Writing non-religious column in the Bible Belt

If you survive the first column/screed (professionally, not physically), make sure to write about how NASCAR sucks in the next go-around. Nothing would stand between you and a Pulitzer!

 

Why do you guys think weddings are only for religious people? Do you think your little magic bearded fairy makes you better than me and my justice of the peace down on the beach? And I suppose you have to be religious too, or else you're just a big alcoholic who can't enjoy himself without the "demon rum" that your kind like to scare little children about.

You probably think that since you're religious that turd in the punchbowl wouldn't even stink. Well I'm here to tell you, YOUR SHIT STINKS! IT STINKS JUST LIKE MY ATHEIST SHIT!

Signed,
newspaperman

 

Huh?

Signed,
jlee

 

I think religion is a crock of shit. I lecture my friends and parents on how illegitimate the idea of faith is from time to time -- albeit always in a jocular manner.

I would never, EVER, EVER let those sentiments become attached to my name in a way that would show up in any kind of Google search.

That's a potential career-ender. Sadly, I'm not kidding.

 

These are all jokes, guys. Cool down. Believe me, I'm way too smart to write in a Bible Belt newspaper, "your religion is the equivalent of Wesley Snipes' career." Or something of that nature.

But on a serious note, I would like to write a column addressing issues surrounding our community — where a liquor store, crack salesman and a church are on every corner in low-income neighborhoods. It seems like the clergy's answer to fix the overwhelming poverty is to keep taking money from those you can least afford it. Get my point behind the column now, folks?

 

I don't think it's a matter of anyone not getting why you WANT to write it. I think we're all just wondering why you even came to this board for advice if you have no intention of following any of it?

 

Versatile, I never said I made my mind up about writing it.

 

Well, you have a damn-near unanimous consensus from the people of SportsJournalists.com. Take it or leave it.

 

Good luck with your next career

 

Which in and of itself is a miracle and, therefore, proof of God's existence.

 

LongTimeListen, I have to admit that was hilarious! Not convincing, but funny as shit.

 

Your point behind your column is that you're better than everyone.