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Yo Oedipus!

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by HeinekenMan, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. HeinekenMan

    HeinekenMan Active Member

    Could I borrow your hot pokers to stab mine eyes out?

    My brother-in-law and the sister of my wife's best friend are sitting on my kitchen counter top. They are discussing something. I can't begin to make any sense of it. All I want to do is go to bed, but there's a small congregation of Harry Potter fans preparing to storm the castle.

    Wow. I finally heard something that rang a bell. They're now talking about Clue, the movie. They might have been talking about anime earlier. They are also listening to ring tones. The last thing I heard was, "I had the Star Wars theme song on my cell phone." Now begins a thrilling story about how five to eight guys who were playing a video game heard the ring tone and immediately fell into a trance. Apparently, these are MIDI ring tones. I can listen to actual audio from No Rain on my cell phone. After listening to them for about five minutes, I played it for them. I got no response whatsoever.

    Suddenly, I remember why I usually drink a six pack when my wife's friends or family visit.

    I'll update until they leave, which should be fairly soon.
  2. HeinekenMan

    HeinekenMan Active Member

    I just told them that Bush signed an order banning torture. I received no response. I told the story about the faux menstruating interrogator at Guantanamo Bay who wiped a tampon coated with ketchup on a prisoner's face.

    They just stared at me as if I had said, "Hey, there are goat testicles in my freezer."
  3. lono

    lono Active Member

    My mother-in-law arrived today. Think I'll try that one on for size.
  4. Songbird

    Songbird Well-Known Member

    Watch this for a bit

  5. dargan

    dargan Active Member

    That's hilarious, but is that what married life ends up being like?
  6. HeinekenMan

    HeinekenMan Active Member

    Well, we'll consider this the world's shortest live blog. They're gone. Forever, I hope.

    I am feeling old. These people are younger, and they are forever talking about things to which I can't relate. For example, there was a discussion of the old G.I. Joe cartoons and just how cool they were. I think I was 17 or so when those were on. I was more concerned with G.I. Jane's hand jobs than G.I. Joe's hand grenades at that point. My brother-in-law, who is 27, mentions Transformers almost every time I see him as if it's supposed to spark some thrilling memories. But I'm almost 34. Transformers came out in 1984. I was 12. He was 5. My memories are of a few Transformers being the last children's toys I owned. I don't think he has the slightest clue how old I am.

    But whatever. They're all nice enough people. It's just one of the few times that my verbose nature is all for nothing. I like sports. They like video games. I like Democrats. They still think George W. Bush is leading the country toward some great tomorrow.

    I hope you've enjoyed my pointless wandering. It's time for bed. Thanks for reading.
  7. dargan

    dargan Active Member

    Compelling, and rich...
  8. HeinekenMan

    HeinekenMan Active Member

    Dargan, I hate to spoil your wonderful Friday evening. But that's pretty much what life ends up being, yes. At least, that's been my experience. It's not the marriage part so much as the tendency for life-long friends to grow apart. I made a decision two years ago to leave my sleepy hometown and head to greener pastures.

    It was the right move for my family and my career. But I left a few dear friends behind. These are the people who drive 60 miles in the snow to pick you up when your car doesn't start. I know people here. Some are great people, guys you could trust with your life. But it's not the same when you can't talk about the time you shaved off Josh Krapper's eyebrows because he wouldn't shut up. You can be a part of their lives in a moment, in a night of reckless liquor-swilling and tell-tale swapping. But they're not part of your life every day. That's how I think of the guys I grew up with, the guys who told us their righteous tales of glory after poking around in girls' underpants at age 18, the guys who slurped their first beers with me that same summer, the guys who poured tears on graduation night.

    I guess those people are gone. Fortunately, I married the greatest girl in the world. But we have different personal interests, and the people she calls friends have nothing in common with me, just the way that my friends were shocked to hear that she hadn't been drunk, etc.

    Anyway, my son is explaining that he has been "waiting and waiting and waiting for you." He wants me to help him open the packaging on his new Robin toy so that he and Robin and Batman can hit the hay. He's worth all of the sacrifice. Now I need to get the scissors and tear into this thing.
  9. writing irish

    writing irish Active Member

    I thought the first post was going to be some thing like, "What's going on, muthafucka?"
  10. HeinekenMan

    HeinekenMan Active Member

    You almost made me shoot diet dew out my nostrils.
  11. dargan

    dargan Active Member

    Interesting stuff. I'm from a small town in the South, and although I'm only 23, I'm one of the few of our bunch who is not married/engaged. We've all had a tight-knit group since about the 2nd grade.

    We still try to get together and do stuff a lot, but I can already tell it won't last too long.
  12. outofplace

    outofplace Well-Known Member

    Wow...I'm 35 and I would have been into those conversations about G.I. Joe and Transformers. I'm not sure I even want to know wha tthat says about me lol
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