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Worst date stories

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Evil ... Thy name is Orville Redenbacher!!, Feb 14, 2010.

  1. jojoblack

    jojoblack Active Member

    Sophomore year in college.
    Finally get a date with a honey I've been trying to hook up with for months. She's cooking us dinner at her apartment. I'm starved but it's going to be a while before the food is ready.
    In the meantime, I'm pounding the beer and wine she keeps offering me. She breaks out some weed. (I think I'm falling in love her!) We both smoke a few joints which she informs me are laced with hash. I had never done hash before but did not share that info.
    I find myself feeling pretty wasted/queasy and retreat to the bathroom to get myself together. No sooner do I close the door before I began power vomiting everywhere except in the toilet. As I sat on the side of the tub I couldn't make up my mind which was more likely to happen: actually being able to clean up the devastation without her finding out or a friend somehow cruising overhead in the Enterprise and beaming me up out of there.
    After about 15 minutes, I called her to the bathroom. I have never to this day seen such a look of disgust. She begans cussing in English and throws in some Spanish for good measure. The bottom line was she wanted me out of her apartment.
    I was in no shape to drive. She called her on-again-off-again boyfriend -- a bitter rival -- over to follow her as she drove me home in my car.
    Don't feel sorry for me. I rallied from that humiliation to marry this woman four years later.
    We divorced two years after that. I got my swagger back, though.
     
  2. qtlaw

    qtlaw Well-Known Member

    First year in law school, I go to dim sum with my mom and her friend, I figure I'll just be a good son for a change and let my mom show me off. Her friend brings her daughter, who is quite beautiful, uh but she was only 19. I'm only 24 so I think no biggie. I get her number and call her for a date.

    Date rolls around to a nice restaurant in SF and I have a cocktail but then realize she's only 19. We go to a movie and then it hits me, "what are we going to do now?" I don't want to be presumptuous and bring her to my apartment. And I realize no bar, no dance club (its the 90's and warehouse clubs were in).

    I take her home and get home to make the start of SNL. I realize then that getting home from a date before the start of SNL was never a good thing.
     
  3. Unibomber

    Unibomber Member

    Luckily I was just the wingman on this date, but damn I wish I never got my buddy into it.
    My wife's HS friend -- good looking and smart -- and my pal, who was premed at the time and is now a doctor, are being set up by us.
    No plans beyond dinner as we wanted to let them decide the night's course.
    No sooner had we picked her up for dinner did she start saying how she wanted to go to the coliseum where there was a big country line-dancing event/lesson night. NO CHANCE I wanted anything to do with this shit, but since he is smitten, he reluctantly agrees.
    I sit in the stands and watch this poor sap Boot-Scoot for like an hour with this chick. So we get back in the car and start heading to the bars. On the way she mentions she just recently had surgery on her sinuses and nasal cavity and goes into great detail describing the procedure and the kind of stuff that was draining from her nasal cavity for a week after -- classy.
    After several rounds at a crappy bar that was so awful it had a pole in the middle of the dance floor and a sexy fox cartoon painted on said floor (i.e. this was once a strip club for sure), I hand the wife the keys and order her to take us all home.
    They never had a second date, he still claims it wasn't that awful to this day, but I remind Mrs. Uni of her fabulous set-up all the time, and will never forget his goofy ass Boot Scootin.
     
  4. Baron Scicluna

    Baron Scicluna Well-Known Member

    Junior year of college.

    I had met the future Mrs. Scicluna a couple of months earlier. We had fooled around for about a couple of weeks, but at the time, she had a long-distance boyfriend. She was pretty conflicted about the whole thing, and I tired pretty quickly of her calling him on the phone, so I basically gave her a him or me ultimatum. When she couldn't decide, I decided for her and ended the relationship, if you could call it that.

    Couple of months later, she breaks up with the guy and tells me that she wants to be with me. So for a week, we begin to see each other again. On the Friday night, we go out to a club, have a good time and end up back in her room. That's when I find out that another guy that she had met online (and this was early Internet days) was coming to see her the next day for a date.

    So, needless to say, I'm a little pissed off. She reassures me that she's wants to be with me and that they had planned the date before we had gotten back together. At first, when she had wanted to, I resisted, because I didn't want to be a rebound boyfriend. But eventually, I relented.

    So the next day comes, the guy shows up. Seemed like a good guy, who was pretty surprised that the girl that he had met on-line had a boyfriend.

