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Writers' Workshop (2008 and Beyond, now with Updated Updates)

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by jgmacg, Mar 27, 2006.

  1. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Winter Term)

    Winter term now underway. Keep 'em coming.
  2. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Spring Session)

    Please remember to start each story you'd like to workshop on a separate thread. Thanks for posting.
  3. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Spring Session)

    Here's a further reminder for those visiting the workshop. Especially those of you stopping by for the first time.

    Even if you haven't posted yourself, take the time to read down through the various threads. We've had some very good pieces lately, and some fairly constructive advice offered in response to it.

    Reading down through the line edits and suggestions of others can help clarify your thinking about your own work, even when you're not addressing a specific problem of your own.

    All writing is rewriting, as we know, and learning how to read and edit our own work is one of the biggest challenges any writer faces. Auditing these threads, even without posting comments, can be a valuable part of becoming your own best editor.

    Keep 'em coming.
  4. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

  5. andykent

    andykent Member

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Spring Session, with Updates)

    Just wanted to run this lede by some of you to get your opinion on whether or not it comes across as confusing:

    "Not too many Olympic gold medalists will say they haven't yet reached their potential – at least not with a straight face."
  6. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Spring Session, with Updates)

    Not confusing. Although the "Not too many..." construction strikes me as needlessly wordy. Perhaps "Few" is a better, crisper choice. And I'm not sure "will say" is right. I'd be inclined to the future/conditional "would say." The em-dash is a stylebook question. It has a little more punch with a full stop and then "At least not with a straight face." as a standalone sentence. Just a thought. Thanks for stopping by.
  7. andykent

    andykent Member

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Spring Session, with Updates)

    Appreciate the feedback. I'd like to follow up via PM if I may, so here it comes.
  8. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Summer Session, with Updates)

    We welcome you to the SportsJournalists.com Writers' Workshop Summer Session 2007. As always, please post new stories on individual new threads. No halter tops, thongs or blender drinks allowed in the cafeteria. Other than that, bring it.
  9. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Autumn 2007, now with Updated Updates)

    A quick apology here for those stories I haven't been able to get to in the Autumn rush. Between the football season and the back-to-school stampede, we usually get very busy here in the Fall. I'll try to get to as many stories as I can, but please don't be disappointed if a piece you've posted hangs idle for a while.

    Which reminds me, the best way to get a reading here is to give a reading here, so plunge in yourself and offer your polite constructive analysis to others. It's a terrific way to better your editorial skills on your own behalf. Better readers = better writers.

    Also, feel free to PM me your work, but know that the same stipulation for slow turnaround holds.

    And if you haven't yet done so, please take a look at the SportsJournalists.com novel on the adjacent threads.

    As always, thanks for posting with us.
  10. jgmacg

    jgmacg Guest

    Re: Writers' Workshop (Winter 2008, now with Updated Updates)

    Ditto the above for Winter. Keep posting. Keep reading.

    As ever, our thanks for sharing your work.
  11. randomhero423

    randomhero423 Member

    my latest article. any tips or suggestions? i've never taken a journalism course in my life so bear with me. lol

    Heading into the final day of the Slam Dunk Tournament and the 3rd place game, the Iona Prep Gaels arrived shorthanded. Senior guard Andre Pope sat out because of a quad contusion. (He’ll miss one week.) For most teams, an injury to a star player would rattle their confidence and alter their game plan. But for the Gaels, the injury had minimal effect because of the play of usual reserves Jeffrey Mack and Kyle Douglas. They gracefully filled in for Pope, leading the Gaels past the White Plains Tigers, 72-49, and placing the Gaels 3rd in the Slam Dunk Tournament.

    Iona Prep head coach Vic Quirolo and his coaching staff weren’t as confident heading into the game as usual, mainly because of their heartbreaking defeat two nights ago.

    “Originally, coaches were concerned the kids looked a little lifeless. [The team] was really hurting from the loss,” recounts coach Quirolo. “I wasn’t sure how [the team] was going to respond. It was a tough loss, but with the way they responded, it showed a lot of character.”

    It was clear from the get-go, however, that junior guard Jeffrey Mack was ready to emerge as their leader.

    “Despite [Andre Pope’s] injury I know I have to come on and be a leader for this team,” stated Mack, who was inserted into the starting lineup for the first time this season. “I had to run the point. I don’t have to force the issue, I only have to play under control and distribute the ball.”

    Mack put his words into action. He immediately set the tone by blazing by a White Plains’ defender, hitting a floater in the lane for the game’s first basket. He then used his outstanding athleticism to disrupt the Tigers’ offense, causing two consecutive turnovers that triggered an Iona 8-0 run to start the game.

    “It’s tremendous. The pressure Jeff puts on the ball stems a lead, [which enables] other guys to stretch out. It initiates the whole defense,” answered Quirolo to the question of Mack’s importance to the team’s juggernaut defense. “[He’s] a big spark for us.”

    Mack’s stunning speed and remarkable court vision also translated offensively. Throughout the game, he consistently found his teammates on the fast break, for back-door screens, and on kick-outs. He also took care of the ball, something he typically struggles with, turning the ball over only once, which was a tournament-low for him.

    Although his stats are not extraordinary, 8 points, 4 assists and 2 steals, he had a profound impact on the game.

    “[Mack] was pretty tough: very physical, moved his feet well. He is a solid strong kid,” compliments White Plains head coach Spencer Mayfeld. “He does a lot for them. He’s an unsung hero he can really contain the basketball and channel it to where it has to go.”

    Senior Kyle Douglas, who unlike Mack, does not play major minutes in Quriolo’s usual 7-8 man rotation, also provided the Gaels a significant spark. He was Mack’s main recipient of the back-door screens, tying a Gaels-high 6 points in the first half.

    “[Kyle Douglas] doesn’t always get a lot of playing time. But tonight he came off the bench and scored points for us and played solid defense,” asserts Quirolo. “He was a solid contributor tonight.”

    The senior’s leadership on defense was also evident. His constant communication on defense, enabling his teammates to switch fluidly, paid major dividends for the Gaels. Despite shooting 40% from the field, White Plains turned the ball over 20 times in the first half, while completing only 4 assists. That 5-1 ratio was the integral reason why they trailed 35-21 – three of the Gaels’ starters registered at least 2 steals for the half.

    The Gaels then breezed to a 7-3 run to open the 3rd quarter, disabling any thought of a Tigers comeback.

    The Gaels’ usual cast of characters, Jordan Bronner, Sandro Carissimo, and Brian Voelkel, played their usual stellar performances. Bronner scored 11 points and snatched 3 steals; Carissimo scored 10 points, grabbed 4 rebounds, and registered 3 steals, and Voelkel scored 10 points, captured 6 rebounds, and provided an excellent interior presence. Starting center Matthew Lyde also scored a team high 12 points.

    White Plains was led sorely by senior big man Darrell Ward, who scored a game high 20 points on 8-13 shooting, while grabbing 7 rebounds and blocking 3 shots.

    Awaiting Iona Prep? A home game against CHSAA “A” opponent Nazareth on Saturday at 3:00pm and one of coach Quirolo’s infamous video sessions, in which he will depict the team’s inefficiencies in both their loss to Peekskill two days ago and in their 23-point victory last night.
  12. bostonrules88

    bostonrules88 New Member

    Not the most interesting topic in the world. But hey, I'm an intern, so I'll take the bylines I can get. This is about a local man going to the World Horseshoe Pitching Championships. Please, save your yawns, I'm fully aware of how that sounds haha. I'd love some feedback though.

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