Yes, this means YOU.

Football_Bat · Mar 15, 2007

writing irish said:

I once spanked it at work. Granted, it was 20 years ago, meaning that I was 18 years old. I was an elevator operator at an old hotel in California. (cue Gypsy Kings version of Hotel California from The Big Lebowski...)

It was the overnight shift and I was bored and yes, horny, as 18-year-old guys who have been looking at hot California babes all day can be. So, I stopped the elevator between floors and worked off a quick one, again, as 18-year-olds can and will do. I shot into the filthy void of the elevator shaft...it was a manual door, so I just opened the door while I was stopped between floors and spewed into the empty space between the elevator and the wall. I quickly went to a restroom and washed up, so I didn't do the rest of my shift with a jizzy right hand. Even as a teenaged horndog, I was fairly hygienic. I remember feeling a minor sense of victory that I had been paid to spank it, even though it was just minimum wage.
Click to expand...

Entirely too much information here.

Although I would suggest a mash-up of "Love In An Elevator" and "The Stroke" as background music.

writing irish · Mar 15, 2007

I won't contest the charge of too much information. But, as a couple of decades have passed, I feel distant enough from the event in question so that I don't mind inflicting it upon the board. Since manual elevators are an anachronism these days, I feel there's something almost charming in this semi-archaic setting for on-the-clock pud-pounding. Almost, but not really.

Birdscribe · Mar 15, 2007

Freelance Hack said:

Bud Light presents "Real Men of Genius" Real Men of Genius

Today, we salute YOU, Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbator! Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbator!

Maybe it was that hot little minx in purchasing or the new receptionist with the tight sweater and short skirt
Or maybe you just figured now was the best time to give a squirt can't wait no longerrrrrr

Forced from your cubicle, you seek the only refuge you can find -- a public restroom I'm maaaaastering my domaiiiiiiin

Self-gratification never felt so right [/i]oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh[/i] Or so wrong excuse me Mr. Templeton

But keep at it! If something's going to get whacked today, it might as well come from your hands! Buddy, can you hand me a towel?

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbator! If Rosie Palm is going to take dictation, she's going to need a drink in hand first! Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbaaaator
Click to expand...

JD or the other swinging Richards in this sandbox, PLEASE put this somewhere it can be readily accessed for Post. Of. The. Year. consideration.

I can barely type this, I'm laughing so hard. Well done, FH. This is why I voted for you.

Huggy · Mar 15, 2007

writing irish said:

I shot into the filthy void of the elevator shaft...
Click to expand...

This sounds like a line that didn't make it into a Mickey Spillane novel.

girl friday · Mar 15, 2007

Freelance Hack said:

Bud Light presents "Real Men of Genius" Real Men of Genius

Today, we salute YOU, Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbator! Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbator!

Maybe it was that hot little minx in purchasing or the new receptionist with the tight sweater and short skirt
Or maybe you just figured now was the best time to give a squirt can't wait no longerrrrrr

Forced from your cubicle, you seek the only refuge you can find -- a public restroom I'm maaaaastering my domaiiiiiiin

Self-gratification never felt so right [/i]oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh[/i] Or so wrong excuse me Mr. Templeton

But keep at it! If something's going to get whacked today, it might as well come from your hands! Buddy, can you hand me a towel?

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbator! If Rosie Palm is going to take dictation, she's going to need a drink in hand first! Mr. Office Bathroom Masturbaaaator
Click to expand...

wowser. that is an amazing feat. hee-larry-us.

Write-brained · Mar 16, 2007

Very good FH. Had me laughing out loud.

dooley_womack1 · Mar 16, 2007

FH deserves a hand.

Write-brained · Mar 16, 2007

dooley_womack1 said:

FH deserves a hand.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but not THAT one ...

patchs · Mar 16, 2007

writing irish said:

I once spanked it at work. Granted, it was 20 years ago, meaning that I was 18 years old. I was an elevator operator at an old hotel in California. (cue Gypsy Kings version of Hotel California from The Big Lebowski...)

It was the overnight shift and I was bored and yes, horny, as 18-year-old guys who have been looking at hot California babes all day can be. So, I stopped the elevator between floors and worked off a quick one, again, as 18-year-olds can and will do. I shot into the filthy void of the elevator shaft...it was a manual door, so I just opened the door while I was stopped between floors and spewed into the empty space between the elevator and the wall. I quickly went to a restroom and washed up, so I didn't do the rest of my shift with a jizzy right hand. Even as a teenaged horndog, I was fairly hygienic. I remember feeling a minor sense of victory that I had been paid to spank it, even though it was just minimum wage.
Click to expand...

He was masterbating!!

Sxysprtswrtr · Mar 16, 2007

It\'s so much easier for you guys to do this at work.

I\'d be more impressed if that Craigslist ad were from a woman about another woman. NOW that IS talent!

BYH · Mar 16, 2007

writing irish said:

I once spanked it at work. Granted, it was 20 years ago, meaning that I was 18 years old. I was an elevator operator at an old hotel in California. (cue Gypsy Kings version of Hotel California from The Big Lebowski...)

It was the overnight shift and I was bored and yes, horny, as 18-year-old guys who have been looking at hot California babes all day can be. So, I stopped the elevator between floors and worked off a quick one, again, as 18-year-olds can and will do. I shot into the filthy void of the elevator shaft...it was a manual door, so I just opened the door while I was stopped between floors and spewed into the empty space between the elevator and the wall. I quickly went to a restroom and washed up, so I didn't do the rest of my shift with a jizzy right hand. Even as a teenaged horndog, I was fairly hygienic. I remember feeling a minor sense of victory that I had been paid to spank it, even though it was just minimum wage.
Click to expand...

Why does this remind me of the scene in Clerks where the guys are talking about blowing themselves?

WRITING IRISH FRIEND: Come on. Haven't you ever tried to jerk off at work?

WRITING IRISH: No!

WRITING IRISH FRIEND: Yeah sure. You're so repressed.

WRITING IRISH: Because I never tried to jerk off at work?

WRITING IRISH FRIEND: No, because you won't admit to it. As if a guy's a fucking pervert because he tries to jerk off at work. You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it.

***interlude***

WRITING IRISH: I could never finish.

WRITING IRISH FRIEND: Never what?

WRITING IRISH: You know.

WRITING IRISH FRIEND: What, jerking off at work?

WRITING IRISH: Yeah. Like you said, you know. I guess everyone tries it, sooner or later.

WRITING IRISH FRIEND: I never tried it. Fucking pervert.

Wonderlic · Mar 16, 2007

Suburban Philly Craig's List, Round 2:

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/rnr/290369887.html

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