    Not only that, but future Mrs. Scicluna had a friend, who weighed over 300 pounds, and had a very negative attitude about life. She kept tagging along with us like a stalker, and had a huge crush on me. (Now, looks aren't that important. But when you're demanding that I tell you every place that I'm going, especially when we're not dating, that's a definite turn-off).

    So, the four of us head to the mall to hang out, and to have lunch at Friendly's. Definitely awkward, as I'm concerned that future Mrs. Scicluna doesn't decide to dump me for the other guy, future Mrs. S is holding my hand and kissing me, future Mrs. S's buddy is acting all pissed that I'm not paying any attention to her and this poor guy who traveled three hours hoping to meet the girl of his dreams only to find out that she had another guy.

    So, the awkward double-date, if you want to call it that ends. At the end of the day, guy says goodbye to us all (honestly, I kind-of felt bad for him). I pretty much tell Mrs. Scicluna that there will not be a repeat of that, or else (and she's been true to me since that day 15 years ago), and the fat friend ends up becoming Mrs. S's roommate the next year, tries to break us up, acts all controlling, and ends up moving out midway through the school year.
     
  5. mustangj17

    mustangj17 Active Member

    I can't help but add a few more of my good ones in here.

    Sadly, most of them took place within the last six months.

    Out at a nice bar with a large group of friends. My best friend's girl is trying to hook me up with one of her sister's friends. She didn't know her too well, but we were both single and there seamed to be some sort of attraction. We talked all night, I got the number and the next week we went out.

    I went and picked her up and we grabbed some drinks. After about 10 minutes she says, "I should have told you this sooner, but I'm married."

    I played it off like it was no big deal but when I dropped her off that night I was praying that her husband was not going to find me and kill me. She invited me inside for a night cap but I said I had to get up early. I took her number out of the phone and never called back.

    The second one happened a few weeks later. There was this really cute girl next door living, coincidentally, next door to one of my friends. She was new in town, just graduated from Purdue and I figured she would probably be an easy kill.

    She ended up growing on me, like Erin from the Office, or Amy Smart. She didn't seem too interested at first so I just left her alone. After ignoring her for like a month she kept calling and calling me.

    My friends insisted to not go out with her. They said she was too boring and that she was no fun. Truth is, they were sorta right. She was quiet, went to an all girls school, super conservative dresser, just sort of a plain personality. Still, there was something about her. I knew I could break her out of her shell.

    After hanging out in groups, I finally got her out on a date.


    We got a nice dinner downtown and some drinks. We talked for a long time, asked a bunch of questions about each other and really connected. She even refused to let me pay the entire tab. She paid for her drinks. Awesome.

    On the way to the next bar to meet some friends, we talk more. She asks about the worst thing I've ever done. I told her I got an MIP in college. I ask her the same question and she won't answer. I figure it's something tame like she got railed by two guys once when she was a freshman or liked it in the butt. Either way she wouldn't tell me.

    We get to the bar and we start doing shots of tequilla. Bingo! She loves tequilla and starts opening up.

    While we are at the bar, I run into some friends. The date sees me talking to them and immediately pulls me to the dancefloor. Starts grinding all over me and doing provocative things I didn't know girls from Texas knew how to do. I'm telling you, this girl is a major prude.

    She is tipsy and I don't really care. She's all over me. Then it comes out.

    "I have to tell you something," she said. "Don't tell your friends but, the worst thing I've done, is cocaine."

    No big deal I think.

    "Everyone does some shady shit," I said.

    "No, I mean like I did it every night in college, and I do it every week now."

    There was a long awkward silence. I checked to make sure my wallet was still in my pocket and then recited my favorite movie line.

    "Welp, see ya later."
     
  6. sgreenwell

    sgreenwell Well-Known Member

    Relevant to this discussion, Slate has an article up on the five worst date movies, which is a continuation of an earlier article they did:

    http://www.slate.com/id/2244851/
     
  7. Outing alert: MustangJ = loverboy.
     
  8. kokane_muthashed

    kokane_muthashed Active Member

    You spelled it wrong. ;D
     
  9. Rumpleforeskin

    Rumpleforeskin Active Member

    Plus, shouldn't it be the best thing she ever did? Not that I know or anything. Well, this is awkward...
     
  10. Rumpleforeskin

    Rumpleforeskin Active Member

    "When John Wilkes Booth interrupted our showing of 'Our American Cousin.'" ~ Mary Todd Lincoln
     
  11. Yodel

    Yodel Active Member

    Other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln? (Because someone had to do it)
     
  12. Double J

    Double J Active Member

    Well played. You really are getting better, aren't you? :)
     
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