Would you consider becoming a nudist?

Where would I put my car keys?

 

The first few paragraphs from "Naked," by David Sedaris, the titular story in his best work. I love Sedaris; he makes it look so easy.

It is disconcerting to talk to someone on the phone and know that he is naked. Every now and then I might call a friend who says, ‘You caught me on my way to the shower,” but that’s different. The man at the nudist colony sounded as though he had been naked for years. Even his voice was tanned.
“All right, then, have you ever visited us before? No? Well, you’re in for a real treat. We’ve got a heated pool, a sauna, Jacuzzi, and a fully stocked pond for fishing.”
I tried to imagine what one’s ass might look like having spent several hours pressed against an overturned log, but the mental picture was too brutal and I forced it out of my mind.

 

Depends on the size of your key chain, no?

 

Those appear to require modifications I refuse to make.

 

Hey, it takes a big man to admit he's Small Potatoes.

 

I was a nude model for a University of Iowa MFA III class for a month or so. Good times.

 

I'd need bigger.

 

That's not what she says.

 

Hey, do you happen to recall how last year's World Series came out? I seem to have forgotten.

 

Younger. Members.

Heh.

 

Lemme think about this for a minuteHELL FUCKING NO.

 

Definitely not.