Worst Fast Food Joint Around

Line of the day.

 

Are there still Arthur Treacher's fish and chips places?

Aside from the Whopper, I don't find much to like at Burger King. Their fries are awful, and their fish and chicken aren't good. Neither are the burger variations aside from the Whopper.

 

Now for real. Without question, McDonald's.

This piece of crap fast food joint has sold like 100 billion burgers or something stupid and they taste like total shit. McDonald's imports their beef from Mexico. That's right, Mexican beef. I wonder what they feed their cows over there. On second thought, I don't want to know.

Similarly, what the hell is a Filet-O-Fish?? Or that Whaler thing??? Do they still sell that shit? Who goes to a burger joint to get a fish sandwich with tartar sauce. Damn that's nasty. Smells like it came out of Lake Hudson too.

Then there is the piece of shit spicy chicken sandwiches. Wendy's kicks ass. McDonalds ought to have its ass kicked for making such a piece of shit sandwich. Tastes like cardboard on bread with mayonaise and 4-day old heated shreaded lettuce.

They also offer the wonderful chicken nuggets. It's the only thing I can eat there and they are always one of two extremes. You either get the greasy, fatty, chewy, undercooked nugget of diarhea or you get the dried out, crusty, burned, crunchy, overcooked, dark brown nugget of constipation. So prepare to run for the toilet after you eat this shit or prepare to sit on the toilet and try to shit out a concrete block.

Finally you got the McRib. What the hell is this shit? It's a slab of supposedly pork rib meat. It looks and tastes like canned Potted Meat or SPAM except they dress it up with a freaking pickle and some onions. This shit will have your stomach doing crazy 8s in a matter of minutes. Oh and the grease is so bad on these things that the bread is freaking more wet than the damn sandwich itself.

The fries are the only good thing McDiarhea's has to offer. The only reason they stay open is that damn Happy Meal that they con parents into buying their kid for the stupid 10-cent toy.

Next time you're hungry and you see a McDonalds, I don't care if its 3 a.m. and you are two hours from the next stop, just keep on driving. It's the shittiest food ever produced by fast food. I haven't eaten at a McDonald's in a decade or more.

 

I agree across the board. McDonalds is awful.

 

I've lived in and out of the Midwest. I'm in again at this point. And the one thing I've learned -- for the umpteenth time -- is to NEVER eat Taco Johns. Heed this warning, unless you like cold, limp, soggy psuedo-mexican dogshit.

 

Remember back in the day when Subway cut its bread differently? They did a triangle in the loaf instead of straight across. There was one place I'd go all the time in college that would still do that.

I'd seriously pay an extra two bucks if I found a place now that did that. Forget that toasted crap, which is awful. Give me a triangle cut.

 

The best Mexican fast food was Zantigo's, until Taco Bell bought it and killed off the brand name.

 

This. Post. Rules. Cracked my shit up.

My vote is easily Taco Hell. It is so far (knocking on all kinds of wood) the only place to give me food poisoning. I guess I didn't have it all that bad--everything was coming out the back end, instead of the front, and I'll take that any time--but it knocked me on my ass for a week the summer after I graduated HS. After being tired of not being able to hold anything down, I went to the doc. He asked me if I'd eaten any fast food recently. Taco Bell, I said. Ding ding ding.

My second vote would go to Sbarro (I guess that falls under pizza). Used to love the place because we'd eat there every time we went to the big mall (lay off me, I grew up in Bumfuck), but then I went to a college that had a Sbarros in the cafeteria. Let me tell you: That shit got old REAL quick. The pizza was messy (seriously, have you ever had a piece of Sbarros pizza in which the cheese DIDN'T slide off?) and greasy as all gitout and the "pasta" was fucking disgusting. So were the stories spreading around campus about kids who upchucked for days after eating that fucking garbage.

White Castle grosses me out. I wouldn't eat it for fear of food poisoning. I had it once on my final day at a job...my co-worker, who ate it damn near every meal and mocked me for not liking the WC, dared me to eat it. I ate a burger and left the office in triumphant fashion.

I always have a soft spot for Arby's--there used to be one in the Hartford Civic Center and we'd get to go eat there before a concert or Whalers game--but every time I eat it, I'm convinced I'll be doubled over in agony within an hour. Doesn't usually happen, but those roast beef sandwiches just don't taste all that, you know, cooked, and stuff.

The most amusing fast food experience I ever had was at a rest stop in Missouri at about 5 am the morning after my best friend's wedding. We'd stopped there to switch drivers and one of my stupid buddies, who'd been drinking since about 9 am the previous morning, decided he was hungry and that it'd be a good idea to get one of the burgers that'd been under the hot lamp for God only knows how long.

"Dude that's not a good idea," we all said. "Ohhh no its good and I'm soooo hungry," he said. Well, sure enough, half an hour later he's moaning about how his stomach hurts. Half an hour after that and he's curled up in the fetal position in the back seat he's sharing with two other guys and begging us to pull over so he can shit out bricks. Dope.

 

Good call, Bubbler, on Jimmy John's kicking ass, although they do pile lots of lettuce on their sandwiches to make them feel heavier. Cheap bastards.

 

I went to a Jimmy John's in Champaign, Ill. at 2 a.m. once on a road trip. Befitting someone who hadn't eaten since mid-afternoon because of a game, I was hungry as fuck, but when I bit into the sandwich, the lettuce tasted a bit off.

A quick flip of my dome light in the Bubblermobile revealed that the hue of the lettuce was somewhere between the 1979 San Diego Padres' road uniforms and Skyline Chili-fueled excrement from Snuffalapagus.

I tossed that shit out my window on I-74 fast enough to make your head spin. I have a feeling that fetid lettuce still exists as a thatched roof for a woebegone prairie dog next to those brainless-ass Burma Shave-style gun nut signs that dot I-74 in Illinois.

Moral of the story ... I no longer get lettuce at Jimmy John's.

 

I love Arby's, but I'm pretty sure I got some bad beef there once. I was trapped on the toilet, and puking into bathtub, and nothing could make either thing stop.

Horrible, horrible night.

 

On a traipse through the South last year I loved Steak and Shake.