Yard Sales

Adrian is having a yard sale today. I'm not enthused. It's actually coming to an end. There have been lots of old guys, including one wearing a Subway Series hat. We've sold some stuff. Some people come and look and then leave without even saying a word. I find it offensive. It's as if they're saying that we suck and our stuff sucks. If I ever end up at a yard sale, I'll remember that feeling of dejection and buy something. I mean, what's 25 cents? Buy a book. If you don't like it, burn it for heat.

I think our big score today is about $100. It hardly seems worth the work. After all, I woke up at 4 a.m. to the sound of the alarm clock and again at 6:30 when Adrian suggested that I go outside and move a table or have my man parts rearranged. It was my choice.

Probably the worst part is that I have nothing to sell. The yard is littered with toys and children's clothing. I didn't realize how much I've neglected myself. I just always think of the kids and Adrian first, I guess. I sacrifice. I knew this, but I didn't quite understand how pathetic I am until Adrian mentioned that we might do this again next week and that we had more stuff in the house.

A guy asked me what all I had to sell, I couldn't think of shit. I have boxes and boxes of baseball cards and an iMac that doesn't work. I have a USB floppy disk drive. My guess is that anyone younger that 15 won't even know what it is. I bought a used laptop three years ago for $500. I bought an exercise bike for $100 last fall and a weight bench and weights last winter for about $100. Other than that, I can't think of anything I've bought in quite some time.

To hell with the kids, I'm going shopping with our $100.

 

I absolutely love the fact you call her Adrian. That's all.

 

Buy yourself some Zubaz pants.

You seem like a Zubaz type of guy.

 

If I go to a yard sale and don't see anything I want, I'm not buying something just to make you happy.

 

Pretty soon, the only things we can afford are what we find at yard sales.

 

me either. and i don't talk to the fuckers if all they have is a bunch of shit.

 

Yeah, put your good shit out there next time, then we'll talk.

 

I need to have a yard sale, but I'm too lazy. Plus I don't want people I don't know touching my soon-to-be-ex stuff.

 

Did you sell your SportsJournalists.com thong?

 

Best dime I ever spent.

 

And the really wealthy can go to Wal-Mart.

Had one yard sale about 20 years ago and came out with around $1000.

 

We finished the day with a whopping $145. We still have tons of crap.