Worst Roommate story ever

Drinking with friends in college was always an eye-opening experience.
Crying drunks.
Clingy Drunks
Violent drunks.
Funny Drunks.

Learned real quick who could handle their alcohol and who could not.

 

I was an RA for a year and a half. It was fine and since I was paying for college myself, the free room and board helped.

My second year, there was this freshman who threw trash in the hallway. I have no idea why he did. I don't recall the particulars how I knew, but I knew it was him.

I got back from class one day, and more trash in the hall. Including a half full French's mustard jar. I knocked on his door. Nobody there. I went in (master key), and dumped the rest of the mustard on his pillow, and left the jar there. I don't recall any more trash in the hall for the rest of the year.

 

I have nothing that compares to anything here, but once had a roommate who, about about 15 beers, said he could run through the bathroom door. We egged him on, “No way!” So he got down in a football stance, surged forward and, BAM!, right through the door. What he didn’t take into account was the toilet on the other side. Hit his head and knocked himself out.

We all stood there, peering through the fresh hole in the door (which stayed liked that for at least a months, so you can imagine girls weren’t all that thrilled to come over for parties) and then went back to drinking for the next few hours before we all passed out. Guess he came to eventually because he came out of his room around noon the next day.

This is before cell phone cameras, which is a damn shame.

 

Drunk antics are a whole other category.
We had a guy we nicknamed Spiderman for reasons you can probably guess. One time, before a football game, we were hanging out in the dorm and four or five of us went to take piss before we left for the game. The dorm was shaped like a blocky U. The common bathroom and the room everyone was in were in one corner. It was so close that a few of us in the bathroom were talking through the window to the people in the room maybe 8 feet away.
We were on the third floor.
I noted that you could almost jump from the bathroom to the room window, and Spiderman took it as a challenge. Before anyone could talk him out of it he was in the bathroom window and jumped to the room window. He made it to the ledge, but one of the bigger guys in the room had to grab him and pull him in before he lost his balance and plummeted to his drunken, idiotic death.

 

I remember a TV in the pool.
I remember a red smoke bomb in a hallway that turned everything pink. My white T-shirt under my jacket -- pink. All of the walls in the hallway -- pink. The culprits, however, fessed up to the prank and they repainted the hallway.

 

I once had a set of neighbors in my dorm who were grade-A assholes. Loud, dickish lunk heads. My roommate and I put up with it but barely.

It's important to note that my dorm arrangements were in the corner of a tower. We were at the end of a hall that had three rooms, the bathroom then a 90 degree turn and three more rooms that included us. I point that out because one night the room got inundated with marijuana smoke. It was so bad I thought it was coming from our neighbors' room. Called the RA and said I think someone is smoking pot. Thought the neighbors would get a taking to but the cops were called. I had gone to the bathroom when the cops showed up so my roommate had to explain what was up. Turns out it wasn't the neighbors. And by this time the guys who were responsible put everything out.

The neighbors understandably were pissed. The largest of the lunks started kicking the walls all night. I later apologized to them (that sucked). I learned later that one of the rooms at the beginning of the hallway were the assholes and the draft patterns of the area meant what they put out wafted our way.

 

We had a guy who was nicknamed "T. Rex" because he acted like a dinosaur when he got drunk.

We had a guy nicknamed "Beaker" because he looked like him.

The floor pisser was originally nicknamed "Beebo" but became "Peebo" after the incident.

And no, this wasn't at Pitt. Pitt came after I fucked up at this school (shocker that I couldn't focus on classes with all of this going on).

 

My college roommate snored.

 

Is this the guy?

 

My roommate was Little Bud, the Human Beer Keg. He started stacking empty beer cans on the wall of our apartment, from the kitchen down the side of the dining room. Floor to ceiling, three layers deep before I finally bitched him into taking it down.

We worked retail and working on Saturdays was a must, so we missed a lot of college football. NFL games were our big thing, because the stores were closed on Sunday, but Birmingham had Blue Laws then, no alcohol sales on Sundays. We'd go out on Saturday night and buy a case, case and a half. I'd get up on Sunday and there would be maybe a sixpack left. "Fuck, Bud, there's no beer for the games!" "Well, I was up for a while after you crashed..."

So off we'd go, either to find a shothouse, a bootlegger, or to try to find someone who would sell him beer on Sunday. I just sat in the car after a while, because I knew the drill, and besides, *I* didn't drink up all the beer. He'd go in the quick mart, get a twelve pack and head to the register, and I'd watch the whole thing happen in pantomime. The guy on the counter would be shaking his head, saying he couldn't sell beer on Sunday. Bud would throw his head back and stagger around like he'd been gut shot, while proclaiming his desperate need for football beer. He'd tell the guy that he wasn't from the Alcohol Control Board, and take out his work ID and show it to him. Guy's still shaking his head. Bud throws a $20 at him, tucks the twelvepack under his arm, and sprints to the car and drives away fast.

Yeah. Like that. He never peed in my bedroom though.

Then there were the alcohol related traffic stops... hoo boy.

 

Not to interrupt the tangent, but this story is an incredible read.
Would really love to see it made into a movie, have a feeling it'll end up an episode of SVU or something.

Back to the tangent, I had great experiences w/all my roommates. Freshman year kid was a goofy jock from Colorado and we got along. Soph year was a steroid-riddled rich kid from Greenwich who was a borderline lunatic but we got together fine because I leveled him out. Last two years I lived off campus, all the guys I lived with were groomsmen in my wedding.
The only bad roommate I had was my college girlfriend. I left a job at a terrific paper to live with her, figuring she was the one. In a year we realized we probably weren't meant for each other. She was 24 going on 50 and I was trying to enjoy life as much as I could, which involved lots of booze and friends coming over after bar nights and a couple times our kitchen floor got peed on by one of my buddies.
Hmm, maybe I was the bad roommate there?

 

This thread is bringing back all sorts of memories.

First-year dorm, the kid in the room next to mine, Shawn, was a bit of a nutter. Totally quiet and mild-mannered, unless he drank. Then he was an animal.

My school was in a little town that was home to a pretty infamous Hells Angels clubhouse. (Five bikers were murdered there one night in a purge.) It was this foreboding compound with a tall fence and security cameras all around it. At the bottom of the driveway, there was a big metal sign that read: HELLS ANGELS, complete with the Death's Head logo on it. The sign also read PRIVE, the French word for Private.

One night I stagger back to my dorm, and that fucking sign is in Shawn's window. He'd gotten drunk and stolen a sign from the Hells Angels. And then put it on open display. In the window next to mine.

I was sure I was going to end up a casualty of whatever fucking war some first-year university kid had just kicked off with the Hells Angels. I can't remember now how the story ended—I think we convinced Shawn that he was perhaps making a mistake—but I just Googled him, and he's a liability trader for a major Canadian bank.

I don't know what that means, but frankly, I'm a little surprised he's still alive. He was nuts.