You just better hope she doesn't learn how to call the cops.

 

My mom used to tell me: I gave you life, I can snuff you out at anytime.
Different times, I guess.
I felt awful over seven bucks.

 

Luv John Eddie. Didn't even know Kid Rock did a version til I looked for the lyrics. JE's version is much better, though the song does fit Kid Rock.

I will be seeing John Eddie next week when he once again rolls through Cleveland. Always puts on a great show, usually to only about 20 people.