Yard Sales

After the last yard sale I had I figured I'd be better off spending eight hours donating plasma...

 

Bring it here. We're having one in two weeks and what you don't see won't bother you.

 

Chipped bowl is a dime.

Bowlegged woman: "I'll give you a nickel for this."
Me: "It's a dime. You can't pay a dime?"
Ms. 6Toe: "We'll take a nickel."

Fucking fuckers. I put out a plastic bowl for a dime or a 6-year old shirt for a dollar and you want to FUCKING HAGGLE WITH ME over a nickel or four bits?

The Zubaz pants do sound nice. A Benjamin should cover two or three patterns for you.

 

I had to look into those pants. I remember those from the late 1980s. I always thought they looked ridiculous. I'm going to buy a few T-shirts. Tight ones to show off the big muscles I have developed.

 

Mrs. Novelist is a schmoozer, and she'll engage anyone who walks up in converstation, at least when we have yard sales. They usually are compelled to buy something. Me, I can't stand the whole yard sale culture.

 

I've got Dolphins Zubaz pants. If the wife ever gets rid of those, we're history.

 

I love yard sales. I think I want to have one now. I'll talk to my roommate.

 

now even you are admitting that you suck and your stuff sucks.

 

Why don't just donate your crap to Goodwill, write a nice little tax write off and be done with it? Anything decent you can put on EBay. You'll definately make more money and get rid of everything a lot faster.

 

Yard sales are a plastic road sign big as a cheap real estate poster exposing a garmin road map of your past few years. I'd rather pay 75 bucks an hour to a shrink than have diseased freaks paw over my life and haggle my haggard ass down twenty five cents over a scratched Jefferson Starship album. If I ever invited a yard sale I guarantee it would be haunted and full halloween treats including roach and flea-infested pillows and lamps just so I could add context to my happy goodbye waves. "Mouse droppings in the Magic Chef Coffee Maker ?" How could that have happened ?

 

Oh, good God. :

You're getting rid of it, not breaking up with it.

 

I've got an extra Dan Marino jersey if you really need to finish off the look.